No. The title will have nothing to do with this post. But I was saying it to myself as I crossed the river this morning and it was amusing to me. Valentine's Day is coming. It will be here soon. Everybody ready? I'm ready. It's easy to be ready when you don't have any plans. Or anyone to plan them with. Or any desire to find someone to plan having a plan with for a day that really means nothing to anyone worth their salt. That's a silly saying..."worth their salt"...I don't recall salt being worth that much the last time I purchased it. And it lasts forever. Funny, that.
What's happened since the last time I posted? Actually, why am I asking you? You don't know.
Saturday was date # 3 with Web Designer. He's nice. He's tall. He's nice and tall. But he's pretty much a vegetarian and for some reason, that makes me want to bathe in beef bouillon before going out and ordering rare meats for dinner...then tear them apart and eat them with my hands. It's nothing personal, it's just the way I get around Veggies. It's like poking a potentially dangerous animal...you're bigger than they are so you feel justified in antagonizing them until they attack you and maul your face off. It's how I react to all of them. Except maybe for Fro...I seem to have developed a soft spot for her due to her often surprising obsession with cheese. I can appreciate that kind of obsession.
But I digress...
Did I mention that he's tall? I've always had a thing for tall boys...with a few exceptions, that tends to be what I date. There's something romantic about having to stand up on a bed, or couch or stairwell to give someone a kiss. Of course a boy doesn't actually have to be that tall to be tall to me. I'm 5'2", in case some of you don't know. Or care. Or care to know.
Maybe I'm not making this sound exciting. But really, dating isn't exciting. You sit over drinks and tell the same stories you've told a million times before to Real Estate Agents, Actors, Law Students, Systems Administrators, Students, Cooks, Industrial Designers, Financial Planners and Bartenders. After a while, it's exhausting.
Do I think the Web Designer might be different than they all turned out to be? Of course, or he wouldn't have gotten to date # 3...but the cynic in me feels like adding "stay tuned for a post about whatever freakish personal flaw that will force me to dump him!"
I just know that at this very point, my mother is shaking her head in a defeated fashion and thinking to herself "there will be no grandchildren from her". Sorry, Mum.
Anyway, dates 1-3 were pleasant affairs. I'm hoping that date # 4 will not reveal that he worships Satan, or cross dresses or harbors secret delusions that he is the next American Idol. Regardless, he provides me with a continuous excuse to wear my highest, vampiest heels.
PS: New CondiCast is below. It is anything but interesting but you should listen anyway.
20 keep(s) me blogging:
This day blows. Does that make you laugh? Shoot me into space.
Aw, shucks.... *blushes* You like me cause I'm obsessed with cheese. I think we'd have a serious problem if I decided to go vegan. Plus, when people make snarky comments about being vegetarian I tend to just shoot evil rays at their head without letting them know I'm doing it. Oh no.... I've let everyone onto it. My plan is ruined.
What the crapshoot am I talking about? Well anywho, glad the date is somewhat promising. I bet you'll have a cute lil' Valentine's Day date. Or you'll avoid to not seem too committed.... Depends on where you are in the "relationship". I'll be all alone on V-DAY, despite my non-lack of boyfriend. Wow! Double negative!!
Hope he doesn't turn out to be a child molester or John Mayer. That guy gives me bad voodoo... Especially his hair.
I'm going to be an a-hole with my comments -
1) !...some or most of you should know what that symbolizes
2) If you find yourself telling the same stories you've told a million times then you must be dating a bunch of lame stiffs...of course i'm sure they're nice guys. Dating can be exciting if you're hangin' with someone who does more than interview you.
3) Web designer seems okay. He prob qualifies for a 4th or 5th date...how romantic.
Valentines day is for suckers!
So is Columbus day, Arbor day, Christmas (and Jesus in general), SUVs, college, The show "Absolutely Fabulous", Star Wars ep. 1-3, memory foam matresses, baseball caps, the band Dream Theater, Lysol, roller blades and C.S. Lewis books.
Dating doesn't sound fun. I'm so lucky I never had to go through that hell. I do sympathize though.
Don't worry about Mom worrying about grandchildren, I believe that need has been staved off for the time being. But I do fear another grandpuppy may be in order at some point, something along the lines of, say...a baby basset hound? Can't be any more work than dating seems to be.
What I want to know is...how come no one is commenting about our first "real" CondiCast yet? We go to all the trouble to create this podcast for you people and you don't do us the decency of at least ripping it apart? I mean c'mon, people! You can't ALL be using IE. Ingrates.
Outstanding first podcast. Nice delivery and good teamwork...seriously. No sarcasm here. Keep on keepin' on.
from what I understand, vegetarians are evil.
http://www.vegansareevil.com/
I thought you did a smashing Braveheart.
Your polka dots are fucking my eyes up. That's not an accusation. It seems to help my glass of wine along nicely - more bang for the buck, an' that.
