Friday, November 20, 2009

An Open Letter to the Man in the Stetson with a Shower Cap on It

Dear Man in the Stetson who walked by me at the food carts when I went to get lunch,

I understand that men and their hats are sometimes inseparable. That a hat can cover a unsightly grey hair, or a bald spot or an accidental mullet. Or that in some very sad scenarios, it serves as the mid-life teddy bear or bit o' blankie. Or it could be an issue of identity. A cowboy hat, beret, trucker or baseball or Castro cap can be a visual calling card, if you will. Whatever the reason, I really do see that it might be hard to leave home without it. It's what makes you, you...and therefore, cool.

Well let me tell you something, Mr. Stetson. This does not make you look cool:This is a shower cap. Just because it's on your hat and not your head doesn't make it any less of a shower cap. So let's get something straight: your sense of style should not be adhered to at all costs. I don't know what life coach told you otherwise, but you should fire them immediately. You live in Oregon, where it rains forever. You need to compromise your fashion sense to get from point A to point B like everyone else. Knowing this, you have three options:

1. Put the hat away and wear a fucking HOOD attached to a Columbia raincoat like everyone else. And when the rain stops...well then you can bring the ol' boy back out.

2. OR - I hear these are all the rage across the pond.

3. OR - Spray the hat with those rain repellent bottles of somethingorother they give you when you buy a leather jacket and hope for the best.

Once you have chosen one or more of the above, your shower cap will be freed up for its original intended internal use. And you will cease looking like such a knob.


Your friend (once you lose the head plastic),
kara

10 keep(s) me blogging:

Robert the Skeptic said...

Kind of a "Cowboy Condom" I guess.

Gorilla Bananas said...

That's a hat for playing cowboys with water pistols. I bet he'd whip your ass in a water pistol fight. You'd be yammering away about his poor sense of style and he'd fire a jet of water right into your gob. When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk.

Mary Witzl said...

He doesn't need to treat that hat at all! I've got one that has endured rain, wind, snow, and sweat and still looks pretty cool. Or so I tell myself.

erin said...

Oh my. Jeremiah and I decided to go up to 'the mall' Friday night to look for an exercise bike. Big mistake. I now know where all the redneck/white trash couples in our general area go for date night.

Charlie said...

I tried using my shower cap for internal use and damn near choked to death. But at least my hair was clean.

Stinkypaw said...

I think your dad has it right...

The Future said...

Hm, somehow I think your comment was lost on its intended audience.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I wonder if he has plastic on his sofa.

theWaif said...

Nary an iota of contrariwise sentiment will be witnessed coming from yours truly upon this matter. Good day, and I salute you.

Orhan Kahn said...

I kept thinking you were addressing me, OR

And yes, I do want me one of those shower caps.