Monday, June 01, 2009

Now That's Entertainment

We live on a corner with a bus stop. Across from the bus stop is a mini mart. They sell jojos that you make you want to sire their children. Wait. Chicks don't sire. Whatever. The bus stop is right next to an incredibly beautiful Catholic church. There's a farmer's market every Sunday a couple blocks in one direction and a police station the same amount of blocks in the other. Directly across the street and one block over is both The Grilled Cheese Grill and a bar that sells Frito Chili Pie. Yes. This is my street.

With the warm weather, we've been keeping both the front and back doors open for cross ventilation (things you learn about from living in the South), not to mention every window that we can pry open. We wake up the the sweetest sounding birds in the morning, and at night drift off to the soothing sounds of people out on the corner...tearing each other new assholes.


I cannot believe the quantity of fights/spats/all out brawls that go on at the bus stop and/or mini mart. Sometimes it's a group of people, sometimes it's just two. Sometimes it's just one really drunk dude yelling shit at his 40 of Milwaulkie's Best. Occasionally there's been sirens. Once there's been bullets. But every single day, there's something. Right now, I'm witnessing what I think is a domestic dispute. The exact context of the discourse is hard to decipher, but I'm fairly certain the term "ho" is one side's descriptor of choice for his opponent. When I walk out there to climb on my scooter in the morning, I'll have to watch for shattered glass left over from the physical portion of the event. Oftentimes beer bottles are mistaken for snowballs, you see, and are lobbed at one another like tangible exclamation points.

None of it actually worries me. I lived in much more dangerous neighborhoods when in New Orleans and there obtained all manner of both evasive and observantesque skills. I'm just kind of entranced by it. I could go off here about how I've got a romanticized ideal of what it's like to be a witness in a big case where I help solve a crime and am the backbone of justice, etc. But the fact is, I'm fucking nosy. I basically feel that if you're airing your dirty underthings on a public sidewalk at the top of your voice, you're inviting an audience. And if I've got nothing better going, shooot, I'll stand in my doorway with a glass of wine and some popcorn.

Extra butter.



Now, if you'll excuse me...

25 keep(s) me blogging:

Robert the Skeptic said...

Better yet, keep a video camera within reach. You could regularly upload the interesting street drama to YouTube and call it "Miss Kara's Neighborhood". People would tune in for the daily episodes; The Network could even pick it up.

Hell we live in a neighborhood where the HOA is concerned that the texture of your patio doesn't conflict with the design elements of your driveway. Makes me want to pop a few rounds through someone's garage door.

Wow, that was awkward said...

You neglected to admit how many of these spats directly involve your participation.

yinyang said...

Well, maybe you can't sire, but I know a chick or two that can.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You bet she can sire, she's just being coy. In ancient Rome, you were the chick who went to the amphitheatre five hours early to get a seat with the best view. But women weren't allowed the best seats, so a soldier would drag you up kicking and screaming to a higher one. Heh, I'm laughing at the image of you being hauled off by a Roman soldier!

Orhan Kahn said...

You dedicated a post to how nosy you are? A post on a public blog? Really! Goddamnit woman, you're not even trying anymore.

(Seriously though, this is probably your best post, ever. So subtly romantic, and yet all you.)

Rachel said...

That's one of the things that makes me wish I weren't deaf: the ability to eavesdrop.

Other than that, I'm glad I can at least sleep through the worst of humanity's asshattery.
Save some popcorn for me when I come over.

erin said...

Great Post Kara.
I love a little voyeurism and I love watching people and making up little back stories. There's a neat air of mystery to humanity and all of everyone's bullshit nonsense.

P.S. The Munch thing was just to see if anyone was paying attention...right...

Mary Witzl said...

I love eavesdropping myself. I've had some wonderful times sipping a nice latte and monitoring a juicy conversation going on in the background. If I can hear it, I'm hardly going to plug my ears. You're right: a show is a show.

Tiny Sneezer said...

It's MilwaukEE's Best - it came from Wisconsin, not the misspelled town to the south of Portland, get it right, Greg would be ashamed of you.

