Monday, June 22, 2009

What Artichokes Say About People

Everything you need to know about someone can be determined based on their relationship with artichokes.

Loves them in all natural and processed forms of gloriousness:
Can speak to forest creatures. And fairies. Occasionally grants wishes

Likes the fresh hearts but doesn't dig teeth-scraping the leafy goodness:

Might sell your baby to gypsies for gambling monies


Only likes the hearts when marinated in a jar/can:

Indecisive with a propensity to commit armed robbery


Doesn't like them at all:

Serial killer


Is unfamiliar with them on the whole:
Survived a long smuggling-related imprisonment on a deserted island.


Feel free to print this guide out and keep it in your wallet. That way you can refer to it if you ever come up against someone you're not sure about. It may just save your life one day. Or something.


kara out.

14 keep(s) me blogging:

Robert the Skeptic said...

Psychological vegetable profiles are complex. For example, what would one say about someone who likes artichokes but hates mushrooms?? Ahhhh, not so easy now, is it!!

Gorilla Bananas said...

No mention of dip when discussing artichokes - forgetful woman, inclined to be tetchy when poked with a stick.

erin said...

Can I get wishes granted instead of doing the granting of them? Does that make sense?

What I'm saying is that I love artichokes and I need a new car!

Rachel said...

Hmm.

I not a fan of artichokes, but I don't dislike them either. I like the hearts with other foods. For example, best artichoke I ever ate was on a eggplant-sundried tomato-artichoke heart pizza.

Best pizza I ever had, srsly!

Brendan said...

I have bad news about your boyfriend.

Macoosh said...

i always knew i was a serial killer. it wasn't all the people i killed and store in my freezer that gave it away, it was the dislike for artichokes.

however, i am willing to try them again. it's been a while.

in the meantime, look out. my new serial killing rampage is based upon girls who take photos w/ david cross.

Auri said...

Always wondered why I could talk to the trees... giggle giggle...

Stinkypaw said...

You mean not everyone can talk to fairies?

kara said...

papapapapa - i'd say that person is a genius and most likely parented me.

goranas - i'm not rude enough to dig into people's dip business. i know the social limits.

erin - simple. make a car out of an artichoke. you're welcome.

rachel - you're a paradox and i have no time for you. smooches.

b-rock - don't think i didn't notice your varied collection of ski masks in the closet.

macooshala - those girls are ready to die...they've reached the pinnacle of happiness.

auri - if only you'd had this in your wallet.

stinkypaw - common misconception, but no, not everyone can. feels good to be special, doesn't it?

theWaif said...

what does it mean when one enjoys the leafy scrapings but not the hearts? i hope it means that one has a propensity for winning the lottery.

kara said...

waif - ohmigod, i forgot your kind existed!

you get a special place in heaven because you give your heart to others. to eat.

Charlie said...

I was sucking on an artichoke leaf when I accidentally swallowed it and started to choke and a guy named Art gave me the Artichoke Maneuver and I coughed the artichoke leaf right up and across Art's restaurant (he was the owner of Artichokes Are Us). "You have a lot of heart, Art, when you're helping people who choke on your artichokes," I told him.

Ever since then I only eat tuna fish.

AxAtlas said...

What's your take on squash?

The Future said...

Remember sitting around the table with our little bowls of melted lemon butter dripping off the ends of the perfectly steamed leaves? Um, it would make me hungry just thinking about it if only I were.