Saturday, March 06, 2010

On The Eve of The Big Event...

I know most people don't give a good goddamn about the Oscars, but I've been watching them faithfully ever since I was a wee one. And since they're tomorrow, I thought I'd share my thoughts on the Academy Award nominations for Best Picture with you all. And you're gonna shut up and like it.

Up in the Air
I saw it. It was cute. But I'll tell you this - any movie that has an "Oh my god, it's Young MC! Let's dance!" moment is not an Oscar contender.

I haven't seen this movie yet. Want to know why? Because I don't want to have to see a movie "just for the awesome effects". Now that the technology exists, I'm going to WAIT until they find a way to merge those awesome effects with a FUCKING DECENT STORYLINE. One that may or may not involve blue people.

District 9
I walked away from this movie feeling like Nigerians must be the worst people on Earth. Though it may not have been the intended consequence - it still left a bad taste in my mouth. My friends tell me to stop being so sensitive. But then I tell them to shut up, so it all evens out.

An Education
This was a fanfuckingtastic film with the exception of Peter Sarsgaard's sad English accent. But it suffers from Vera Drake (Mike Leigh) in - it will not win due to the inclusion of the following elements:
a. It's British
b. It's too quiet. Thoughtful and filled with dialogue. Not a single explosion.
c. The heroine's journey - though a definable journey - is not epic. There's no racial or spacial divide to's just youth and we've all been there.
d. Everyone agrees that things were fucked up in the 60s.
That being said, the best part of the movie is Rosamund Pike. Anyone who can pull off playing a ditz while remaining likable as a character is truly amazing acting.

The Hurt Locker
B and I saw this when it first came out and no one was talking about it yet. I don't remember why. I think maybe we're drawn to titles with "Hurt" in them. Or maybe "Locker". B really loved this movie. Really loved it. I...appreciated it. There were some beautifully bleak scenes and some fun (as much as you can use that word in a war movie) cameos - and I definitely could get behind the message. But I'm a little desensitized to war films, so they take a lot to impress me. But you should see it anyway.

The Blind Side
Are you fucking kidding me?! A blond Sandra Bullock?! Football?! Rich white lady helps poor black teenager!? The SOUTH?! TIM MCGRAW?! Come on.

Inglourious Basterds
I just recently saw this one. I know, how behind the times can you get, right? I wanted to like it more than I did. The first 30 minutes are awesome. The last 30 minutes are awesome. Eli Roth is strangely awesome. But I really do just hate Quentin Tarantino, his obsession with the 70s - everything he stands for. And I want someone to slap his chin right off his face.

This was in theaters (and very few of them) for a depressingly short time and I didn't make it. However - the preview makes me cry. Photos from the film make me cry. Mo'Nique accepting her Golden Globe made me cry. Seeing Mariah Carey's face on screen normally makes me cry (for an all together different reason) - but in this role, I'm able to hold it in.

A Serious Man
I have not seen this yet, not for lack of trying. Things keep getting in the way, and I'm beginning to take it personally. Yes, I'm talking to you, Universe. I've heard good things - but I think we all know that the Coen Bros. have recently had their day in the red-carpeted sun and this nomination is just to let them know they're not forgotten. Also - the main actor looks disturbingly like a young Robin Williams. Anyone else notice this?

When this was in the theaters, I told Brendan to plan to see it when I was out of town. According to him, this is because I have no soul and hate all things good in the world (children, puppies, etc.). He might be right. However. It's not going to win.

Stupid-faced Avatar will win. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. James Cameron knows it. Cocky bastard. You can see it in his facial hair. And when he does - I plan on yelling and shaking my angry red-wine encased in glass fist (Oscar party) that Precious was ROBBED. And then we'll move on to other things, like who looks the most anorexic in their dress.

12 keep(s) me blogging:

Anonymous said...

an excellent job!

and I think your prediction is right, except, I think that Precious--being the intellectual heart-rending story it is; you know how those pretentious liberals and their lofty ideals and need to make a statement are--I think Precious has a pretty good chance of upsetting Avatar and "that cocky bastard" Cameron. I saw Avatar, and I really enjoyed it and the awesome effects really are awesome and worth experiencing, but the storyline is very formulaic. I dont think Avatar deserves to win, and I think the Academy knows that.

I could be wrong. let me know, will ya? I wont be watching it.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I'd only watch a film about blue people if it were a remake of 'Guess who's coming to dinner', where a blue daughter brings a green boyfriend home. It's easy to say this or that should win an Oscar. I thought 'The Rollicking Adventures of Eliza Fraser' should have won the best picture award, but I don't expect everyone to share my opinion. And 'Precious' sounds so fucking depressing I want to put on nipple clamps to avoud thinking about it.

erin said...

I agree. Carry on.

I said "Fucking Nigerians' a thousand times after seeing District 9. For some reason it gave me a belly ache. Like Children of Men. I loved both movies...they just gave me belly aches.

The Future said...

You know once in a blue moon (no reference to Avatar intended) the underdog does win. As much as I think Precious should win and could win, there is nothing I'd rather see than Cameron's face immediately after "Up" is announced the winter. That would be divine retribution, on behalf of Linda Hamilton that is.

The Future said...

Damn, make that winner not winter. Stupid fingers.

Ms. Salti said...

Well, you know I just saw Avatar and liked it, so don't judge me. I saw Up and was wondering what the hell all the fuss was about. Yeah, it was cute, but not THAT cute. Saw Inglorius Basterds and I totally agree with you. First part and last part were great. Could have done without the entire middle. I loved Up in the Air... but seeing how I travel a lot for work, I related a bit too well to it. The rest I haven't seen... but they're on my list... thanks for the updates!

Ms. Salti said...

By the way, was just looking at the website for Mumford and Sons and they'll be in Portland on 5/31 at the Aladdin Theater...

Robert the Skeptic said...

I stopped watching (or paying any attentions whatsoever) to the Academy when they awarded Best Picture to "Airport". It's a mutual admiration society and has NOTHING to do with art, skill, talent, creativity or intelligence.
... and by the way, wear a disguise and go see "Avatar"

Orhan Kahn said...

You were wrong.

The Future said...

Go underdogs!

kara said...

or - i'm alright with that.

Mary Witzl said...

This is how out of it I am: I still don't know who won the Oscars! I only know that Avatar didn't win, and although I feel mean spirited, that's all right with me.

I saw Up with my class today, preparing to think it was just okay. At one point, I was crying so hard I feared I'd burst into sobs. Maybe it's just that time of month, but Up was GREAT. I'd buy it, and that's a big deal for a cheapskate who doesn't care who won the Oscars.