Sunday, June 17, 2007

Scottish Accents and Loincloths...Delightful.

Just got back from seeing 300 at the pub theater. Who can say no to a $3 movie, right? Granted, my opinion may be slightly skewed by the fact that I've had a LOT to drink (taking a little vacay Monday and Tuesday)...but that movie was a) BADASS and b) the longest shirtless advertisement for the Iraq war I've seen to date.

Let me just start off by saying I've never seen blood be so pretty. Now before you all send in anonymous tips to the police about my apparent homicidal tendencies...let me elaborate. This is a movie where men's heads are constantly being cut off...but the bodies they are being separated from are BEAUTIFUL. Wave after wave of perfectly chiseled abdomens...it's what I imagine the inside of Wonka's chocolate factory really looks, like...if they made perfect men instead of chocolate...and was...you know...not fictional.

I'm told it's loosely based on what actually occurred back in the day between the Spartans and the evil Persians (who, based on this film...were all black)...300 men holding back an army of thousands upon thousands. And let me just say, if even an iota of the story is true...it FINALLY explains why 2/3 of this country's high schools and 1/3 of its colleges have Spartans as a mascot. And here I thought it had everything to do with their functional and stylish head wear. Silly me.

That's really all I have to say at the moment.



Who do you think should win the cookies...hmmm?

25 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Oh balls, I suppose I'll have to see it then. Chopping off heads can't be as easy as the movies pretend. Why would the French have invented the guillotine?

Kara said...

You will have to see it. And then you have to promise to go aroumd screaming "THIS...IS...SPARTAAAAAA" at random strangers. Promise.

My Little Pony said...

Oh there was a story behind all those scantily clad gorgeous men? I must have missed it in my mesmerized state.

Macoosh said...

i went to see this on my own in a huge movie theatre. at one point i actually moaned out loud b/c they are so hot and then giggled when everyone looked at me. oh well. the scenes were shot beautifully too.

i think i should win the cookies. not because i deserve them with my crappy names, but because i haven't had homemade cookies in a year. that's why.

Jingo said...

The Persians weren't all black... But they were all ethnic minorities, monsters and sexual deviants.

It's the government brainwashing people!

AxAtlas said...

If you haven't yet, check out El Topo and The Holy Mountain. Extremely bloody. Oh and the latter is a psychedelic escapade.

Sarah said...

Freakin' sweet movie. Beautiful cinematography and as you mentioned, chiseled abdomens. Oh yes.
And Josh watches it a lot when he gets home from working out. I know, a little wierd.

apterix55 said...

Yay.. Corvallis HS "Spartans". Class of '67 rules!

The Future said...

I think I'll simply enjoy this movie vicariously through you so I guess that means I liked it too although I don't think I could get past the severed heads rolling all over the place. They look sort of like Robowarriors, were they? You have to remember Hilhi is, was and always will be, the Spartans, go Sparts!

The Future said...

P. S. You don't have to give me the cookies even though my name was fabulous, it wasn't monumental or earth-shattering or anything like that.

slaghammer said...

Hey! If you took a picture of me, photoshopped on some Spartan armor and rippling muscles, and then animated me leaping about violating other people’s personal space, I still wouldn’t look like that. By the way, I’ve never heard of that movie but it sounds like the battle of Thermopylae where a few hundred Spartans and friends went up against the Persian hordes and were slaughtered to the man. If the History Channel is to be believed, the Spartan army was largely a homosexual fighting force. The Spartan generals encouraged homosexuality among the rank and file as a practical measure, this due to mandatory life-long enlistment in a military known for insanely strict rules. Rules that required total dedication to their fellow soldiers and a “spartan” lifestyle void of anything resembling comfort.
I don’t think your muscle bound warriors would pass up an opportunity to ravage the odd damsel, so in that respect your fantasies are supported by logic. However, it is also likely that given the choice, your six-packed hammer-hammed man-killers would prefer to spoon with one of their hairy backed brethren instead. But there's nothing wrong with that.

