Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Great Cohabitation Debate

To live together or not to live together...that is the cheesily posed question.

After sixty nights of my packing a bag or him packing a bag...riding from the east(my) side to the west(his) side or driving from the west side to the east side...waking up at 4:00 AM to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young ringtone alarms to get dropped off at my house and attempt go back to sleep for an hour, or his having to play shower chicken with my roommate since they sometimes work at the same hour, while trying to get ready in the dark to not wake me's already getting old. HAS only been a couple months. Would it be imprudent to discuss cohabitation at this early date?

Some things to consider:

1. Currently, grocery shopping is a crapshoot. Since I don't know which house we're staying at at any given night, it's hard to know where to keep the food. Sometimes I try to split it up, but that tends to be when we realize we don't have enough ingredients for anything so we end up going out. Thus, groceries go bad.

2. Walk of shame. One must be conscious of bathroom locations being in common use areas and must, therefore, always remember to put on a bathrobe of some sort. Yes...this is a pain in the ass.

3. Doubling up. To avoid having to pack such a large bag every time I stay at his place, I've begun to double up on some larger contact solution and ozone-hating hairspray. This can/will/is get(ting) expensive.

4. Tallulah. I feel like a shit with how many nights she spends alone. Needy little thing. She climbs all over us when we're home. The guilt is...well...enough to make me consider cohabitation.

5. My things. I love my things. I love having access to my things. I don't have access to my things at his place. Then I begin to miss my things.

6. Outfits. The problem with picking it out the night before is that the next morning, you may decide your mood is NOT in tune with what you've got to rock. Or maybe it's just that you forgot your razor at home and your legs are no longer smooth enough for a skirt. Riding a bike, I don't have room to pack more than one outfit at a time. This is definitely a problem.

7. He has super cable and a flat screen TV. I'm lucky if four channels come in. And then I'm even luckier if there's anything worth watching on any of them.

8. NW(him) has shitty parking...snotty residents...and pricey, but not very tasty bars/restaurants. SE(me) has much better versions of all those things. PLUS all but one of the theater/pubs.

9. Current rockin' living situations. I love my roommate. I love the location of my house. I love my house. I JUST hung pictures (I know, 5 months later), the rent is cheap...and so is his...and I JUST changed my address with the DMV (it's hard to fill out an online form).

10. We hate being apart.

So what have I decided, people? You tell me so I can pretend I made the decision myself.

18 keep(s) me blogging:

Jen said...

You do not wear hair spray. There is no way you wear hairspray. Hairspray? Really? You have blown my mind. Anyway, the pros and cons you list are so... even. I have no idea what you should do. Just give Lulah more love, and whilst listening to the purrs of a happy fat basketball-round cat, you'll find the answer you seek. She's like an Eight Ball... with fur.

AxAtlas said...

Yeah what Jen said. Those magic 8 balls online and in real life are crap. Listen to yo cat!

Laura said...

Both of you move - get a new apartment in SE and move in together there. Is that not the perfect compromise? Yes, I know, I am brilliant, and you're welcome, and why yes, I would be delighted to have your shoes in return for my brilliant suggestion...

Gorilla Bananas said...

You need a big house like the one the Waltons had. Big enough for him, you, your flatmate, Jim-Bob and Mary Ellen. Then you can all say cute goodnight things to each other before switching off the lights. You're obviously going to live together at some point, so you may as well give it try now and see what happens.

Jill said...

Let's approach this logically. If he moves in with you, that still leaves issue 2 and half of 7. If you move in with him, that totally destroys 9. I don't think all the issues should have an equal amount of weight though. Particularly 7. It's just TV. Divide by pi. Carry the 2. Subtract the savings in groceries. Add in how much easier it is for you if he moves instead of you. There. Looks like he moves in with you.

Now, the only advice I have is that before somebody moves, you should make sure that moving in together means the same thing to both of you. It's not good if one of you thinks it would just be fun to do for a while and the other thinks it's the first step towards marriage. So, talk about it.

