Thursday, May 22, 2008

NONSENSE

I don't have anything to write about. I haven't been watching the news. I listen to the radio in the mornings, but it all turns into mental jelly by the second meeting of the day. I haven't read anything that I would recommend. I've been paying very little attention to world events. I've been paying even less attention to local events. I literally turned in my ballot at the last possible second out of sheer laziness. I haven't seen a good show in a while (though hoping to go to Beirut this weekend...the band, not the city), the last movie I saw was Be Kind, Rewind, which isn't even worth reviewing. I've been extraordinarily self-involved, drinking and carousing and filling my time with mindless entertainment. Boys. Booze. Work. Quotes from Willow. Food. Blogs about myself. Shit like that.

Speaking of shit like that...

They (those nameless assholes) say that men reach their sexual peak at 19. And women at 30. Based on that totally insupportable statistic, I maintain that it is natural and right for a woman of 28 to be single and completely obsessed with her own satisfaction. Men get that whole "oat sowing" period until their 30s. Beyond that (based on the above), they're practically useless to us women for anything but loosening pickle jar lids. Or donating for procreational purposes. THEN they get into their 40s or later, whatever, and they get to have a mid-life crisis and fuck around with a skinny bitch 20 years their junior. Unless they are extraordinarily rich and named Elizabeth Taylor, women have no such option. I'm here to say that I believe this to be bullshit. And maybe this is just classic female rationalization for treating another human being like a toy. So what if it is. At least we feel guilty about it. Sort of. Enough to over-analyze in a blog post after a couple blueberry vodka tonics. On a Thursday.

But seriously...try to follow along this train of thought here, I promise it will lead to a point. Women's bodies are constructed in such a way that giving birth is easiest to do and recover from during the younger years, the same time men are at their sexual peak. And yet, our bodies begin to reject the idea (and fact) of pregnancy once we pass our 30s...when sex should be at it's best for us. Once we're finally inspired to have as much of it as possible. How fucked up is that? Which milestone birthday of Fate's did we forget to be punished with such a reality?

In a perfect world, men and women would be perfectly synced in this regard. Both genders' peaks would be at approximately the same age. And at that time, an internal switch would flip, and *poof*, procreation is possible (and OPTIONAL). And that age would be around 30. Maybe 32. I don't know what difference the two years would make, but 30 sounded too round. Think about how much more willing we women would be to furnish the Earth if such a world existed. Unless I'm the only woman who thinks this way. But I really don't think I am. I want my cake and I want to eat it too...only I want the cake to be a brownie...but I want to be able to try partners on for size without having to decide right away if they're going to be the one who provides me with midge-sized versions of myself for the next several years. I want the option to wait until I'm fucking READY to "settle down". I hate that term but it fits. Mean have that option. Women start panicking at just about this age. Even me.

Ok, maybe I never got to a concrete point, but it's late and I'm tired and if I read this thing I'll never post it. So I'm just going to post it and go to bed and maybe tomorrow my work day will be slow enough that I'll have something light and airy to write about before anyone sees this.

Peace out, bitches.

17 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Basically what you're saying is you want to be a female chimp. They have no menopause, have babies throughout their lives AND become more attractive to males as they get older. The downside is that they have to be submissive and aren't allowed to use birth control. You'll be ready to settle down when you meet a man who makes you feel submissive, which may be never.

Kara said...

wow, goranas...you really shouldn't deliver such staggering statements unless you do so while pouring me a drink.

Sarah said...

Ok.
1. You've always panicked about this, not just now.
2. Maybe, just maaaaybe, we're set up so that we can get our child rearing days out of the way while we don't give a crap about sex. That way, when we're done having kids, we can be bunnies. (Rationalization of the day)
3. Blueberry vodka tonics? Gaaak.
4. See you tomorrow.

AxAtlas said...

Delay of game on the defense. 5 Year Penalty. Repeat 1st down.

Robert the Skeptic said...

OK, well a wise and very bald man once said:
"A woman is like a blossom , with honey for just one man.
A man must be like honey-bee and gather all he can. yada yada yada"...

Maybe you missed stating your possible solution in your own post... Why don't YOU try being the "20 years their junior" chick and scan for some 48 y/o guys? They probably have more money, if nothing else.

Tell me more about the Blueberry Tonic - You got us hooked on Cosmos which are now our favorite drink. We love blueberry!! Recipe please!

Jahooni said...

my mom was 40 when she had me... my sister, um naief, just had her first baby at age 40. i am 35 this year come july, i am a mother now of 8 years and would give anything to have another baby, today, tomorrow, 5 years from now...

a womans body is God's gift and i thank Eve for that. i am at my peak right now and i love it and can't get enough... if a baby comes of it, then i would be blessed in many ways than one, two or **cough cough** three, four.... ;)~ oh where was I?

have you missed me? *giggles*

Jahooni said...

ps, i want the same drink that GB just served you. ;)~

Mary Witzl said...

Oh man, if whoever invented this whole system had just asked ME -- I could really have made things a lot more fun and sane, I'm sure of it! Sigh.

I hate the fact that just when we're all smart and canny, the fellows stop looking our way. It's so unfair! Back when I was a giddy young thing, I had more male attention than I knew what to do with. Harrison Ford can be Indiana Jones at his age, but can you picture a woman getting away with this?

Still, I knew a woman who had her first baby at the age of 45. Personally, I'd rather try the Indiana Jones stunts, but she did just fine and the baby was perfect.

froelica said...

Someday I'll panic too. But for now I'm just enjoying being able to leave my "children" at home for hours or days on end without having social services called on my negligent ass.

The Future said...

It's all a matter of opinion. Kids, drinks, peaks, lows, younger options, it's all relative. What works for you may not work for anyone else. You're free to be you!

Stinkypaw said...

I don't fit that mold, that's for sure. Never wanted kids, don't have any and since 40 hit me, I KNOW I made the right decision (for me!). There was a time, when I truly enjoyed being single and explored alot, now, I've sort of calmed down. I say "sort of" because despite the husband I still have a wandering eye. As I'm getting older I'm turning into a "cougar lady" (if that's the expression), so maybe that's why our peaks our different, but then again, I've always felt that way... so... Enjoy your time alone, that's all I have to say!

Orhan Kahn said...

When it comes to love, life and sex women always sound as if they're about to die if they can't have a little bit of it all. I don't know, men just have it easier. Nothing more to say, really. Alls I know is that I'm one to save my oats for the right field, I don't just throw seeds about to see what lands.. or should I say to see what sticks?

Kara said...

sarah - blueberry vodka. yum. i'm a little off booze for the moment, tho.

ax - i hope that makes sense to someone.

dad - all the boyfriends have been older. and some of them have been extraordinarily immature. i don't trust age anymore.

jahooni - it's an enviable position. a kid for me at this juncture would call for a big fat spin of the ol' twister arrow. if you catch my drift.

mary - i know huh. i say ditto to your whole damn comment.

fro - go on with yourself now, you young thing.

mummy - step off hippie!

stinkypaw - don't you lose that wandering eye...that's how you'll know you're not dead.

or - that's fucking disgusting. i feel like you should buy me breakfast now.

Orhan Kahn said...

It's a date.

Susie Q said...

Any ramblings fueled by blueberry vodka tonics are null and void. Null, I tell ya.
Blueberry? Really? Yeeeesssh...

Susie Q said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
problemchildbride said...

Holy shit, woman! Be calm! You're only 28!

But it can't be 30 for a woman, can it? I thought it was 40. I was holding out for 40!!!!

No. No. I won't believe it's 30. I just simply won't. It's got to be 40 or I'm not playing any more.