Thursday, September 27, 2007

Hugging Inanimate Objects

From The New York Times:

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, said Tuesday that he considered the dispute over his country’s nuclear program “closed” and that Iran would disregard the resolutions of the Security Council, which he said was dominated by “arrogant powers.”

Funny, that sounds just like the line my parents would use when I would throw a fit about not getting my way. I was such an unruly 20 year old.

My favorite bit is the obviously U.S. and U.K. aimed use of the term “arrogant powers”. I’m fairly certain that if you put Bush and Ahmadinejad in the Thunderdome and stood back (behind Tina Turner…you can’t be obstructing her view), you’d witness a battle of arrogance instead of fists. The arrogance would ooze out their eyeballs and ears in the form of a bright light. At that point, the shit would go all Star Wars and limbs would start flying. It would be awesome. But I digress.

I saw the president of Bolivia on The Daily Show last night. My knowledge of South American politics/history is painfully lacking…but I felt a giant teddy bear vibe emitting from Evo Morales and had to resist the urge to hug the screen. Kansas would’ve flipped... the screen would’ve gotten all smudged.

I want a President that I can pretend I’m hugging when I hug the television. Is that too much to ask? I don’t think so. I mean…look at teddy bears. Sure, they’re cute and cuddly and relatively harmless…and not alive…but if they are alive they can become a bad ass, protective bear that can kick the shit out of anything that comes near their cubs (i.e. the rest of the country). What kind of country wouldn't want a bad ass teddy bear for a president?

Wow. Sometimes even I’m amazed at what an articulate, logical person I am.

15 keep(s) me blogging:

apterix55 said...

You realize, of course, that the Teddy Bear was the symbol of Teddy Roosevelt. Bully this, big stick that, kick Columbia in the ass and build a canal in Panama. Very Cuddly.

So what can we say; as parents we tried imposing sanctions on you to no avail. The "no Fly" zone extended between your room and the end of the hallway. You left us no alternative but to invade. But ask yourself, do you not now feel "liberated" today?

BTW, I don't recall you ever really owning a teddy bear. All I remember is you separating Barbies from their heads. Pretty revealing what style of political leader YOU would make, no?

C said...

I have to stick up for Teddy Roosevelt a bit. He was the trust buster protecting the American people from monopolies and during his presidency the term "muckraking" came into our language. Apparently he wasn't threatened by journalist exposing government errors or espousing progressive ideas, unlike our current president. He was also an ardent fan of one of my favorite poets, E.A. Robinson. He even wrote a critique of one of his books. He looked like a teddy bear and he was literate. His cousin and his niece were great in the White House; we obviously need somebody with Roosevelt DNA in office.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Bears can kick butt, but they have a hard time distinguishing friend from foe. You're getting more savvy though.

Macoosh said...

and then all the good presidents could have a teddy bears picnic! that damn song is stuck in my head.

i know, i know, i did it to myself.

Rachel said...

I totally love the image of Bush and Ahmenejhad in the Thunderdome with Tina Turner!

You've a brilliant imagination.
Brilliant I say.

Laura said...

Teddy Ruxpin for president. Who'd be his running mate, My Buddy perhaps? Wherever I go, he goes...

Colbert would not be amused by your bear-loving sentiments. I doubt he'd make an exception even for the stuffed variety.

Ian said...

Who controls BarterTown?

Mary Witzl said...

Someone else beat me to Teddy Roosevelt. Even without the Teddy connection, he's just about the only cuddly president I can think of. The rest don't bear thinking about, but I'm sure Clinton would have been game to cuddle, given the right cuddlee.

Kara said...

apterix and C - here's my question, though...would Teddy have been such a Teddy Bear had his name not been Theodore? think on that.

and no, i don't think i owned any teddy bears, apterix. i was a sorely deprived child.

goranas - um...when was i less savvy? i was BORN savvy, my hairy little friend.

macoosh - the melody of that song always gave me the heebiejeebies. is that one word?

laura - colbert and i could have a hearty debate...sharks vs. bears. i'd win. sharks are fucking scary.

ian - MASTER BLASTER controls border town!

mary - ewwww...i don't want to hug clinton. closest i'd get is hugging a SNL actor imitating clinton. but no closer! now i'm shuddering in horror.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Why couldn't I leave a comment here yesterday? I blame

Bush recently told his latest biographer (the author of that new "Dead Certain" book): "I do tears," but I think you've hit the nail on the head - they're not real tears, it's just the arrogance oozing from his eyes.

apterix55 said...

You may have something there about the teddy bear. We gave your brother a rat puppet when he was little. And we all know how he turned out [sigh].

AxAtlas said...

The end of last night’s Colbert Report showed an ole’ “Ronnie Raygun” commercial with a big bear…ya know, ”Ronnie Raygun” was a Garbage Pail Kid. Have you ever seen Garbage Pail Kids The Movie? It’s hilarious. I digress.

The Future said...

I'll write in the President of Bolivia on my ballot if you will.

nic said...

Anything's better than a dumb bush. That's all I have to say.

Macoosh said...

you think the melody did?! see if youtube has the lucozade commercial on it with that song...that will freak you out. and in ireland, they play it EVERYWHERE.

:::runs and hides under desk:::