Are you going to take the Absolutely Fabulous slam laying down? I thought for sure you would have jumped on that shot.
And I say, que sera, sera when it comes to grandkids. I'm delighted with those I have and my delight will or won't grow depending on whether more join them in the future. But delight is delight and I'm there.
And you still haven't read my last two about evolution and reincarnation...what's taking you so long?
Love,
Mum
Don’t buy into the lies of the Valentine Industrial Complex. Make it all about peanut butter sandwiches, store brand soft drinks and microwave popcorn with Casablanca on videotape. If the guy can’t make a good time out of that, then file a restraining order on him and start over.
Btw, still no podcast for us IE users.
i was going to say you could be my date for v-day but then i realized my second comment was going to be that I have IE so i realized you wouldn't want me. Sigh...
anyway, that's why i haven't listened. I bet it's great tho!
jebus who ARE all you people? ok here goes...
jen - we'll make today better by getting intoxicated
fro - john mayer looks perpetually drowsy. i don't trust people like that. he was funny that one time on the chappelle show, though
ax - i don't know what "!" symbolizes. besides...i'm not really a romantic girl...i'm just happy if they don't ask me for help with their rent.
ty - what you understand is correct
sam - well that means a lot coming from someone who does smashing accents on her own blog...unless that's how you already talk, in which case...well, it still means a lot.
and you're welcome about the polka dots.
mom - sorry, i kinda have a JOB, you know?
slag - easily said for a happily married man. ok, i'll send out my minions to see if i can find something for you ghetto IE users.
ps: every day is about peanut butter.
macoosh - what are you people trying to FORCE me to make an effort? damnit!
There was a singer call Suzie Quatro - you may be too young to have heard of her. Well she was your height and also liked tall men, well over six foot. Something about them appeals to petite females.
Have you ever considered trying stand-up comedy? The men who date you will then already like your personality. You'll be able to relax and be as shrewy as you like - and they'll love it!!
it seems like so long since i've commented. something i'm sure you're thankful for.
happy to hear that you haven't forgotten about our deal. was it a deal? probably not. anyway... the season's half over. so i'm starting to get a bit nervous. you know? but whatever... i'm not going to push you.
Nope I'm not Irish, i'm from the islands above ireland which are part of scotland. I'd just been hanging round my Irish pals' sites right before I posted so Oireland was on me moind.
I feel as if I owe you a drink for the added boost your polka dots gave me. But I am Scottish so I expect that feeling will soon pass.
I agree with Slaghammer there about the peanut butter sandwiches and the Casablance but that doesn't mean you can't still wear your killer heels. You don't have any small pets you might skewer with them, do you? Best not to if you do, then. Nothing ruins a good date like hamster blood on the shag-pile and it can be distressing if the hamster's really got stuck on to the heel.
goranas - I don't know Suzie Four...which is strange cause I listen to a lot of older music. And like I said...it goes back to the whole wanting to be carried off by vikings gene.
You are actually not the first person to suggest stand-up comedy to me. I played one in a movie once. Long story. Anyway...I don't relish the idea of getting beaned by full bottles of Pabst...you know? Tall boys would be ok. Do you call them 'tall boys' in the Congo?
d - you are always missed when you're not here. or something.
don't panic...i know for a fact people are going to keep going even if they keep losing.
sam - well a compliment on my impression of an impression of a scottish accent from an actual scot is the highest honor of them all! i will let you buy me a drink!
no hampsters...just a cat. i don't care if i step on her though...she's got it coming.
I don't sound like any Scottish person you've heard before. Mine is an odd combination of Highland and Scandinavian with Irish intonation.
I'm having a G&T; what's yours? Care for a crisp/chip?
Are there any authorities I can call about your cat? I feel uneasy about its well-being and have some concerns regarding whether you are the best possible person for this particular cat's best interests. How high did you say the heel was? I'm not taking notes or anything. Truly.
Totally agree, dating is highly over-rated. I recommend throwing yourself at a really good friend instead, assuming you have one of the correct gender and attractiveness quotient. This eliminates all the formal "date" stuff and gets right into the meat of the relationship. Worked for me. :)
That picture reminds me of a friend I used to have. She had a pair of bright red pumps that she called her "Come f*ck me pumps." Ah, memories.
You didn't respond to my comment and therefore I am insulted.
:P
laura - sorry...my eyes glazed over half way down the list. i don't remember what you said, but i have a definite opinion about it. and that opinion is...i'm all for it.
devina - don't hate what you can't understand
sam - if you knew her...you'd think the way i do. there's a pic of her somewhere on this blog...not sure where.
jill - that is not a tactic that i'm unfamiliar with. but sometimes they don't want children and you do. or they smoke and you don't want them to. or they're afraid of commitment and you're not. then you break up a year later...and spend another year trying to extract yourself
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