Unlike previous posts where I lure you here under false pretenses with my titles...this one is actually about feet. My feet. They are deformity itself. As I told my friends on a bus in middle school once...I come from a long line of deformed people with feet. Have I mentioned I have verbal dyslexia? It's a real illness.
Anyway, my mother was once told by a doctor that she had the ugliest feet the doctor had ever seen. Why she decided it was appropriate to pass on her genes to any offspring after finding this out is beyond me. But here I am...with her ugly-ass feet. Thank you, mom.
They're incredibly skinny...making slip-ons impossible, have an extremely high arch...which makes tennis shoes uncomfortable, have giant bunions...making most shoes restrictive at the top and for the crowning achievement...the third toe is the same length as the second toe (you know, the long one) making my size impossible to determine (6 1/2 too small...7 too big). And pointy shoes are just out of the question. Well, should be.
Now we all know how I feel about shoes. You witnessed my resolution downfall this last month. Let's not bring it up again. However, I have seen what kind of limited selection girls are forced to contend with when they bow to the demands of foot deformities. I refuse. Life is too short to wear ugly shoes, people. I will squish my feet into any shape if that shape is comely little shoe-shape and I will walk and wince with pride all the livelong day.
Except now I've discovered that living in this fashionable way has given me corns. I'd never known what corns were before. I mean, calluses, yes...I understand those. Those are great...those make the pain go away...but corns fucking HURT. It's a callus that HURTS! What kind of universal and biological mindfuck is THAT?! Cruel CRUEL world.
Does this mean I'm going to convert with the herd and start wearing Danskos and orthopedic nurse shoes every day? Hell NO, people! If it means walking on stubs to heaven's gates, I will continue to wear my cute shoes until the toes fall right OFF. Bunions...corns be DAMNED.
Thank you...and good day.
2 days ago