Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Oh hi.

The sun is finally shining...and magically I feel like blogging again. I wonder if there is a correlation. Eh. Chances are there's more of a correlation between the urge to blog and the ice cold vodka/soda at my side. With lime. Extra lime. The lime-e-ist.

So it's fitting that I'm back to gripe about shit, but I really must. Mainly because there's a girl who rides her cruiser around town wearing an English saddle equestrian helmet. I've been annoyed by this for - literally - months.

I think she's convinced it looks cute. But I need to somehow convince her that it does not. Recommendations on how to do so tactfully are welcome. Most disturbing of all, I have to wonder...is it not a style choice? Does she perhaps think she's riding a horse? Because it's very possible that there's a bigger issue to confront here. The case against "it's cute" is much easier to prosecute than "it's a horse". It's all very Israeli/Palestinian conflictish between adjectives and nouns these days. Conflicts are vogue.

If only the word "vogue" was still vogue. Sigh.

I've had to leave my home because the air is stagnant and I was overheating (thanks to an out of shape bike ride 10 miles home). So now I'm across the street at the Bye and Bye - a severely vegetarian hipster bar filled with bike-related art that Dave Chappelle once showed up at on a random Wednesday night. That fact will keep me coming randomly forever in the hopes that something that cool will happen again. I am prepared for disappointment.

Summer is taking forever to get to Oregon and I resent it. I have mint plants that need harvesting to go into lemon things! I have sundresses to wear that allow Vitamin D to reach non-essential patches of skin! I have lawn chairs to park in the grass for half-naked hippie heckling! I have a BBQ just sitting there WAITING for me to under-cook meats on! There's a lot to do! Yet another reason why this place is bunk. It's all a lie.

Back to my being annoyed by how people adorn themselves. I'm thinking of doing something about it. I'm not telling you what because right now that's a secret...but I promise it wont...probably...get me arrested or sued. I just can't sit idly by and watch a chick walk past me with a raccoon tail sticking out of the ass of her jeans. This aggression will not stand.

Sorry...went a bit "Dude" on you there.

Be that as it may, I need a hobby anyway, so this will be a good thing. I also think maybe I should start writing something. This doesn't count. But we all know how I don't end up doing things, so don't get your hopes up. Or get them up. Someone needs to be optimistic for the rest of us.

14 keep(s) me blogging:

Robert the Skeptic said...

Wait a minute, did you say you feel like "blogging" again or "joggiing" again? One of those could be a hobby.

Gorilla Bananas said...

OK, so you ought to forgive the girl because she needs to protect her head and maybe can't afford an ordinary helmet. But the guy with a bushy tail you don't forgive. Calling him names like "Jimmy Raccoon" or "Anus Erection" will probably just make him smirk, which would annoy you even more. I would bribe little kids to run up and pull that tail off.

Ms. Salti said...

So what the hell is hanging out of the back of that kid's pants?

rachelslessonslearned said...

Obviously that dude is a Twilight fan--team Jacob!

Absolutely reprehensible.

Stinkypaw said...

That kid needs an intervention! That tail thing is really strange (like the above comment, funny!) and are those Michael Jackson's pants?

theWaif said...

What confuses me are the holes on butt of left-hand dude's pants. How'd those get there, exactly? What, too much scooting around on his ass? Only explanation I can think of.

The Future said...

So that's where the tail of the raccoon in our neighborhood went. I take it there is now a premium on harvesting raccoon tails. I guess that means we're going to be hearing alot more screaming (raccoons that is) around the neighborhood. There's nothing like living in the country...NOT!

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Orhan Kahn said...

1. Thats a girl?!

2. Only an Asian female can get away with that. And maybe some British men.

3. Knock, knock. Whose there? IT'S NOT A FUCKING HORSE. YOU LOOK LIKE AN RETARD CHILD. TAKE THAT SHIT OFF YOUR HEAD. GODDAMN.

Problem solved.

MaryWitzl said...

I'm guessing the girl with the helmet has a head injury (there was a kid in my second grade class who wore a football helmet all year for just this reason -- that's how I know). And that raccoon tail is, I'm pretty sure, a tanuki or fox tail. In Japan, tanuki (raccoon dogs) and foxes are shape-shifters and when they convert back into people, they sometimes forget to get rid of their tails. I'm guessing that kid is making a statement -- "See? I'm a secret fox (raccoon dog) and I've accidentally left my tail on to prove it."

erin said...

I love raccoons.

kara said...

or - that's not THE girl i saw...that's a google image search result of some other yahoo who thought that was a good idea.

Gorilla Bananas said...

People who think the guy in the photo was a girl better ask a vet to sex their pets. Otherwise the bitch they buy might start humping other dogs.

rachelslessonslearned said...

KAAAARRRRRAAAAAA!!


Happy 4th. :)