Monday, August 13, 2007

The Goondocks.

You know...I talk shit about this state all the time. But who knew that less than an hour away there was this...
A French-owned winery and vineyard. With tastings. And get this...only one of 20 in the area. 20 wineries...that all offer tastings.

Did you know you're supposed to spit the wine out after you taste it? I say fuck that.

Have you ever seen a place so beautiful? I've never even been here before. What the hell is my problem?

This winery is called something exotic, like Ann Amie or something frenchish like that. It looked a bit like a monastery. In fact, when I went to find the bathroom (to combat the result of not spitting), I'm relatively certain I passed a room with monks chained to the wall stomping on grapes. True story.

Is this some artistic shit or what?

I can't stop posting pictures of these vineyards. We went to 4 wineries all together. And then to one that makes champagne. What's that called? A champagnery? Yes, I'm sure that's it.

He's so cute. Look at him...he doesn't even know what he's supposed to be smelling. Well, I mean...it's supposed to be the 'bouquet', whatever the fuck that means. I just made shit up. I was all "yes, this one has the essence of the soil" and junk. I don't think I fooled anyone, though.

Anyway. It was fun. And the day was so lovely, we thought for sure that our jaunt to the beach the next day would be just as lovely. But then I forgot I lived in Oregon.

Even August isn't safe. What you see above are people in Cannon Beach eating outside in coats and hoods. Though I'd like to think of myself as a true Oregonian...but I ate inside. Such a pansy.

Ahhh, the Oregon coast. There were three weddings on this beach the day we were there. Stupid bitches. $600 dresses sliding along that sand. Idiots. To be fair to the day, it did get better later on...but come ON...August should be sacred. There's a lighthouse in the middle of the water. You can't go out to it, though. I think that's stupid.
This just cracked me up. A beach volleyball tournament between Canada and the U.S. THE most uninteresting sport ever. I know. I played it in High School. Shut up.

This needs no caption.

Those feet there have what I like to call an Oregonian tan.

In case you're super lame and don't recognize the monolith behind Kansas...maybe you should re-visit the best movie ever...and that would be The Goonies.

I'm not trying to document the cheesy-ass sign...because it's cheesy and we didn't even eat there. What I am trying to capture on film for posterity is the bike. That's a three-seater. A THREE SEATER. Imagine taking a corner on that thing. Screw that...imagine trying to put it on a bike rack. Screw that...imagine trying to decide who gets to ride bitch! Oh god, the thing makes me tired just looking at it.

I'm exhausted from this weekend. I'm exhausted from typing words about this weekend. The Oregon tourism board should pay me for this. Fuckers. I'm sending them an invoice anyway.

Peace out, bitches.

I love you, Chunk.

15 keep(s) me blogging:

apterix55 said...

Just west of Salem, on Hwy 99, lies the little berg called Rickreall. The name sounds stupid, and it is because some illiterate moron pioneer couldn't spell the name of the town the French fur trappers called "La Creole" when the first Oregon maps were being drawn.

Anyway, if you travel north on 99 from Rickreall toward Amity, the surrounding countryside of rolling green hills and wineries look EXACTLY like the Provence region of southern France. Missing, of course, are the 500 year-old castles on the occasional hilltop. But if you just squint a tiny bit (and not spit out the wine) you might actually delude yourself into thinking you ARE in rural France.

Oregon really is a great place to live. Adieu. I am off to Burger King

Gorilla Bananas said...

I can feel the cold water currents just by looking at the pictures. Move to Florida when you retire. Didn't they give you any interesting wines to sniff - ones that smell of strawberries or blackcurrants or something?

Niall said...

Honestly I find it funnier that the French have grape-growing-and-to-wine-making places in Ireland ... The stereotype of us having excellent weather isn't a lie.

Macoosh said...

s'true, niall.

this might be my favorite travel post ever made. i think you might be the next frommer's guide. people would love it. you'd be an overnight sensation!

also, i frikan love that photo of the bottomed-up wine glass. well done you.

nic said...

1. Goonies is my favorite movie and pretty much the whole reason I decided I had to see Astoria, Oregon, and Washington for myself.

2. I don't give a crap about the cold and rain. So long as it doesn't frickin snow. I hate snow more than anything. I love green. LOVE IT I TELL YOU!

3. You're encouraging me. Please continue. And THANK YOU so much for the beach scenes. *sigh*

4. I'll be out in about 5 years.

All I'd need is a some friends, and maybe one of them will be a cute, sweet, single but marriable guy...

Anyway, thanks. :)

Kevin said...

Go Goonies!

C said...

I agree with you on the wine tasting thing. Spitting out a perfectly good intoxicant is just plain silly.

Sarah said...

I NEED to go to that place. Next time, take me with you.
Goonies rocks the shit. We just watched it last week. Maybe I'll put it on right now. Yes, I will.
Thanks for the idea.
PS the wine glass has a chip in it.

Kara said...

apterix - but i want castles.

goranas - florida sucks balls. i'd rather stay here than go there. wouldn't mind trying out the Congo, though. do the leaves change in the fall? how's the chowder?

they were supposedly interesting...but it all pretty much smelled the same to me.

niall - well i think it's funnier than ye do.

macoosh - i'm holding out for Lonely Planet. all i need to do is draw a map...it doesn't have to be good...just included.

nic - you'd care about the rain if you were in it for 9 months out of the year. unless you have really low maintenance hair.

5 years is too long. everything might be gone by then.

kevbo - it's our time...OUR TIME down here!

c - here here! now pass me a wafer to cleanse my pallet.

sarah - well plan an event then...silly goose. just make sure it doesn't rain. ha!

PS: i know. that's why i liked it.

Susie Q said...

Love Goonies, love wine, love the beach (yes even in Oregon) and especially love the THREE SEATER BIKE!
Nicely done Kara!

Laura said...

Oregon kicks all the other states' ass (asses?)! We've got it ALL... wineries, beaches, mountains, Stonehenge replicas, not castles, the Enchanted Forest, interpretive centers, tunnels, skating rinks, trees, newts, hamburgers, marmosets probably, lots and lots of ferns... aww yeeah, lets see you beat all that, Oklahoma.

Goonies--a classic. Sloth is the best. "HEEEY YOOOOOOU GUUUuuuuuuuyys...." Becks is gonna be Chunk for Halloween, I just decided.

froelica said...

You stole our wine trip.... Whatever, we took it first.

Kara said...

c - i just realized it should be 'hear hear'. otherwise it's all rainmanish. silly me.

sue - i fully expect you to own one the next time i see you.

waif - oh yes he will. plans for said costume must commence forthwith!

fro - um...i went to the same exact vineyards as you? really? there's, like, 20 of them there.

AxAtlas said...

Monks make the best booze.
Ya know, I miss the Gregorian Chant music...When will the Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos release a new album??? Geez! And I thought Radiohead and Eric Johnson were bad.

froelica said...

Thus I acquire a restraining order....

No, not the same ones. But close enough. I just like being accusatory. Its all your fault, though.