Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Not Up To Code

I bet you wish you lived in this cool ass house. But you can't because I live there.This was taken as I was leavingfor work...then I got to ride the bus for 1/3 of a mile before we got stuck behind a bus that was actually stuck so I had to walk the other 2 miles. Alas. Oregonians are idiots in snow. We're like dogs. We sniff and try to bite it, then freak out and run back and forth until we get tired. See...all we know is rain. Or, at this time of year, it's more like snain. But you get the idea.
That's the view from my front door. I opened it and was like "woah...guess I need to change out of these three inch heels". I didn't say any of that out loud, though. Just to myself. And then I went and put on boots. The end.
The view from my office window. My practically empty office. Only the bad asses made it in. We're forming a bad ass brigade. There will be a secret handshake. (Oh, and earlier we saw a naked guy in one of those hotel windows across the street...it was not what one would call 'pretty'. I mean, for god's sake, man, it's snowing outside, put on some pants!)
Ok, enough about the snow. Last Saturday Amy G. and I went out dancing. I haven't done this in ages and it was TIME. The Holocene (local venue) was hosting an "International Night" with an Indian and a Brazilian DJ. So we get there and the place was packed with...get this...a trillion urban hipsters all dressed in black and white hipster regalia. INCLUDING myself. What can I say, my Soul Rebel t-shirt needed a night out.

The first DJ (Indian) was showing Bollywood movie clips to go with her set. I felt like I'd wandered onto the set for
Bend it Like Beckham. The thing of it is...skinny urban hipster types do NOT know how to dance to this type of music. There was a lot of head bobbing...some flailing...and some hopping from foot to foot. I was DYING. We couldn't help but openly laugh at people. Amy G. and I are club elitists, though...like clockwork upon entering any club she likes to announce "We're the hottest things in here". Regardless of whether or not it's true...it makes us laugh.

Anyway, on to the explanation of the title. At one point, several drinks in, Amy G. is trying to get me to climb up onto this stage type thing to show the room what's what. I looked at the rickety thing and the other winners who were already rocking it and told her, "That thing is NOT up to code" (as in 'I will not risk my life on a wobbly piece of plywood just to show this room what's what'). For some reason, this was hilarious to her. We began to apply it to everything. It spread like wildfire. Any skeezy guy that rolled up on us was automatically informed that they were "not up to code". The insanely long line at the bar..."not up to code". The empty self-serve water jug... "not up to code". The cheesy fries we ate at 3 in the morning..."not up to code" (they lacked chili). Everything. EVERYTHING.! And you know what? In the cold light of day, it's still the best new randomly applicable saying EVER! That is, til we get tired of it and come up with a new one.

Enough of this. I want to go stare out the window.

18 keep(s) me blogging:

The Future said...

I can't believe I'm the first commenter. Do I get a prize? Or maybe you could simply remove the "not up to code" label from me. That would be nice. It's good to know that you enjoyed spending hours working off the cheese fries in advance. It sounds like it was an excellent night, even with the Bend It Like Beckham similarity.

Jennifer said...

Not up to code is brilliant. Good work. I am so ready to go home and throw the cat out into the snow. But then I might night be able to see him in his snoflage, as it were.

Jill said...

Gah, what do you do if your whole life is not up to code? Just answer me that. I'm waiting....

Kara said...

future - damn right we did. by the time we ate those cheese fries, our metabolism was, like, crazy high.

jen - good luck with that. my cat will be indoors where it is precisely ten degrees warmer than it is outside. i hate my life.

jill - I'll tell you what you do...you get in the passenger side of the car and hold onto your socks for dear life while your husband does cookies over a sheet of ice in an empty strip mall parking lot. You get out of that alive...then it's ALL up to code. And you can come home and have hot chocolate laced with snapps. Words to live by.

Kara said...

schnapps...damnit.

Jill said...

Oh thank god. I thought there was a liquor out there that I'd never heard of. Or a rat poison.

AxAtlas said...

Did you ever make your snow angels? Like um snow angels that are "up to code"?...okey, that saying is really "girl power".

slaghammer said...

During the time I lived in Beaverton, I made the mistake of driving the hour and a half it took to get to a jobsite at the beginning of an ice storm. It took me over eight freaking hours to get back home. Lucky for me, I was driving a six thousand pound car. The Oregonians were bouncing off my three hundred pound chrome bumper like ping pong balls.

Gorilla Bananas said...

"I bet you wish you lived in this cool ass house."

If I lived anywhere near that house my ass would be cooler than a polar bear's.

Kara said...

Jill - i don't know how to poison rats...but i sure as hell wouldn't use precious liquor to do so. actually, i'd probably feed them a little of my cooking.

ax - Roomie and I made a Victorian Snow Lady. She was as hideous as she was ugly. Well...is...since she's still standing on our front lawn. Yes, we got pictures. No, you can't see them.

slag - you lived in BEAVERTON???? Ewwwwww.

goranas - gorillas don't like the snow? don't have much use for it in the congo? too bad...you don't know what you're missing. and i bet polar bears' asses are warmer than you think.

thethinker said...

Snow! Lucky!

All I get is rain and ice. I'll trade you.

INAMINI said...

It's embarrassing how in the Northwest no one can handle snow. I mean, it's snowed quite a few times, and people are still taking their Camaros and Cadillacs and geting stuck and abandoning them all over the freeway. Makes you hope we never make it to the national news.

AxAtlas said...

Fine. Be that way ("Girl Power" way). Now that I think about it, I don't wanna see your good gosh golly Victorian Snow Lady anyway!

Sarah said...

You are a badass. I didn't leave the house yesterday, except to get into a major snowball fight with my neighbors.

froelica said...

Snow is awesome. Me, James and some random dudes went "shoe sledding" down various hills in Goose Hollow last night. It was great. James' boots won. They're like little toboggans. Damn me and my gripping snow boots. Damn me I say!!!

Doug said...

i really should comment on this. but i have comment block. what? it's a pretty common problem. it happens to a lot of men. don't judge me!

Kara said...

thinker - hell no...that's all we USUALLY get. this is like a january miracle.

ax - she melted this morning. i's sad.

sarah - well i would've totally switched my bad assness for your snowball fight. being at work sucked.

fro - we women and our delicate shoe tastes don't have a chance. it's really not fair.

d - or should i say...DOUG...if that is your real name...i'll let it go this time, but don't expect me to always be this understanding.

A chuisle said...

the fact that you have sticking snow and i don't is not up to code. the fact that it just started snowing today after I've been home waiting for it for 5 weeks is not up to code. and the fact that it'll probably mess with my flight is waaaay not up to code.

i shall have to live through your snain and snow experiences. thank you for not disappointing. ;)