Orhan Kahn said...

the longest shirtless advertisement for the Iraq war I've seen to date..

What the flying fuck movie were you actually watching?! It was just bad-ass. Lets just leave it at that. Don't make me get the whip out!

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

it would be interesting to know under what circumstances their helmet bristles would droop.

Kara said...

pony - it's strange that you missed the story...most of it was in slow motion, you know, so not to be missed.

macoosh - well, shoot...you might have to win out of sheer pity. nothing even when you went home for vacay? sadness. ok then...MACOOSH WINS THE COOKIES...now i suppose i'll need to know where to send them.

jingo - that's right! ethnic minorities = sexually deviant monsters! now where did i put that army flyer?

ax - if neither is filled with digitally enhances abdomens, i don't want anything to do with them.

sarah - i'm sure he just thinks he's looking in a mirror.

apterix - but are they all dead?

future - see what i mean? every highschool is the freaking spartan.

slag - heh.heh. that's funny. especially since somewhere in the few minutes of dialogue sprinkled within the bloody action they make fun of the athenians for being "boy lovers". but they never said it was because they were "man lovers"...you just assumed it was a homophobic remark. now i know the truth. and i can't say i blame them...those abs would turn anyone gay.

or - um...let's see here...the persians are coming to destroy the white men's homes and cities and ENSLAVE them all because they hate freedom. you're right...no relation at all.

sam - severe humidity.

thethinker said...

I loved 300! I saw it twice in theaters and got it on DVD soon after (don't ask how).

Laura said...

Ancient barbarian war epics = the new chick flicks? I still need to see it, care to babysit the boy one of these nights so that we may also delight in the testosterone-pulsing, brush-helmet-wearing, loincloth-sporting fest of manliness?

Macoosh said...

oooh yay cookies!!! (and no, i actually thought about it, didn't have any when i went home on vaca...was too busy eating chinese food and GOOD new england seafood.)

if you're totally serious about sending them, i'll give you my address haha. but don't worry, i know international shipping is expensive. however, if you do, i will totally send you something fun from ireland...

my email is gracie8282 at gmail dot com.

Orhan Kahn said...

That is just war.

COME ON!

GTFO!

I demand satisfaction.

I'm sure to watch it again soon, so stay tuned :)

Jill said...

I wonder if all the school boards out there in the world would allow their school mascots to be "Spartans" if they realized what serious 'mo tendencies of the Spartan warriors had....

Kara said...

macoosh - ok ok...i'll be hitting you up for your postal addy anon...you lucky girl you.

thinker - i won't ask how...i'll just know.

laura - saturday it is

or - that is NOT just war! YOU watch it again and YOU get back to me. damnit.

jill - are you kidding me? of course they know. that's WHY they choose them. it's the ultimate FUCK YOU to gay people! they celebrate the ultimate in manliness while squelching what made them so manly...the lovin' of other men.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Maybe they pop up when they're excited, or when they've had a good idea for a new type of enraged yell they could try out on the battle-field. The bristles that is.

nic said...

oh good, I'm glad sam clarified that.

I may be way off topic as I'm not a history buff in any respect of the word, but in the movie Alexander, Colin Farrell and Jered Leto had a thing going on. Who can blame Alexander?

I'd so go gay for Jared Leto. He's only the most beautiful guy on the planet.. imho. *sigh*

Gledwood said...

hey we watched this hilarious thing on the fall of Rome to the barbarians yesterday ... it was so funny! The semi-Shakespearean acting, everything. Even the barbarians looked like people I used to know!!
V entertaining blog! Come to mine! Gledwood2.blogspot - my online journal. You're most welcome. All the best 2u
from
Gledwood
"vol 2" ...

d said...

i like cookies. i'll take 'em.

wait! what cookies? what kind of cookies?

yeah, i'll take 'em. no need to thank me.

thethinker said...

You've been tagged with a Rockin' Girl Blogger award.