Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Don't F*ing Mess with the Shortcake.

All right. This is an outrage.

I tolerated the trashing of Transformers being turned into a box-office bomb. I held my tongue when they sloppily digified Scooby-Doo and sank Inspector Gadget in the Hollywood sewer. But I refuse, REFUSE to stand idly by and watch my beloved childhood idol be Barbie-fied before my very eyes. It is sacrilege and it will not be tolerated.

Take a look at the "new" Strawberry. I mean, what is the DEAL with that garish god-awful early-90's hot pink? I don't know about you, but where I come from, strawberries are red, not radioactive magenta (I believe that is an actual Crayola™ color now). The original Strawberry was all wholesome with her disproportional oversize-head-to-sticklike-body ratio and simple red dress with the white smock. New Strawberry looks like a trollop.

It just ain't right. I shan't support this sort of manipulation of my childhood figureheads. The line is officially drawn. If my #2 happens to be female and if it ever so happens she would want one of these new tramp line of Strawberry Shortcakes, she's just going to have a little lesson about living with disappointment.

17 keep(s) me blogging:

twinkie said...

awww! That actually makes me sad. The end of an era is upon us.

On the plus side, at least they didn't Bratz-esize her.

That would have been a tragedy of astronomical proportions.

nic said...

...i don't think she looks terribly bad...

However, she seems a lot shallow. I can't deal with that.

I hate it when they change things. That's why I still have an Atari. And Adventure.

Booya. :)

Orhan Kahn said...

Just be glad South Park hasn't taken their turn with Ms Shortcake. Thats all I'm saying.

The Future said...

I agree with you. She's not in, she's out, she's way out of bounds. Aren't there like trademarks or something that are supposed to prevent people from defacing (or debodying) icons?

Robert the Skeptic said...

It will probably get worse... watch for "Cabbage Patch Kids - the TRUE Hollywood story". Welcome to grown-up land [sigh].

Sarah said...

I feel your pain. I won't let my daughter near anything Bratz related. It has caused her to be the lone bratzless girl in her class many a time. I have made an exception for Hannah Montana and I already regret it. I want my kids to play with Rainbow Brite, He-Man, She-Ra, and original Nintendo. I'm a creature of habit.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Was she Daryl Strawberry's bitch?

d said...

new strawberry looks like a total tramp. stupid media... they're encouraging our daughters to aspire to be whores.

well, not my daughters. i don't have any daughters. but all of those other scantily-clad 10 year olds i see when i force myself to be out in public.

Wow, that was awkward said...

At least they didn't give her a big rack.

theWaif said...

twink: Agreed. Bratz dolls are the devil's spawn.

nic: Adventure I've not heard of, is that a brand name of some sort or are you just referring to your love of invigorating quests in general?

o.k.: I have a hard time believing they haven't referenced SS at least once with how many millions of episodes of Southpark there are. And there are millions.

future: Well, when the trademark does it to itself, there's not much recourse to be had there, I'd think. It's like what Meg Ryan did to her face. Terribly sad.

robert/dad: Indeed, nothing is sacred anymore. Still, the original Strawberry will always remain my favorite Christmas tree-topper ever, in the makeshift barbie-gown/angel outfit you rigged up for her.

sarah: I totally wanted my kids to be able to play with all that stuff which is why I saved my whole She-Ra collection from when I was a kid. Unfortunately, it was stored in the attic which caused all the plastic action figures to liquefy. So much for the best laid plans.

gobananas: Hmm, what with the age difference there, I'd say maybe more likely a niece. I should hope.

d: Yeah, freaks me out a little. Why the need to pressure pre-teen girls to grow up too fast, I've never understood. But then I barely wore so much as lip gloss till I was in high school.

wow: Strawberry DD would definitely be crossing the line.

AxAtlas said...

She looks more like Strungout Ricecake, an anorexic wacked out version of Strawberry Shortcake

nato said...

it's crap like this that leads to little girls thinking it's "cool" to dress up in slutty halloween costumes. I almost cried with all of the 11-14 year olds I saw wearing those types of costumes. I told my wife that when our 4 year old daughter gets to the age where that type of costume is "cool", she's done with halloween.

The Future said...

You're right, Waif, botox should be outlawed, especially when used anywhere on the face. Talk about scary Halloween masks!

problemchildbride said...

She ought to be made into jam.

Kevin said...

I don't like the original Strawberry. The new one? Way to Paris Hiltony. I like the late 1990's early 2000's Strawberry.

She's berry hot.

Kara said...

i don't care what your opinion is. all i know is that you had the pink strawberry shortcake canopy bed and i had to sleep on the floor in dirt.

theWaif said...

ax: I believe Strungout Ricecake was the Japanese version.

nato: It would be nice if girls costumes (i.e. princess, witch, angel, ballerina, etc.) didn't all seem to require the word "slutty" in front of them.

future: Seriously, meg ryan would be better off wearing a mask at this point, I think.

pcb: I'd agree except I'm sure it would prove too saccharine-sweet as to be palatable.

kevin: Hmm, I must have missed that version somewhere along the line while I was in my teenage years. Can't imagine why...

puddin' pop: Yeah, well you got the little red & pink SS tricycle while I got the hand-me-down boys' dirt bike so I'd say that makes us even.