And the only word of caution I have is this: When you live together, breaking up is a real bitch. Somebody has to find another place to live. Dividing the dishes and the CDs. Getting the phone put back in your name. The vacant, depressing house after he's gone, making you second-guess your decision to break up in the first place. Of course, this will never happen to you. I'm not suggesting that it's even remotely possible. It's just something to think about.

The Future said...

I suppose not being together every night is not an option, I know spoken like an old married woman but the nights he has to get up so early would make me so tired I'd be sick to my stomach. And last time I looked, you are closely related to me. That can't continue. I think having him move into your house is out of the question because then your little crowded room would be claustrophobic and even Lulah wouldn't be able to find any space for her little fat body.
I could go on and on so at this point, I've decided this is a better conversation to have in person or at least by phone.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I think you have decided to have him move in with you. As Nanas says, you'll never know until you try it. And you're already spending all your time together.

Why not, I say. Go for it lovebirds!

Kara said...

jen - these are wise words. and sometimes hairspray is essential for the "saucy" looks.

ax - ditto to your ditto.

laura - that's probably what we'll end up doing...there's not really room to move in with each other where we are currently.

goranas - that's actually a very logical point. weird that it came from you.

jill - methinks you've done this before. i've only lived with one boyfriend, and it was with 4 of his best friends and one i heed your words. i really do.

oh, and really it's 8, 4 and 5 that are the most important, i think...OH and 10 of course. 10.

future - yeah, we were gonna find a place together if we made the, i won't make you help with the big stuff.

sam - this is true...and i think i might be less whiney if we do this...though i can't make any promises.

thethinker said...

Cable and a flat screen..?

What are you waiting for?!

Kendra said...

You are still in the "honeymoon phase" and I would suggest not moving in together. Devon and I dated for over a year before we moved in together and we lived in two different cities. Imagine waking up at 5am to drive three hours to go straight to work. Shitty, yes but I'm glad we waited. We got to know each other as individuals before we had to learn how to live as roommates. Living together can change sooooo much in your relationship. You only have to travel cross-town to see each other so my advice is to wait.

Kevin said...

I'm with Kendra. I think 2 months is too short of a time to make that kind of decision.

Macoosh said...

i think time is different for everyone and if you're really feeling the moving in itch now and it's mutual and you're smart about it, do it. do it do it do it.

AxAtlas said...

Well...look at it this way. Say you move into together. If it goes well then you have a good story to tell others and are completely happy that you have someone you can go through the good and bad times with, and someone with whom you can grow old and all that mumbo jumbo...ya! more power to you! If it goes bad, then you can say you took a good risk and can teach others about the pitfuls of delusional love and how not to use a relationship as a means of trying to fill a void and to accomplish a new year's resolution.
Eh. sorry on that last one. I have 2 friends right now who got too close sorta too soon (the "gettin' to really know one another"-based, not time-based) and just acted on their intensity in their respective relationships and...welp, now they're each going through divorces. Yeah, they knew their exes for Don't wanna get into it. Maybe I'm not the right person to comment on this...I must add I'm reading Christopher Lasch's work so I'm a bit disenchanted with the idea of "romance".
But I also agree with Macoosh that it's different for everyone. Just be sure you're not objectifying this relationship b/c you might miss out on something good whether on the inside or outside (the relationship).

Orhan Kahn said...

I'm with you on # 5

Kara said...

thanks guys...all stuff to think about.

Jon said...

I'd never tell you what to do, but I've actually been there on this one:
Move in: 2 months
Marriage: 8 months
Get the house: 10 months
Someone burns down the house: 1 year
Someone stops coming home: 1 year 2 months
Separate rooms: 1 year 9 months
Divorce starts: 2 years
Divorce ends: 4 years

Total cost of romantic decision:
$6000 in legal fees, 75% of everything I own and 4 years of time.

They'll be plenty of time for fast moving relationships when you get into your 80's... :)

Kara said...

jon - shit.

Jon said...

I should've added "Your mileage may vary" :)