Sunday, April 26, 2009

Pod People and Ponies

Today's post is brought to you by the church camp t-shirt from 1990 that I just found in a box last weekend (next to my She-ra figurines and My Little Pony stable) and am now wearing.

It's turquoise.

I used a stair stepper this morning while watching the Hallmark Channel. I needed some sexless made-for-TV romance in my life. I'll tell you what, though, covered wagons and prairie garb is considerably less interesting when you know no one's going to get shot, nekkid or both.

the Waif just called and interrupted me and thusly, this post. I'm going to form the conversation into a segue for a tangent about why people need sleep:

waif: Hey, we need to talk about Mother's Day plans

me: Ok, what day is it?

waif: Mother's Day

me: Yes, I know, but what day is it?

waif: Oh! It's a week from next Sunday, I think.

me: Isn't today Sunday?

waif: It is, isn't it. Two weeks from today.

And then she had to go because the Face fell on his nose.

I suppose that's not really a tangent...but you get what I mean.

What I really want to know is if allergies are any sort of biblical sign of the apocolypse. Or maybe someone knows if our goverment is doing a little biowarfare testing? Because both nostrils and my left eye feel as though they're under attack. And it's not just me (year round thankyouverymuch) who is suffering but people who didn't even GET allergies last year. Something is up. It's like when you see livestock stampede before an earthquake or the birds stop chirping and a meteor falls. I'm telling you, I can't stand it much longer. The evil needs to just reveal itself and be done with it.

That's probably it. Aliens are taking us over using histamines. I've seen Invasion of the Body Snatchers - 50s version, 70s version and 00s version...I know what's up. We're all going to sneeze our way into becoming pod people and no one can save us. Or stop us from going to sleep.

Ugh, I can't type anymore. I've got Wii elbow. Check you bitches later.

10 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I bet the guy in Alien felt like you do before the critter burst out of his chest. You know who never get allergies? Tramps and street urchins. They avoid cleaning products and live in the dirt. Ever thought of taking up mud wrestling?

Rachel Noy said...

That shirt sounds fricking awesome. Props to you for the She-Ra.

I have itchy eyes at the moment, which is a sure sign I'm going to be sneezing my brains out later. When I can see again I will pledge a war on all alien-sabotaged flowers. Die, daffodils!

Macoosh said...

i never had allergies until last year and this year they're back was avengence. So, i completely agree; we're all going alien. one red, itchy eye at a time.

if that's the case, i hope i get a really cool alien job. i want to be an anal prober i think. because that would be garner some fab stories to tell at the bar after work!

kara said...

goranas - why...will it keep my ass in shape? i hate cleaning it from under my nails.

rachel - you know you're screwed when you start understanding what they're saying.

macoosh - stories yes...but they'll be of how you had to stick things up people's asses. what you wanna be is the person who records the findings. cleaner and still fun. see, i think these things through.

theWaif said...

If with a newborn and a 2.5 yr old you expect me to remember what month it is, let alone what day of the week, I daresay you have another thing coming. This is with getting a few hours sleep in a row every night, even.

Wait, did I sound like Snagglepuss just then?

rachelslessonslearned said...

i have no idea what you're saying, as a matter of fact. alls I knows is that you come up with the wierdest shit to say.

you're good for my sanity.

rachelslessonslearned said...

oh, btw, i fixed my about page.

The Future said...

I keep telling you, every year the air becomes more polluted and dense, causing more and more of the pollens to be trapped and to make their way any open orifices. I should do my thesis on this because I've been saying it for years and no one appears to believe me.

Mary Witzl said...

I don't get allergies. But I sure do get to spend time around people who do. Sometimes I wonder whether not getting them is all it's cracked up to be. I don't get any sympathy; all I get is people pissed off at me for not getting allergies. I had the same problem right up until I was about 35 and never put on an ounce no matter what I ate.

Don't worry: that last problem's all cleared up.

Robert the Skeptic said...

OK, so now we know that these are the first symptoms of the Swine Flu. You just HAD to have that enchilada from the sidewalk vendor, didn't you!!