Tuesday, August 12, 2008

ChopWatch '08 : Week 1

3 days later I am still battered and bruised from the Slip 'n' slide. Perhaps we should've heeded the "not for adult use" warning imprinted onto the plastic. What fools we are.

Still...so much fun. Video exists, but it's not in my possession. If it falls into my lap, I'll review to see how stupid I really look and maybe post. Maybe.

But that is not what today's post is about. Today's post, my fine four-fendered friends, is to introduce a science experiment. Today, we're going to talk about ChopWatch '08(TM).

This is the Missus.

If there ever existed a more innocent looking baby face on a 27 year-old man, I've never met it. The face or the man.

I can't remember exactly how or why we thought it needed to happen, but my friends and I have decided that the Missus must and will grow himself some manly chops. Not so much the Ulysses S. Grant mutton chops of yore...just a little somethin' in an exaggerated sideburn.

Poor boy. I have no idea how I got him to agree to such an endeavor. He's certainly not happy about it. It's only week one and already he complains of itchiness and low self esteem. Pish posh, I say. They'll be fabulous. So what if there are chunks missing.


What you're seeing here is about two days of growth. I realize there are men in this world who have to shave twice a day to prevent five o'clock shadow. The Missus is not one of those men. ChopWatch '08(TM) will be a photo journal with weekly installments until he either succeeds in utilizing facial hair as a badass accessory OR we give up because it looks terrible and splotchy and I take pity on him. I do not believe the latter will occur. I see things through, damnit, and so shall he.

Ok, so I did promise him something in exchange for exposing himself to such ridicule. In the event of a successful growth...he will have earned the right to a better blog nickname. And by "better" I mean non-emasculating. Though he'll continue to make me dinner and do the dishes and drive me around and whatnot...so I'm not sure what he'd be trying to prove. As Batman says..."it's what you do that defines you". Or maybe it was the chick who said that. Whatever.

ChopWatch '08(TM). Who needs the Olympics with the promise of such excitement? Such suspense. Such shenaniganery.

Stay tuned.

18 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

The first picture is incredible. He's gotta lose that lesbian look, it just doesn't work for guys. He should change his attitude as well as his chops. Would you consider letting him wrestle you and possibly tying you up for a few minutes?

Orhan Kahn said...

Oh lawdy. What are you doing to the poor guy, Kara. Did Steve put you up to this per chance? Steeeeve!

Rachel said...

I LOVE him!

a)He puts up with you.
b)He does things for you, lord knows why and
c) he's CUTE!

I'm looking forward to the exciting conclusion of Chopwatch '08(TM)! He deserves a manly name.

After this, I want to see 'StachWatch '09!(TM). I'll draw up the event and happenings calendar!

AxAtlas said...

The Missus is not some refurbished Chia Pet that you can...nevermind. Utility n' entertainment go hand in hand...crack that whip.

Robert the Skeptic said...

This is as exciting as watching grass grow. Hey, at my age, that is exciting.... really.

Sarah said...

I have the video...

Stinkypaw said...

Not all men can grow sideburns... like my husband... 'just saying...

Kara said...

goranas - whatever do you mean, you lippy homo sapien? he doesn't look like a lesbian. he's an adorable boy. you're just jealous.

or - listen, hiphopoppotomus...i realize your lyrics are bottomless, but really...don't ever try to out conchords me.

rachel - that will never happen...you know my stance on 'staches! but yes, i give you leave to love him. he's very lovable. sometimes you just wanna pinch his cheek.

ax - yes, i thought you'd eventually see it my way.

dad - you can grow some too and it will be a race!

sarah - you WILL email before you post, woman, or i'll give you the business.

stinkypaw - that's what the Missus keeps saying. but i don't care about incidentals.

Mandy said...

He looks so smooth.

Kevin said...

This could be the beginning of a new reaity series.

problemchildbride said...

May God bless and keep that sterling missus.

problemchildbride said...

Not a fan of chops. I hope they don't grow because he has a nice face adn why cover up a nice face with wiry hair?

But despite having said that I don't mean to be discouraging because I'm interested, it seems to me they're getting smaller in these pictures.

BTW, will you talk to a citizen presumptive? I passed but still need the naturalizing ceremony to wash the taint of foreignness off me.

EmmaK said...

Watch out Condi! I'm betting some TV exec is already pinching your idea and you'll turn on the the TV soon and find a program called CHOPWARS. D list celebs will go head to head to grow sideburns. patent this idea now it is hot. I will tune in to see how this Chia pet idea goes

Wow, that was awkward said...

He lets you refer to him as the missus and agrees to be a science project. While still having the privledge of making you dinners and driving your sassy ass around town. You must be a dynamo in the sack.

Orhan Kahn said...

Oh my God! Busted. Was totally setting you up for a "and you call yourself a Conchords fan!"

You're no fun :(

Just know this.

And I don't care how super awesome your slip and slide is!

Kara said...

mandy - well hello! doesn't he though? (he still is about a week in...shhhh)

kevin - well, yes...because this IS reality. what you're talking about is the possibility of a series of fake posed reality centered around my real reality. uh huh.

sam - and you wouldn't be wrong...that's why it's a fun, and most likely long lasting experiment. ps: fine...i'll accept you in your state of nationalist purgatory.

emma - i'm counting on it. if i get paid for this idea, i'll never have to work again and you can all say you knew me when. ahhhh future memories.

wow - i'm torn between saying "guess you'll have to ask him" and "absolutely no comment". you can be the tie breaker on which one i go with.

or - i am no fun. it's a well known fact. nobody ever wants to be around me dullness. boohoo.

The Future said...

Can you spell patience, tolerance and easygoing demeanor? He is all these things and you are undoubtedly pushing your luck. This is your future talking.

Wow, that was awkward said...

ok, sing along with me, "Oh whoa, dynamo..."