Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Stupid People Are Stupid

The Workplace Seat Lifter is at it again. And I know I wasn't the first one in the stall because there were remnants of paper in the bowl. Yet the seat was lifted. Why? Why, why, why? The physics alone mystify me. You don't USE paper when you're standing. Unless you don't want to sit on the seat and you opt for a "hover" approach. But in that case, why would you even bother lifting the seat? I hate this person.

I know this is all rather distasteful topic. But these are the kinds of things that haunt you when you're insane.

21 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Some people do use paper when they stand, Missy. To dry the end of their winkies.

theWaif said...

Ewww... GB is probably on the money there. It's the only halfway reasonable explanation. Not at all acceptable, but reasonable anyway.

I do think an anonymous reminder note is in order. I'd suggest something along the lines of, "Please put the seat down, ladies. This is not a locker room." You know, something tactful.

Kara said...

But Goranas - this is the LADIES' room. If someone has a winkie, they don't belong in there!

waif - i dont' know if i have 'tactful' in me. it might have to be something more along the lines of "WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN? OR JUST AS A MAN? PUT THE DAMN SEAT DOWN"

Gorilla Bananas said...

Could one of your colleagues be a tranny? It's not always obvious.

Stinkypaw said...

Maybe some girl lifted the seat to throw up... and wiped her mouth after?! ...just saying...

Robert the Skeptic said...

I remember working in that building and the Mens and Women's rooms locations are reversed on different floors. See for yourself.

You will find on the 11th and 12th floors that the Mens rooms are larger than the Woman's. This harkens back to the days when Senior Executives populated the highest stories of an office building.. and they were mostly all Male.

I'm going to submit this to Snopes.Com

Twinkie said...

Maybe they're doing it as a sort of social experiment and they're blogging about it.

Day one: woman walks in to toilet seat off. I hear a few cusswords. A few minutes she storms off.

Day twenty: I can tell that subject of experiment is about to crack. I hope so because I don't know how much longer I can pull this off without being caught.

Jill said...

Oooh, Stinkie Paw could be right. Maybe you have a closet bulimic in the office.

Orhan Kahn said...

You should put a sign on the seat that specify's the many STD's that are transfered via the anus. I sure wouldn't sit on a seat that had such a list. In fact, such a list would make me cry..and I love lists.

The Future said...

I was going to suggest you may have someone who is going through a gender change but one of your prior commenters beat me to it. That is the most logical explanation to me (I'm dealing with one right now) although it's also entirely logical to think you may indeed have a "thin obsessed" co-worker somewhere in the office who is tossing both their breakfast and lunch cookies. I wouldn't compare either of these scenarios to the cat in the picture though.

AxAtlas said...

You should check the mens room stalls to see if their seats are down. Ya know, just for the sake of symmetry.

Kara said...

goranas - we do have someone who supposedly went through 'the change', but she usually uses the other stall (don't ask) and if she has decided to live as a woman, probably wouldn't want evidence of being a man left behind.

stinkypaw - ew. maybe. but wouldn't they not want anyone to know that and therefore, put the seat down? or do you think it's cry for help?

dad - what does snopes.com do?

twinkie - if they have that little to do at work, i will GIVE them something to do.

jill - but like i said to stinkypaw...wouldn't you want to "hide" the evidence, as it were?

or - lists are fun. it's worth thinking about.

mum - the cat is collateral damage.

ax - you couldn't pay me in either money or cookies to go in there. i work with nasty dudes.

Mandy's Kidding said...

Doesn't the theory of Occam's razor suggest that the explanation for any phenomenon is the simplest?

I think this leaves out tranny's and sex change patients. Besides, both of those parties would enjoy sitting down. That's why they're there.

I think this also leaves out any acts of malevolence, because it's a stretch to think that anyone is that evil or THAT certain that a lifted toilet seat would bother anyone much.

I say it leaves us with the supposition that it is indeed a woman.

This is the simplest explanation.

And when does a woman lift the toilet seat? Probably when she is going to vomit.

Now what is the simplest explanation for vomiting at work?

Not bulimia, because bulimics are notoriously secretive about their behavior. A bulimic probably not vomit at work, and even if she did, she would remove all traces of the shameful behavior, including putting the seat back down.

A sudden attack of stomach flu?

Possibly.

A woman who is in her first trimester of pregnancy?

Most likely.

I say it's a pregnant chick, or a chick with the flu.

Please call me Doctor Sherlock from now on.

Thank you.

Woozie said...

A small percentage of people prefer to wipe while standing.

Mary Witzl said...

Stinky paw beat me to it: I can foresee all sorts of other possibilities here. Just some of the things that can keep ME awake, in fact -- some of those things I can foresee.

Rachel Noy said...

Not a distasteful topic at all!
These things need to be brought out into the open, especially if accompanied with a cute lolcat and ingenious replies.

I hope you catch the perpetrator and bogwash them within their own weird seat-up realm.

Kara said...

mandy - if it's a pregnant chick, she's been in her first trimester for six months. that's how long this has been going on.

woozie - even if that's the case, if they are female, why is the seat lifted?

mary - stop that. you're scaring me.

rachel - well i'm glad you support me. maybe we can form an actual support group when this finally pushes me over the edge.

Rachel Noy said...

Or even better, I'll bring some UHU and some latex gloves and we can go on a rampage, gluing the offending seats down. Victory!

Sarah said...

Pretty sure you have a puker. I always have to blow my nose when I puke because I tend to launch through my nose. So maybe it's that. But I'm not sure I'd bother lifting the seat in a public place to throw up. The mystery continues...

Mycroft Holmes said...

It is vital to the Crime Scene Investigation of this scenario to remember two important facts:

Sometimes a dude gets a sweaty butt, and he wipes it after peeing.

AND

Sometimes a dude blows his nose.

Kara said...

rachel - i'm free this friday.

sarah - adding to the mystery doesn't help!

mycroft - but the dude should be doing all those things in the dude bathroom, shouldn't he? this room is for laaaadies.