Greg said...

Ummm... yeah. It's spelled Milwaukee, not Milwaulkie. This ranks far and beyond above the who/whom error I pointed out to you earlier. Shocking.

Charlie said...

Extra butter on wine tastes like shit (metaphorically, that is).

Auri said...

Sounds like we live on the same street several hundred miles apart. I love the couples who walk by with their kids in strollers and cigarettes hanging out of their mouths... then there is the 'special' couple that strolls along every other day to the corner market. She always wears a read dress (always) and he walks half hunched over. They never talk. The arguments are the best. And I was literally just talking about bus stop arguments two days ago with my hub. People go ape-shit in public (no harm intended Mr. Bananas, I'm sure you're more cultured than that...)

Auri said...

BTW, Kara... pardon my ignorance... but what are "beets, mushrooms, avocado" all about?

nic said...

I always thought it was strange to listen to other people argue. It bothers me, but I think it's because I'm not good at arguing.

It sounds like it's just me and the short coming out there-- we're paring down the visit. No Pacific Coast highway, but hell, I'll rent a car and we can hang. Is there ever a good time?

Stinkypaw said...

Reads like an interesting corner... reminds me of where I grew up! Aaawww the good old days... :-)

Rachel Noy said...

Seriously, who needs soap operas or horror films when the two are combined for free.

Funnily enough, I live opposite a bus stop, and I always hear fights there too. Unfortunately no bullets as they are harder to come by here, but knives always seem to be a happy friend. Yours sound like so much more fun.

kara said...

dad - that's the way a girl gets stalkers.

wow - spectator only!!

yin/goranas - i thought dudes "sire" and women "conceive". no? wrong? everything for everybody?

or - put that flattery away, i'll bake nothing for you!

rachel - i saw the seinfeld last night where they make jerry's deaf girlfriend read lips across the room at a party so they could eavesdrop. it was pretty great. i see a goal in your future.

erin - there's less mystery when they're yelling in the street, but somehow, it's just as entertaining.

mary - and a show with feathered headdresses is even MORE of a show.

tiny sneezer and greg - i misspell beers i don't respect. booyah.

charlie - don't knock it 'til you try it!

auri - dunno, which of the three did you click on? i actually don't know what that little bit of the template is for so, you know, why not beets.

nic - it would be different if it was someone you knew, too. that makes it personal = uncomfortable. and however it happens, if you manage to make it here this summer, well damnit, you should!

stinkypaw - you can go re-enact them on your own corner for funsies!

ra-noy - i don't know...nothing really beats a good shivving on a sunny day.

twinkie said...

I used to work accross the street from a rent by the week hotel called the Tav Cam and hence it spurned a series of blogs specifically on the going ons of the people that temporarily lived there. The Tav Cam Adventures. Then they kicked everybody out and renovated and once it was clean not much happened! I was both sad and happy at the same time.

Twinkie said...

Oooh... also, I went to visit my mom once (bad part of town) actually... the whole town is bad. LOL

anyways... as we were leaving I saw a kid (about 10 years old?) riding a bike. he stopped. Went into my mom's neighbors FRONT YARD and stole a chicken. Then took off on his bike. HiFREAKENlarious.

Gotta love good ol fashioned neighborhoods, right?

kara said...

twinkie - tav cam sounds like someplace that's always under surveillance.

erin said...

I came by here to comment on your new post to find that you don't have a new post. Again. Didn't we have a talk about this?

I guess you have a life...and whatnot. But what about me?

Amber said...

In German, "schenken" (pronounced like "shank") means to give as a gift.

In prison, "shank" is to stab someone.

I'm pretty sure you get the connection.

Mia Dickinson said...

Oh I feel like getting the popcorn out. I love watching drama on the streets

yinyang said...

i thought dudes "sire" and women "conceive". no? wrong? everything for everybody?

Conceiving involves pregnancy, and siring involves non-pregnancy, so technically some men can conceive and some women can sire.

The Future said...

This sounded like a column in Willamette Week to me.