Monday, August 04, 2008

You People Are Nuts

I'm not GIVING you a cookie. I just wondered if you WANTED one at that particular moment. Honestly. I'm not in the habit of being a giver, I thought you all knew this.

Anyway, I have one word for you...

What you are seeing above is the Winnebago "from" Spaceballs racing off the end of a makeshift peer to then dump head-first into the NOT CLEAN Willamette River. This picture was taken from a boat, also in the Willamette River. I am on that boat. I am not on the Winnebago. I am one of the 80 THOUSAND people watching the Winnebago. People in Portland get excited about free events that center around poor decision-making.

I alternate between being tickled and being disturbed by things like the Flugtag. I appreciate the silliness, the imagination, the balls (that river is NASTY) involved in the undertaking. It parallels the Olympics...uniting thousands of perfect strangers taking on the role of spectator in the hopes that someone in a funny costume first succeeds and then crashes and burns. These events really bring out the best in people.

But then, there is a dark side. On the other side of the platform there lived a construction crane and two GIANT dumpsters. Slowly, one after another, each of the crafts representing thousands of hours and dollars and drops of sewage-filled river water got tossed without so much as a 'fare thee well' into the brown metal bins. So much waste. So. Much. Waste.

But then I got over myself and realized that this is America. It's patriotic to waste in the name of fun. And I'm nothing if not a patriot. On my way home, I'm going to buy an entire bag of styrofoam cups and throw them out after leaving the store. I may not even wait to get off the premises. Bless America. Bless Flugtag. And bless you.

15 keep(s) me blogging:

The Future said...

The photograph makes it look like you're in danger of being sunk by the flying Spaceballs Winnebago. It's difficult to see that they had any empty, albeit filthy water to crash in. What a crazy event! And now, as a premeditated onlooker, you're an official part of it! Congratulations!

Andrew said...

That vessel has a name, and that name is "Eagle 5." Show some respect!

stinkypaw said...

There's water? Where? All those people are on the shore?!

theWaif said...

"People in Portland get excited about free events that center around poor decision-making [edit]and beer[/edit]." That's better.

I hope those crazy-ass people remembered to close their mouths before hitting the septic tank that is the Willammette River. I think I'd just about rather drink toilet water. Yes, just about.

More pictures???

Gorilla Bananas said...

Great video! You look really cute with your hair long but your voice is a bit whiny. You new boyfriend looks 200 pounds heavier than you but I'm sure you've worked something out, you're a modern girl.

Cathy said...

You Americans are a strange bunch. Yes you are.

Orhan Kahn said...

t's patriotic to waste in the name of fun.

Well played.

Rachel said...

Ya know what's really funny? I had sneezed while reading this post (what? I have post-nasal drip!) and the timing of your last sentence was IMPECCABLE.

Are you clairvoiyant too?

Also, do you plan to become a politician someday? You're a natural. You're very skilled at making things sound like promises and then weaseling out of them.

Wow, that was awkward said...

You need to get out more. Beer festivals, flugtag, cheesy broccoli...

Robert the Skeptic said...

I'll bet you are one of those people who is disgusted by entertainment television that involves blowing things up... but you watch them anyway. Am I right??

Sarah said...

One of these years I'll make it to Flugtag. It sounds glorious.

Susie Q said...

I was out of town. What does it say about me that I was devastated that I had to miss this?

Kara said...

future - um. thanks, i think?

andrew - listen, purist...at least i don't go around killing baby bats with my flip flop.

stinkypaw - yes they are, except for the people who are in boats. they're on the water. that's where we put boats here on the west coast.

waif - i had almost no beer because the boat had no bathroom.

goranas - what the fuck are you talking about.

cathy - your countrymen are just as strange. take goranas, for instance.

or - your serve.

rachel - yes, i even knew you were going to comment about sneezing and politics. you gonna contribute to my campaign? i'll take it in the form of baked goods and candy.

wow - i can almost smell your jealousy. next year, road trip! bring the fam! no wait...you'll want to move here. stay away! STAY AWAY.

dad - no comment. (maybe a little)

sarah - and when you do, i'll never find you because there'll be 80 thousand effin' people there.

sue - it says to me that you're aces! ACES!

julia said...

No cookies?!

You're such a tease. I'm boycotting until I get cookies.

Kara said...

listen young lady...you make your way to cali...get your self all settled into dormitory hell and hit me up with your PO Box. i'll send you some cookies.

whiner.