Friday, September 19, 2008

I Find The Following To Be Offensive:

1. That my sister thinks she has the right to free speech. No...once you weigh under 110 lbs, you lose your right to speak.

2. People who list "Blackberry" numbers instead of just "cell" numbers. I don't give a fuck what kind of phone I'm calling...I just need to know that you have a mobile number. Not that it links to a douchey phone.

3. Formal shorts. Particularly this monstrosity I stumbled upon today:They're velvet and on sale for $135. Gay pirate mid-drift sold separately.

4. Thursday night happy hours. They make Friday so very difficult.

5. Old people (not news)

6. Sarah Palin

7. That you guys really thought I was going to let you decide on the Missus' nickname. This is America. There's only one decider. His new nickname is Brendan. Yeah. I've finally used a name. First person who gives me shit about "settling down" gets a knee in the balls.

8. Saltwater taffy once it hardens.

9. That it's already starting to get cold.

10. That my high school reunion was planned over Facebook and MySpace. Yes...I'll be going. I don't want to deal with the guilt.

Drink for the Cure III is on Sunday! I know I never got around to posting pictures from II last year...but I'll throw in a link to Drink for the Cure I just for ol' time's sake. I can't believe how much time has passed. It was sooooo many boy toys ago. Yes, that is an acceptable measurement of time for me. Shut it.

OUT!

13 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

There you go again, talking about stuff that offends you instead of giving the voters a positive upbeat message. I, for one, am looking forward to your high school re-union. Take a box of lollipops with you and everyone will be your friend. Go get 'em, Miss Pumpybuns!! (Note positive end to comment).

nic said...

Brendan, eh? First names are so uncharacteristic of you. You're shaking the very foundation on which I stand!

Class reunions.. I've gone to my 5 year and my 10 year, and both I've sort of regretted both. Always glad to see the people I don't get to catch up with, but everyone else, I'd rather have choked on my phone.

On another note, my friend princess called me to tell me she found some "fuck me now" pumps for the wedding. I wasn't aware there were such a thing. But now that I've seen formal shorts, not only do I believe pumps can be hot, but I also have a significant amount of fear.

Sarah said...

I don't have balls.

Thank you for linking to my blog with the word, "guilt". And yes. I wouldn't ever let you live down leaving me at the reunion alone. Ever.

Mandy said...

I used to own a pair of velvet shorts.

AxAtlas said...

Whoa! Way to put your foot down on all those offensive items. I'd comment on the whole "settling down" thing but I'd rather have your foot stay down.

Rachel said...

HA!

Brendan is a lucky fellow.

as for class reunions, Id rather have guilt than go to one of THOSE damn things. High school wasnt that great, ya know.

The Future said...

The fact that you went to grade school and junior high in the same town will probably make your HSR worthwhile. That was all they talked about at mine, which of course left me out until I turned my back on that silliness. And, I don't miss them a bit.

Kevin said...

I will never, ever.....EVER, attend any of my high school reunions.

AxAtlas said...

I should also add that the 'Jeeves' campaign had a good run there. I want to thank all of you who supported 'Jeeves'...this poll wasn't ever about 'Jeeves'. It was about YOU!

Stinkypaw said...

You're right to be offended about:

- your sister's weight
- morons with Blackberry "listings"
- velvet shorts, argh!
- the cold - yuck!
- reunion! I didn't even go to my own prom, not because I didn't graduate, because I chose not to go!

Kara said...

goranas - you don't come here for optimism and you know it. your new name is fuzzy butt.

nic - normally i hate pre-bridal bitches with all their wedding-talk. you are totally the exception. i want pictures, i want play-by-play, i want a say in the DJ play list.

sarah - i'm sure you have them somewhere. i like to amass them like trophies and mount them above my fireplace. be prepared for drunk kara. i'm stealing the Miss...uh...Brendan's drink tickets.

mandy - my dear lady...we really must work on your propensity to tell people things they should never know and not enough of the things they should know. i have no examples.

ax - and i'm wearing cute shoes today too.

rachel - no and i was barely there for it either. all together i went for one straight year. hopefully i made an impression or it will be a lonely night.

future - well i guess my childhood was better than yours...no matter how much milk you drank straight from the cow.

kev - elitist.

stinkypaw - i went to two proms in one night (my boyfriend went to another school). it was about the dress though. as is only right.

Woozie said...

Sarah Palin is offensive like someone kicking a baby in the face, or punting a puppy into traffic.

Orhan Kahn said...

WTF is saltwater taffy?

P-U-K-E!