Sunday, January 03, 2010

Airplanes, Bologna, Hats, Pabst and Lard

Ok...I have landed, am semi-unpacked, in the fleece sweatpants and have a fresh vodka/tonic with just a splash of lime. Elliot Smith is on loud enough to drown out the cat's desire to learn English and I'm finally at the ready.

To talk about terrorism.

The holidays are an interesting time to partake of air travel. I haven't always been so unfortunate as to have to join in the lemming game, having been geographically close to my family at Christmas more often than not. College was an exception. Flying home from New Orleans on December 25th, 2001 was a treat with TSA agents opening every single present in my luggage. But besides the most obvious and ominous causes of aviation delay pique - there is also bad weather, over-booking, unplanned cancellations, screaming babies, etc.

But before the above even applies, we must first grit our teeth, dump our liquids, pull out our laptops, slip off our shoes, dig loose change out of our pockets, remove our children from strollers, walk through the detector, submit to the wand and put it all back together again. Then pay $10 for a dry turkey sandwich that doesn't come with chips.

So it's disappointing to then find out on Christmas Day that some guy still managed to sneak a bomb onto the plane AND set it off.

However - if you were to ask me if we noticed any heightened security on yesterday's journey as a result, I'd have to say no. Unless you count an automated voice chiming in that "the security level is currently RED" over the PA every 10 minutes. Which I do not. I could've gotten through with an elephant-shaped table lamp stuffed down my pants. Our security is an illusion. The sooner that is accepted, the easier you'll sleep on the plane. It would also help if the booze was complimentary.

As to being there and back again...I was/am glad for both. Kentucky is a fascinating place. At the moment, I'm afraid I can only illustrate this with the few pictures taken with my phone:

More horrifying than these two products considered individually is the thought that their proximity indicates a combined intended use.

Just sayin' it like it is.

There are places in Portland that will charge you $4.00 for this. Somebody's getting cheated.
Closest thing I could find to a Derby hat! Best part about it is, I've got a hat on underneath.
All other pictures are on the actual camera so you'll have to wait. I'm glad for it, though, as my face as it appears above seems to have about 7 extra angles.

And if that scarf I'm wearing catches your eye - well just you wait for my next post - when I will explain why you like it so much.

Thank you, Kentucky, for having me. It was an adventure.

14 keep(s) me blogging:

Robert the Skeptic said...

I thought I was pretty cool stashing those little bottle of booze in my underwear when traveling by air... guess THOSE days are gone now!

Would LOVE to have tried "Rope Bologna" if for no other reason than I could honestly claim I had some before I died.

Keep that picture of you in the hat... kind of a window in to what you might look like when you reach your 50's.

Welcome Home.

yinyang said...

Bologna and lard... what's the difference, really? They're both gross and fatty and should be used sparingly, if at all.

Orhan Kahn said...

Do you mean chips as in fries? Because I didn't know Americans called them chips. I thought ya'll were too cool for that. Like you were royalty or something. I see you wearing that hat like you're some kind of princess. Oh, yes.

erin said...

I've never been to Kentucky, although Jeremiah lived there for a short time while we were seeing each other my freshman year of college...I made a lot of phone calls to Kentucky.

You look marvelous in that hat...and that scarf.

Auri said...

I'm seriously jealous of the hat... I thought about petitioning the red had ladies to see if they'd take me early;)

Auri said...

that was supposed to read 'red hat'

Gorilla Bananas said...

Ha, you look like a rich, snooty society lady from New York, circa 1925. And airplane security depends on the passengers. If anyone starts acting funny on your flight just scratch his eyes out.

Charlie said...

A bologna and lard sandwich on a Mexican tortilla washed down with a 69¢ beer in a red hat—what more could a girl ask for?

kara said...

dad - let's just decide that the bologna would kill you if you had it, so now you can't.

yin - one of them's pickled.

or - no, by chips i mean chips. your dumb asses call them 'crisps'.

erin - oh college. it really does make us do the silliest things.

auri - well i didn't buy it, so it's still available.

goranas - i'll give 'em the pinky rip!

charlie - a napkin!

theWaif said...

I already KNOW why I like your scarf so much because I happent to have one that is remarkably similar to it. Only mine is BETTER. Because it's mine, of course. And I lurve it.

That rope bologna is the stuff of nightmares. I'd almost rather eat a spider. Almost.

Orhan Kahn said...

We do not call them crisps, hobo! We call them CHIPS! You are so uninvited from Sydney! Or any other part of Australia for that matter.

The Future said...

I also now have the scarf of coolness and the hat to match so I top you both. I just need for it to cool down again so I can wear it. Watch, we'll now have an unseasonably warm winter for the next three months. I guess I'd just have to wear it regardless and sweat up a storm instead.

Stinkypaw said...

I thought only our border were letting anything/one go thru... oh well... Love the hat and scarf, of course! Happy to see you back!

kara said...

or - i am not uninvited. you take that back right now or i'll kick you to the other end of your penal colony.