Monday, June 15, 2009

I'd Hit That

Let me ask you something. Does this look like a face you want to hit?

Well it is...because that's what it's made for.

I think pinatas are the secret to preventing ulcers, going postal and downing entire bottles of asprin. I think this because I know it. This is not based on science, but let's face it...nothing good ever is.

I think that if we had pinatas in strategic locations around the country, there'd be less gang violence.

I think if we took pinatas to North Korea, we'd get turned away at the border because you can't go waltzing in to North Korea, not even with a pinata. But I still think we should try.

I think if pinatas were on every playground, there'd be no bullying. Only pinata bullying. And they like it.

I think pinatas are the key to unlocking the mystery of the universe AND the Da Vinci code. Unless it's filled with tootsie rolls. That's just disappointing.

I think pinatas are the first thing the pilgrims saw from the bow of the ships...and they knew they'd found the Promiseland. (Pin-a-ta means "awesome" in Iroquois. That's totally true.)

I think you see where I'm going.

This is what I would do to myself in a world without pinatas.

Don't let it happen, people.

17 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

You'd turn up your nose at a Dorito and make a funny face in a world without pinatas? I'm guessing you'd do that in any world. I wouldn't even call you dirty-blond in that picture. Closer to auburn.

Auri said...

Lots of Pinatas in Mexico = no ulcers... I think you've got a point.

And put the knife down drama queen... I'm sure one of GB's henchmen will be arriving shortly with a pretty pink unicorn pinata for you to beat the living shit out of (or the non-living candy out of).

Angela said...

I love pinatas. I made for each of my kids bithday for probably a good eight years before they decided they were too grown up for them. Bah--is there such a thing?

erin said...

My family has this sick fascination with watching me try and hit the pinata... I must look horribly embarrassing or something. Every party they have one all set up and even as an adult I get the most turns. "Let Erin Go Next!!!"
"Oh yeah, good idea! Erin you're up next" etc..etc..

Twinkie said...

I always felt like shanking the idiot that filled the pinata with useless junkie candy that is $1.00 for ten pounds because it's so shitty and nobody really eats it. Because I mean, really? What's the point?

Stinkypaw said...

If I feel like a pinata does that count in any way? At times I feel like the crap has been beaten out of me, and I'm full of shit... just saying...

Charlie said...

I agree with every word you said.

See how calm I am? I just beat the shit out of a pinata in the back yard and I'm c-a-l-m.

I won't be, though, 'cause it was my wife's rosebush I beat the hell out of—we're fresh out of pinatas.

Robert the Skeptic said...

Be careful what you wish for, case in point - From the news desk:

In subsequent years the Pietà sustained much damage...when a mentally disturbed geologist walked into the chapel and attacked the sculpture with a geologist's hammer while shouting "I am Jesus Christ." After his arrest, he was later quoted as saying "Sorry, I thought you said 'pinata'!?"

kara said...

goranas - it was dark in there, i didn't color my hair or anything. and that's not a dorito, that's a very overprices flat bread thing to go with a cheese platter.

auri - fact - everyone's a drama queen after 4 bottles of wine.

angela - threaten them with a stick until they admit that they're not too old for them. and welcome.

erin - let that be your next posted video, please.

twinkie - i feel the same way about the people who hand that shit out at halloween. would another $2 spent have killed them? no.

stinkpaw - no using the pinata as a metaphor! unless you're trying to say you're filled with candy! which you are!

charlie - just tell her that she's hallucinating and it totally really is a pinata.

dad - sounds like something i might do for fun.

erin said...

I don't have any video, but I bet my aunt does! Score!
And the junk is tiny. Like in a small envelope junky junk.

Auri said...

Very true... here again is where I think you and my dad would get along well. He has half a glass and starts yelling words like pussy in restaurants. Can't take the man anywhere.

Mary Witzl said...

Oh, I LOVE pinatas! Empty beer cans are great de-stressers too, if you're ever caught in a pinata-less pinch.

Orhan Kahn said...


rachel said...

I can't remember the last time I beat a pinata.

I want fudge.

The Future said...

Until they fill pinatas with Three Musketeer bars, they aren't worth my time or muscle.

kara said...

mary - i'd have to be involved with the emptying of them too.

or - what?! why?

rachel - that's what she said. oh man, i'm funny.

mummy - noted.

Jill said...

I will happily beat anything that looks like a "My Little Pony" with a big stick. And I will feel good about it.