Thursday, June 26, 2008

I'm Feeling Lucky : *Update*

I ate so much Indian food for lunch today that it’s shoving my organs around to make room for itself. I would label that a disgusting mental image if I could even imagine what the event would look like. I never really cared for those health film strips (yeah, remember those?) where you followed the cycle of blood flow or whatever. That shit’s gross, “amazing” or not. I’ll take non-gross “amazing” over gross “amazing” any day. Give me pictures from space or snaggle-tooth fish from the bottom of the ocean or Punnett squares or something. But nothing from the inside. And definitely nothing starting on the inside and ending on the outside. The miracle of birth is never, ever beautiful.

It’s been a wacky week. My home feels like a hotel, I’ve been gone so much. The absence of the Missus (formerly known as “Roommate” until he started doing things like making me dinner and driving me around and asking me how my day was and junk – he’d kill me for this except that he’s in Hawaii and can’t reach me) has forced me to fend for myself in non-grill related ways. So there’s been lots of Happy Hours. One has to attain nourishment somehow. And bars in Portland are required to serve food by law. Good ol’ law. Always lookin’ out for me. Except when I’m jaywalking and it drops the hammer. Then law’s an asshole.

The Company Christmas Party is tonight. There may or may not be hijinx and shenanigans to regale you with tomorrow. Though it's very possible that I could be too hung over to type. It’s happened before. There is a rumor that I ended up standing on a table at last year’s Christmas Party (April 2007), but it is a false one. I stood NEXT TO a coffee table and being so close to midge stature, people couldn’t tell the difference. Life is so unjust.

Anyway, this is just another ‘whut up’ check-in type thing with no real point or structure. The Waif accused me of being a lazy blogger…well, no…she agreed that I was being a lazy blogger. This is me attempting to intersperse some half-assed drivel so you at least have something to look at when checking back every day for the standard comic gold. I do it because I care.


**Update** party. Yeah. I'm really lucky there's no video.

16 keep(s) me blogging:

The Future said...

What is a Punnett square? I'd look it up but I have to work. Great excuse so you have to explain yourself. Merry Christmas!

Robert the Skeptic said...

The Waif accused YOU of being a lazy blogger!! The pot calling the kettle something-or-other. Whatever.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to be brilliant constantly. I so try. Let yourself off the hook, a mediocre post once in a while is your Constitutional Right! So what if we nod off occasionally. ... where was I??

tyandlaura said...

Have fun at the party. Don't stand next to any coffee tables.

Stinkypaw said...

Thank you for caring, I'm touched, ...really!

Hope you've had fun at your party! May I ask why is it now? Were locations that hard to find in Portland? Or it's to be different? Either way, I think it's cool! ;-)

Amber said...

Does said Christmas party involve presents?

Casino + alcohol + presents = joy.

and as we all know

Christmas = Joy. Therefore it should involve presents.

Just sayin'

Gorilla Bananas said...

That roommate is actually your valet, you should call him Jeeves or something. I hope you can't remember enough of the Xmas party to be embarrassed about it.

Brendan said...

You're a bad person. Jeeves would be preferable.

Mary Witzl said...

I can't get enough of all that inside junk myself; I love looking at the inner workings of human beings, including my own when I get the chance. But you're right about childbirth -- sort of. It is beautiful, albeit in an incredibly gross, sloppy way.

Christmas in June? Am I missing something here? Isn't it supposed to be Christmas in July?

nic said...

I for one appreciate your half-assed drivel. It entertains me. Comic gold, well, I'd have to say it's more like "an interesting perspective on life with vulgarity." But the vulgarity is good. Like chocolate chips in a nice warm soft cookie. Because what is a cookie without the chocolate?

See? I can drivel, too.

Or is that dribble?
I was never good at basket ball. But that's another story.

Kara said...

future - it's the chart you use to find out if your children will have blue eyes or not.

dad - a nap actually sounds lovely.

waif - how come your thing doesn't say "waif" anymore?

stinkypaw - it's in the summer because my company is LAME!

amber - if all math was like your math, i'd do math more often.

goranas - i actually just called him Jeeves the other day. but it didn't stick. we're too married for him to be in my employ. and no comment on the party.

Missus - what are you gonna do about it...huh? what.

mary - no you're not missing anything. my company is...unusual and lazy. we've been after them to give us this party since december of last year.

nic - how do you fit a cookie AND a basketball analogy into one comment. genius.

theWaif said...

There we go. Better now?

coworkerceighpeigh said...

amber - the best BEST present was Kara. Her mere presence at the party was more amazing than you can imagine. The hysterical laughter, the sheer awesomeness of her ability to hold her liquor, the mild panic when the HR director asked who would be responsible for getting her home...

Orhan Kahn said...

The miracle of birth is never, ever beautiful.

So very true.

thethinker said...

A Christmas party in June? You must work for a strange company...

Kara said...

waif - yes.

ceighpeigh - you HUSH IT!

or - i knew you'd feel me.

thinker - no. i work for a lazy unappreciative company with no soul. there's a difference.

hold on to college as long and as hard as you can.

problemchildbride said...

The miracle of birth is mostly red and grey, as I remember. And sore, quite, quite sore.