Thursday, May 29, 2008

I Caught ADHD

I got the skivvies I’m currently wearing at a Halloween party. I just remembered this. Some dude was dressed up as a Gynecologist and he had panties stuffed into all the pockets of his lab coat. At the end of the night he came up to me and was all “Want these?” (holding a wad of black lace in front of my face). “They’re brand new and they look like your size.” So I looked at the tag and saw that they were indeed both brand new and my size. And I took them home, washed them (because ew) and 2 years later am still wearing them. Isn’t that a nice story? I like it when garments have a history. And if you’re honest with yourself, I think you do too.

Memorial Day Weekend was mayhem. I’m not going into it. I am going into the fact that you cannot catch a goddman taxi in this town past 2:00 AM. I’m starting a fucking cab service and making a mint. A mint, I tell you. Drunk bitches can ride on the back of my scooter. Bitches ride bitch. We all know this. When we were in
New York on a Saturday night we couldn’t get a fucking cab either. And then it was only 11:00 PM. What’s going ON with the world? There are three things that should be readily available for whenever, and I do mean whenever, you need them…cabs, sex and eye drops. I’m hoping Obama can fix this when he becomes the President. He will, you know…because I’m backing him, and I have influence over all the beasties of the land. Not sure how that’s helpful, but I feel a fantastic movie plot coming on.

I can’t believe Sydney Pollack died. I just saw him in Michael Clayton and he looked fine! No pallor of death at all! I have no hope for my 70s. They seem like they’re going to be tumultuous years full of uncertainty as to whether or not I’m even going to wake up in the morning. And I better wake up. I’ll have giant hats that'll need sporting.

Speaking of Weezer, I just saw their new video yesterday (Pork and Beans or something) and I almost couldn’t sit through it due to the skeez ‘stache Rivers is sporting. I used to think he was geek hot too. These ‘staches are an infection and I will come up with the cure even if it means I have to purchase a flame thrower.
I have to go buy meat. Latas.

16 keep(s) me blogging:

Stinkypaw said...

Interesting undies story... do have many like that?

Weezer don't look so geeky anymore... sad... Like you wrote "What's going ON with the world?"

theWaif said...

Please do start a Bitches Ride Bitch taxi company, I so want to design that logo.

Gorilla Bananas said...

He knew they were your size? I guess he must have been staring at your butt all evening. He was quite a gentleman to ask for nothing in return. I would have made you balance an olive on your nose or something. You should have got his number.

Kara said...

stinky - no. most of my skivvis come from target or ross. so this pair is special.

waif - do the logo anyway. i'll post it.

goranas - men have been known to stare at my ass in the past. though i rarely consider it a compliment. i just assume they think it's fat.

Rachel said...

Black lace skivvies for free from a guy you barely know...thats HAWT!

Now, after that exchange between you and Goranas, I am wondering whats so special about your ass, too.

AxAtlas said...

Really? You can't catch a cab past 2am? I've found it freakin' easy...once you hit the right spots especially in downtown.
Next week is going to be tough. Ya gotz to let me know in advance...like a day or more or a couple hours before or...ya know. .

Sarah said...

Hands down, the best underwear aquiring story I've heard.
I'm sorry about the cab. You should have stayed on my couch, you know.

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robert the Skeptic said...

If I am even out of the house, let alone awake, at 2:00 AM... I am more likely to be in a ambulance than a cab.

thethinker said...

Eye drops... Why eye drops?

Kara said...

dad - that's...sad.

thinker - have you ever gotten something in your eye? i rest my case.

The Future said...

So the moral of the story is...

Orhan Kahn said...

You've told me about your panties and how readily available you want sex. All I need to hear is something nice about beer and you got yourself a stalker.

As for the 'staches fashion infecting society at the moment, lets just say they're not as bad as neck beards! I was going to link the words 'neck beards' to a Google image search, but I don't think that is something you need to see.. wtf, a naked obese woman eating cake on the first search result page. Wtf indeed.

Mary Witzl said...

Cabs, sex and eye drops? Hmmm. I'd be more inclined to go for cabs, back rubs and athlete's foot medication. Oh, and that stuff you put on cold sores to stop them from getting icky. But I'm only allowed three, right?

The guy in plain glasses is still a proper nerd. Be thankful for small favors.

problemchildbride said...

Cabs are shockingly hard to come by in this country, outside the East coast. I think many forces have to align. A butterfly must fart in Asia or something and Barbara Bush must smile warmly.

Kara said...

future - why does everything need a moral with you, lady? hmmmm? you should buy me lunch this week.

or - beer is nice.

mary - back pain can be endured...having something in your eye cannot. at least not for a wus like me. and i've never had athlete's foot.

sam - babs doesn't smile...it causes cracks in the rhino skin