Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Photographers Are Douches

And I mean it too.

But first let me just say that I'm writing this evening's tidbit of joy on my new Dave. No, I'm not sitting on my roommate; Dave is what Ikea has labeled its darling little adjustable laptop desk in black that I just put together with two, count them TWO allen wrenches and a bit of love. And now I won't end up with a giant lump on my back once I reach my geriatric golden years from leaning over my coffee table trying to entertain you yahoos.

About a long time ago the ol' coworkers and I did another one of our Team Building exercises involving testing the new Happy Hour at ClarkLewis...a local hoity toity restaurant resting in the Warehouse District. It kind of blew. But we had fun. Anyway, some dude was taking pictures of us and then came up and asked if it was ok after the fact since it was for the local paper (a little one) and we were all "whatevs" because we'd been drinking.

We all forgot about it.

And then I saw this today. Do it, follow the hyperlink. I'll wait.

The article isn't important, mainly because I didn't even read it. But the picture. Let's focus on that shall we?
Marie has an irrational hatred of having her face on the internets so she's been blacked out by me and a little something I like to call the "paint" program. Everyone else I don't know what their preferences are but they're published in a newspaper so they can't be that sensitive. I'd now like to direct your attention to the blond chick in the front with what looks like HER FINGER UP HER FUCKING NOSE. That would be me.

To set the record straight, I was wiping my nose. It was really itchy. When I get allergies that's what they involve...and itchy nose and eyes. And that's what was going on there. That photographer took SEVERAL pictures of our group and THIS is the one he chose. Because he is a DOUCHE BAG. It literally looks like my index finger is jammed so far up my nasal cavity that it's completely disappeared. Unfair!

The media is the source of all the world's ills and this photograph is the scientific proof. Irrefutable evidence. Thank Hearst no one reads that damn paper.

14 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

(1) I knew you were the blond chick without telling me. Your silhouette is as familiar as Mary Poppins's.

(2) I knew you weren't picking your nose because your nose is pink. Look at the picture carefully and detect the pinkness.

I'd like to make your face pink as well, but I can't think of anything that would embarrass you enough.

Orhan Kahn said...

I thought you were drinking from a cup. On closer inspection you certainly do appear to be digging deep for charity.

Sarah said...

Here's the thing. You're right handed. Who picks their nose with the least nimble hand? Not you, that's who.

Susie Q said...

Kara, you have learned a valuable life lesson here. If there is the remote possibility of a gawd awful pic being chosen for publication, 'twill occur.
And yes, you do look like you're mining for gold, sorry.

Kara said...

goranas - i don't know how familiar mary poppins' is to you...but i bet it's not enough. and no one else will look that closely for the pinkness. they'll just assume i'm at a dig.

and i can get embarrassed. yes indeed.

or - charity? oh no...i sell that shit for PROFIT.

sarah - no one else knows i'm right handed. it's all perception with the kids today.

sue - sigh. i know. and it would have been such a nice profile otherwise.

theWaif said...

A couple words of advice for you for the next time you decide to go out in public: bring kleenex. Might save you from these little embarrassments. And you could have been a bit more elegant about the way you blocked out Marie's picture. A nice little gaussian blur or something would have been nicer. Your shabby "paint" job makes it look like her head exploded. Poor Marie.

The Future said...

Leave it to your sister to paint a gruesome picture of a gross but innocent incident. That's what you get for giving her your blog address. I never taught you to share that much! All sorts of repurcussions.

Rachel said...

perhaps no one reads that paper, but plenty read this blog (go on, check your stats!) and now everyone who knows you and plenty of those who don't, now have seen you "wiping" your nose.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this! So brave!

problemchildbride said...

I knew you right away. "There she is," I thought to myself. "But what in hell is she doing to her nose?"


Stinkypaw said...

I actually thought you were wiping your nose... now I'm not so sure anymore...

Orhan Kahn said...

Oh, my. Nasty!

Robert the Skeptic said...

So you had your one shot at fame and you "blew" it!

You know, there is a "Seinfield" episode that deals with this very issue.

Kara said...

waif - don't knock my usage of "paint". i passed basic design 101 in college with that program. yeah.

mum - she's a jerk. i blame your parenting. no wait, that would make me a jerk.

rachel - oh i'm checking my stats RIGHT NOW...
62 hits yesterday it looks like. most of those were probably you. stalker.

sam - blurgh. at least my hair's washed.

stinkypaw - to be sure that's what i'm doing. seriously i've got enough table manners that i don't generally go at it in public.

or - your FACE is nasty. snap.

dad - it better not be about George Constanza. i want no parallels with the man.

nic said...

1. I agree that people photographers are douche bags. The short's father is a photographer and also a bag of douche.

2. I thought you were drinking something. Perhaps some trendy liqueur of some sort. so it never entered my mind that you were picking your nose.

And what I say is what everyone else thought who saw that picture in the paper. Because I said so.