Monday, June 30, 2008

Eff You, Happiness

It’s a bit of a pain in the ass, sitting down here to blog after a trying day of existing. Even more difficult is keeping my attention on this stupid computer that I’ve been staring at all the dumb long day when there are park freaks to pretend not to stare at. That’s right, friends, I’m sitting on a blanket in the park. It’s official…I no longer hate nature. Somewhere a gong just sounded. It’s the end of a hate-filled era. All I want to do lately is ride my bike, go for walks, lie in the park, swim…HIKE. No, you did not misread…I said hike. I don’t recognize me either…but there you have it.

Somewhere a house or car nearby is playing Astrud Gilberto. Funny, I always drag that album out at the first sign of summer too. Harry Belefonte as well, but since the gloriously new and functional record player moved out…my LPs sound hollow. Maybe that’s why people stopped listening to them. Anyway, long playing records are not the subject here. Summer is. More specifically…summer and how it pertains to me. And my ability to wear sundresses. And pick strawberries. And drink them in margaritas. Yes. Try it.

This is a dangerous time of year. Normally I’d have to suppress the urge to punch the orange-clad hacky sacker to the left of me in the neck. I’d want to throw something at the hipster couple that just rode by with the fused together BMX bikes just to watch them fall. Well…I still kind of do. I’d want to inform the middle aged woman playing tennis that her time for that skirt is long since passed. I’d want to roll my eyes at the chick in the striped socks and Tour de France cap breaking out the hula hoops. Normally I’d want to do all these things. Today I don’t. Today I’m content to just look at them without expression in between typing these mild mannered sentences. It’s kind of a miracle.

There’s some Ray Bradbury story about a planet that rains every day all day except for one hour every 7 years. Something like that. All Summer in a Day, it was called. I know this because I just looked it up. We had to watch the movie version in Junior High. It made me incredibly sad. Not so much because one of the kids gets locked in a closet by bullies and misses it…but because that planet felt a little too much like my home. I’m genetically predisposed to reject sunlight. My Irish pastiness and fine blond(ish anymore) hair are designed to combat bronzing with scalding and I’ve got battle scars (in the form of unsightly moles and freckles) all over my body to prove it. I should be glad that the weather here prevents me from having to wear some asshole straw hat or scarf every day. But when the sun FINALLY comes out and the air FINALLY gets warm…it’s all I can do to keep from basking in it like a cat. Or one of those hippos you see beached at the zoo.

Oh god. Another chick with hula hoops just showed up…this one on a bike completely covered with faux fur. I think maybe she’s going to have to be taken out.

Close, wasn’t it.

15 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

You're almost mellow enough to become a Buddhist nun - I can help you with the training when you're ready. In the meantime, wear a long white cotton smock and walk on the grass barefoot. People might think you're a minor deity and offer you homage. I think you'd enjoy a bit of homage.

problemchildbride said...

You'd better watch it or adorable woodland animals are going to start gathering around you, and where there are adorable woodland animals there's a whole lot of adorable woodland animal shit around the place. If you're barefoot, as Nanas suggested, this might cause the goddess in you to flee and instead your inner Kraken will be released.

Hula hoops? Are you serious?

Robert the Skeptic said...

For a moment there I was expecting you to break into "The hills are alive with the sound of music"!

The movie where it was raining all the time was an act in the Rod Steiger film, "The Illustrated Man". (Yes, by Ray Bradbury).

Myself, I am just happy that people still can find fun in a simple thing as a hula-hoop. I don't like being hit in the back of the head by a frizbee, though.

Wow, that was awkward said...

Can you enjoy mother nature and still do all those nasty things? It sounds sickeningly fun and I'd love to read about it.

Rachel said...

You make me want to move to Oregon; I love zoos.

Sarah said...

Where were you? Psycho park?

Stinkypaw said...

That's sooo wnat I'd want to do, just like those hippos or whales, beached... yeah... that's it!

The Future said...

Next time would you please take your camera, I really wanted to see visuals of the Belmont Cirque Du Soleil you were viewing. As for your laissez faire attitude toward your fellow parkers, maybe you've entered your next stage of life, kind of like you were a Hindu or something.

Mary Witzl said...

No wonder I like visiting here. I have urges to do all those things too. There is an inner cynic within me that tut-tuts at inappropriately dressed people and obvious posers and sits very uneasily with the part of me that wants to give in to philanthropic urges.

And I loved that Ray Bradbury story! I felt so sorry for that girl. I wished she could be where I was and I could be where she was. We would both have been so much happier.

Kellie said...

It's about time you joined us, HIKER!

nic said...

I'm so proud of you for being tolerant of the weirdos around you. As well as the hula hoop crazies. That's just insane. And fair skin is in.

No, I did not intend that to rhyme. I might be pretty weird myself. Please don't hurt me.

Kara said...

goranas - nuns wear stupid hats and buddhists wear stupid robes. i can't be a part of either.

sam - serious. two sets.

dad - that's not the same story...Wikipedia says it really was called All Summer in a Day. but maybe he recycled the theme.

wow - but wouldn't you enjoy DOING them even more? i'm sure you have a park close by. get to it!

rachel - people zoos are free too.

sarah -'s just your average SE park. benefit of urban dwellings. did you call me this weekend and not leave a message?

stinkypaw - i was totally a hippo.

mum - there would've been NO way to do that subtle-like. and i didn't want to get beat up by hippies. death by stink.

mary - you need to go ahead and give your 'tut-tut's a sledgehammer. here, you can borrow mine.

kellie - oh no you DIDN'T! we seeing some shows this week? i need to consult the schedule.

nic - am i crazy or did that not rhyme at all?

theWaif said...

I don't see how you can stand not to punch a hacky-sacker no matter what mood you're in.

I loved All Summer in a Day. One of the few films I remember seeing in Jr. High. That and the one about the armless woman who can drive and wash dishes with her feet. That one still gives me nightmares sometimes.

Kevin said...

I would rather have a gray, overcast day that a bright sunny one.

Orhan Kahn said...

Well…I still kind of do.

I could sense that.