Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Why I Hate People: Episode 539

People invented this. And it's wrong.

For when your pet feels like less of a man because you've voluntarily made an appointment to have a professional remove this balls.

There are 9 sizes. You can make your beagle feel like a great dane and give your rottweiler a inferiority complex. Or, if feeling zany, mix and match.

Some testemonials:
"Frodo never knew he lost anything and is just a happier little dog since he's been
neutered with Neuticles."

Janell Suasser - San Lorenzo, CA

FRODO. The poor dog was neutered before his balls were even taken.

"Baby Snow has all the benefits of being neutered- Neuticles are just a whole lot nicer."
Stephen Samual - Redcliff, KY

...to touch?

"Neuticles were the absolute least I could do."
Glenda Nelson - Spring, TX

Um. What's the most you could do?

The good news is, they're 100% made in the USA. So...jobs. That's nice. And no leakage...a company promise. Guarantees are good.

It's enough to make one think this nation might just be something other than great.

10 keep(s) me blogging:

Robert the Skeptic said...

What news feed are you on that you get this stuff? ... cause it sure as hell isn't UPI.

Next it will be dentures for your pet chicken.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Have you ever tried licking a sack with no balls in them, Missy? This invention will encourage eunuch dogs to clean their scrotums, for which it must be applauded.

Anonymous said...

Made in America? I am suspicious.

Mary Witzl said...

I was absolutely certain you were joking about this. So I checked out the link.

Made in the U.S.A. all right. And I'm intrigued. If it's cheaper than a proper neutering job, I'm all for it. Now I can afford ten cats!

Charlie said...

That looks suspiciously like a jelly bean. I wish I could make a bajillion bucks with a couple of jelly beans.

And in case these things work, please don't tell Martha--she'll have me over to the vet in no time.

theWaif said...

Poor Quimby. He's been living his whole life in abject sorrow and emotional distress due to his lack of ball-falsies. Please don't turn us over to PETA! They eat people.

Orhan Kahn said...

I'll take three!

kara said...

dad - my news feed was the guy one cube over.

goranas - dogs have had no problem cleaning their neutered selves before this invention and will continue to after. and gross.

rachel - of the leakage? me too. don't trust domestic.

mary - but should you? think long and hard about this.

charlie - i'm betting the inventor was eating them at the time of his brilliant epiphany!

waif - they do eat people. first they spray paint them for flavor.

or - selfish.

The Future said...

I'm sorry, this creeps me out, period.

John said...

Neuticals look like naked jelly beans.