Monday, September 24, 2007

It Springs Eternal, You Know.

Effective ways of dealing with the drudgery of a Monday can be accomplished through several methods. Caffeine fixes are a popular one. Spending the first 20 minutes of work reading and Dilbert and The Onion is another. Sometimes, it’s yelling at people from the driver’s seat in the ol’ bumper to bumper. For others it’s reading a trashy bodice ripper on the bus. For me, it comes at the tale end of my short ride into downtown, when I pass a certain group of people. They’re currently laying tracks for the MAX train to run by my office. Since that seems to create a sense of lawlessness in the area, they’ve upped the level of transit police/security. You can see them in their little “Transit Security” uniforms, wandering a rather large chunk of blocks, looking very stern and authoritative. Well, that was before. Now they all look like kids in a candy store. Why is that, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you why. It’s because Portland’s Transit Security agents now patrol the area while riding on…wait for it...segways.

They crack me up. For serious. It’s like dozens of Gobs (Arrested Development), rolling about the place. The joy it fills me with is immeasurable, and it’s all I can do not to run up and knock one of them over so I can take the world’s best and most useful invention around the block for a spin. I wait every day with great anticipation in the hopes that I’ll witness a high speed chase or…well…any sort of pursuit. It hasn’t happened yet…but what is life if not hopeful?

11 keep(s) me blogging:

Susie Q said...

Seriously, the Segway bit was the funniest gag on Arrested Development. Old Gob "pacing" back and forth on his trusty Segway. Good times.

I too, would love to take a spin on one. Imagine how sweet it would be! But Lordy, to see a pursuit by the security folks would be more than I could bear. Hys-tinkin-erical! ((snort))

Laura said...

The only thing funnier than watching someone ride on a Segway is watching someone fall off one. Priceless. I totally feel like watching AD again now. If only I could remember who the hell I loaned the DVDs to, dammit.

apterix55 said...

Segways!! You're kidding me, no?!! It's crap like this that's going to force me into becoming a Libertarian.

Rachel said...

Segways are the ULTIMATE in geekdom! I TOTALLY want one!!!!

P.S.: I apologize for the EXCESSIVE use of all-CAPS and exclamation !!!!! marks.

The Future said...

Well, you could wear your running shoes (rather than your ridiculously little heeled shoes), run off with some important Tri-Met paraphenalia and then be the one who is chased. The main problem with that being you would be in front of them so wouldn't be able to witness the chasing. You could always tip Channel 6 and have it filmed but I'm thinking the throwing you down on the ground (ruining your cool outfit) while they're cuffing you wouldn't be nearly so funny or even basically worth it.

Devon said...

I think I hate segways more than I hate Hummers, (if that's possible.)

And besides, if you're going to be lazy enough to not use your legs for local motion (a better invention than the segway I think, thanks god) you might as well resign yourself to the Hoveround and be done with it.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I never knew such things existed, but they don't look faster than a brisk walk. I guess it saves you exercising your tush. You should buy one if your ambition is to have an enormously fat backside.

Macoosh said...

i love it. i wanna work where you work.

Kevin said...

There's a guy at work who rides a segway. My office mate and I want to make a short movie/skit of him riding his segway around the office. Y'know, doing the stuff he normally does, but on a segway. The big joke would be him coming out of the bathroom trailing a length of toilet paper behind him.

Kara said...

sue - ok...it was funny, but surely not the funniest bit of that show! i heart that show. i heart it so much.

waif - i have yet to see that. i hope to...someday.

apterix - then you can use all your private funding to buy a segway of your own.

devina - surely you can't put the two in the same category of hatred. one is excessive and horrible and the other is excessive and hilarious.

ps. i'd kill for a hoveround.

goranas - well that doesn't surprise me. it's not the best way to travel over uneven terrain...which is what i assume the congo is filled with.

macoosh - no you don't.

kevin - you must do so, and then you must post it.

Mary Witzl said...

When I was a kid, my sisters and I got hold of a cheap push lawnmower that had been divested of its blades but still had handles and wheels. We used it like a segway and swanned around on it for a week -- until some adult noticed it didn't have brakes and took away our fun. I still remember it fondly.