Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Lobotomies for Dummies

So I go shopping with my sis and her glorious new baby boy. I have a few days off work, and not much to do, so it's good to get out among the living and the commerce, right? Yes, well...wrong. It would seem that my overseas trip has sent my motor skills spiralling into atrophy...let me tell you why. We're in Gymboree, being total girls about the baby clothes in there (shut up, we ARE girls) and I'm holding my iced tea (from the lunch stop at TacoTime...glorious TacoTime...they don't have TacoTime in Morocco...it's sad, that), anyway, I'm holding my iced tea cup thing in my left hand and reaching for some little outfit with my right. But I can't see the size. The tag is stuck in the neckline. I don't have the extra hand to pull it out so I try to adjust the position of my head. I swoop it down and to the right. "Ohmigod. Ow!" Why does it hurt? What did I do? Oh yeah, I just rammed the straw UP MY NOSE with the intensity of Norman Bates weilding his butcher knife. At least that's what it feels like...like a psycho came at me with a knife. Only it was just me...me headbutting my own straw. I don't know what kind dexterity and aiming power one needs to get something that small into such a small hole at that speed, but I somehow managed it. Blood poored immediately. Iced tea in one hand...pink jumper in the other. The sales lady got my dumb ass some kleenex...it took 6 for the bleeding to stop. 6 kleenexes and a half hour. I am the queen of the unphysically challenged physically challenged. All hail the queen.

11 keep(s) me blogging:

INAMINI said...

Another wonderful picture! I once stabbed my forehead on the corner of a car door- during a car show and in front of millions.
It sounds like we should keep sterile gauze pads everywhere we go.

eccentric recluse said...

God Save the Queen!

nice post, I would like to hear a bit more about the trip...

AxAtlas said...

Do you know if the store's security camera got this on tape?

slaghammer said...

I stabbed myself in the chin with a pencil turned pointy side up in my shirt pocket. That was about 25 years ago and I still have a little tattoo from it.

d said...

smoooooooooooth

Jen said...

Once upon a time, I went to the local 7-11 with my friend Kelly. We each puchased a Big Gulp (this was the 90's I believe, like i'd ever buy one now) and left the store. As we were walking home, Kelly somehow managed to impale the underside of his Big Gulp cup with a parked car's anntena, and all its precious contents spilled onto the pavement. I never laughed so hard in all my life. It's kinda like your story, only there was no blood and no kleenex. What's Laura dressing the munchkin as? Have I ever told you I do a mean Lollipop Guild? I could record that and Laura could stick the recorder in Beckett's diaper. Magic, simply magic.

Mycaelus said...

Hail Queen Kara.

Anonymous said...

firstly, meant to tell you i think beckett is the coolest first name. nice going to your sis.

second, that story was freakin hysterical. i've done retarded things like that so many times...only, i never actually had a nose bleed..... congrats on that!!!
-macoosh:)

Orhan Kahn said...

The old straw in the nose trick. Wonderful!

Kara said...

inamini - i can't take credit for the picture...it's stock photography. but it does sound like we'd be double trouble walking down the street, you and i

eccentric recluse - what? you want MORE? ok, no more oliver twistiness. all in good time, sir...all in good time

ax - i wouldn't know since i won't ever go in there again

slag - ha! at least my marks are internal.

d - oh please, like you've never done it. whatevs.

jen - I think Becks is going to be some sort of bug, not sure, you'll have to ask her.

mycaelus - darn right

macoosh - i'll tell her. and yes, i'm a funny funny person, much to my own peril and disbelief.

orhan - you mean it's been done??? damn.

Niall said...

I'm boycotting this entry because of a certain reference to my reading habits. That cut me deep.

But if I was to guess at what you put there, I would say that I once got a straw stuck in my eye. Not deep, just a small cut. My sister told me before that there are lots and lots of capillaries with no real structure in around your nose, so when it bleeds, it needs those kleenex. Good example for your nephew!