Monday, October 26, 2009

Discomfort is a State of Mind

After non-purposefully swallowing a little ball of allspice, it's now stuck in my throat. It won't melt and I can't cough it back up, so I guess it will just have to sit there forever. Maybe it'll multiply and I'll be able to spice cider just by gargling it. Genius.

Halloween fever has hit hard, people, and those who have me on the face of book will have seen just how hard. In the meantime, I feel the smug need to share with you my success in turning Brendan into Ira Glass (as previously promised).


It took me a month to gather all the crap from various thrift stores, but we attended our first Halloween party of the season on Saturday looking like a very respectable NPR radio show host...

...and smartly dressed Alice with a penchant for chopping the heads of white rabbits and turning them into flask-holding purses. You better believe it.

In a week I'll be over it. Moved on to an obsession with stuffing and cranberry sauce...and learning how to make a pie. Holidays are wonderful things for those who suffer from the short attention span. Like 30 minute episodes of life...only, you know, in days.

Speaking of 30 minute episodes...I'm waiting for the next "ripped from the headlines" segment of Law & Order about a boy floating away in a homemade balloon contraption. The world has waited long enough! And by "the world", I mean me! I can't take the suspense. My guess is that there'll be a twist in the last 5 minutes when the father takes the stand and rips off his toupee to reveal that his full head of hair was just a hoax...a publicity stunt and that it all...the whole brouhaha...was to come down to this. I'd watch it.

Seriously though - what I want to know is WHY IS THIS MAN STILL IN THE NEWS? What will it take to get the cameras off of this family? What sparkly thing can we dangle? Shoot...maybe I'll go out and cause a newsworthy ruckus. Just give me a small arsenal of super soakers, a nun, a mid-sized gerbil, a passport and a jar of petroleum jelly. It's ON.

Happy almost Halloween. This one's for the freaks.

12 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Hah! Every Halloween I marvel at the girly excitement that swells in your bosom (or wherever). It's better than Christmas for you, isn't it? You've got the Alice look, but I think the Queen of Hearts is much closer to you in personality.

Robert the Skeptic said...

I absolutely love Halloween.. and yet again, I am unprepared. [sigh].

Maybe I should just launch a couple of my own home-made hot air UFO's for Halloween. Draw the attention away from me for a change.

Charlie said...

How about chopping the heads off cute little bunnies, making them into flask-holding purses once you scrape all the ick out of the head, and SELL THEM ON TV? "Ira Glass" can do the infomercial, and your dad can direct it.

No, huh.

Rachel said...

that is the most awesomest hallo--wait, what? "thighs?"

nic said...

So the short is going as batman. The Mimi is going as a goth-batgirl-diva. I haven't decided what I was going to be. I don't have time to really mine the thrift stores. Maybe I can sucker Brian into being captain hammer again (of Dr Horrible fame). And the greyhound is going as a bus. The lab mix is going as a greyhound... the dog breed. It's a stretch for him, but I think it's doable.

There. You guys look awesome. I'm jealous. :D

theWaif said...

Call me morbid, but when you told me about your costume I had pictured a lot more bloody oozage hanging out of the rabbit's severed head. Notsomuch, eh?

Brendan makes an awesome Ira Glass, who is really an awesome personage himself, so that's awesome.

I'm off to make [something that bears some resemblance to] a Diego vest for the Face's costume. Vamonos, Amigos!

kara said...

goranas - i've ordered cheeky gorilla's heads on platters before!

dad - i say go for it. put candy inside for whoever finds them!

charlie - i've been looking for a way to be my own boss...hmmm...

rachel - yes. thighs. when i was labeling, it auto-filled. so apparently i've used it as a label before. so i did again.

nic - my back-up costume is always a beatnik because it's so damn easy to do. black clothes, thick black glasses. smoothed back hair. and a copy of On The Road. done.

waif - there's blood on the bottom, but it took FOREVER to dry so i didn't put on more. maybe for next Saturday.

The Future said...

I agree with your sister, there has to be more blood or you'll completely lose your previously well-earned reputation for a blood and gore maniac... and you wouldn't want to do that!

Orhan Kahn said...



You choose which one you want to be more.

EmmaK said...

I love that Alice dress! So sexy yet pure. I made the mistake of getting a Marilyn Monroe white Seven Year Itch dress for my halloween costume this year...I guess i will freeze my nipples off but hopefully my husband can follow me around with a warm hairdryer to create the effect of the skirt flying up plus warm me up. Also the problem is I bought a cheap blonde wig at Party City and I look like a hooker wearing it. Ho hum...the things you do for the kids!

erin said...

Make it two nuns.

MaryWitzl said...

I love Halloween too. It's so wrong that we're kept so busy at work that all I've had time for is black slacks and shirt and a zombie mask. Still, it scared a couple of the more timid kids, so it was worth it in the end.

Like the Alice in Wonderland costume! I miss out on so much stuff not living in America. I have some vague notion about a boy flying a balloon, but don't know what it's all about.