Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Rite of Passage # 36

All my adult life, I’ve done all my traveling with a backpack. Like here: This is probably why I can crack my back in the most relievingly awful sounding ways. Having just returned from three weeks of carrying cans and bottles of beer around Eastern Europe (yes, I know I’m an idiot) I decided to take a stand and buy a suitcase with wheels. So yesterday, a friend and I took a late afternoon “need to see daylight” break and went to find what turned out to be a sea of luggage in cRoss Dress for Less. I immediately began hyperventilating. They were organized by color. COLOR. And there were about 70 different sizes and all sorts of shapes and textures and brands. BRANDS. But my friend is an organized person and so the process of elimination went thus:
No black. Kansas had a black suitcase and I almost killed HIM in my impatience waiting for it to show up on the conveyer belt after the trip to the Homeland. Everybody and their goddamn grandmother has black.

No red. Despite the fact that I LOVE red and am drawn to it like a married stiff to a bordello…so is every other woman. It’s almost as prevalent as black.

No floral prints or anything that appears upholstered. I didn’t like it when Mary Poppins rocked it. I don’t like it now.

No backpacks with wheels. That’s just fucking LAZY. And there's no room for shoes.

Nothing big enough to fit my whole body in. I don’t want any accidental slave smuggling going on in my luggage. What…this shit happens. Watch TV, you’ll learn things.

No animal prints – this should be self explanatory, but I found myself walking toward an orange tiger print. Then I slapped myself back into good sense. It left a mark.

This left me with fluorescent pink and green hearts on a black background OR black and white polka dots. Guess what I chose. I’ll give you a hint – this blog is covered in them.

I’ll give you another hint because you’re obviously all quite thick – there’s a picture of the bag below. So now I have luggage. It only took an hour of opening and wheeling and examining and debating and extending and unextending and zipping and unzipping to change my life forever. I’m all grows up. See you punks in 4 days.

16 keep(s) me blogging:

Stinkypaw said...

'Love 'em! They're cute, you'll find them easy on the caroussel and they look roomy enough! You go girl!

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think you should try travelling inside your own suitcase, it would be cute to see you pop out like a jack-in-the-box. Are you going somewhere then? You said you were going to New York, but I can't remember when.

Rachel said...


they are the cutest luggage EV-A!

I must steal them.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

I like 'em. You can always colour the spots in red too, if you like.

I too know luggage joy, but also luggage despair. We needed a new suitcase once and I had seen a fabulous yellow one. Then we got a black one as a present from my sister-in-law. A black one. Indistinguishable from the many, many black ones in the traveling world. And so it would have been foolish to buy another, no matter how sweet and yellow it was.

I'd like to say I was grateful for her thoughtful gift. I'd like that.

nic said...

those. are. ossim!

I have a backpack. I like it. I also have hand-me-down tapestry luggage. And I think I'm in luggage hell.

but I'm not going anywhere for a while. Sometime soon, though. As soon as I find a reasonable destination with reasonable prices.

which reminds me, if you're feeling crazy, my harmless friend macaroni is out there in portland for work for a couple days. email him if you want him to buy you a beer or three. (

and no, I'm not his pimp. He's weird, he's nice, but he would never make me any money if he were one of my harem. But he has a nice personality once you get to bullshitting with him...

Orhan Kahn said...

And there's no room for shoes.

Enough said.

thethinker said...

Accidental slave smuggling? Whoa... what TV shows are you watching?

Robert the Skeptic said...

Yeah we finally too the plunge also and bought "the Babe" some rolling luggage. We had the Rick Steves "carry on" style we lugged through several years and a couple of continents. But we always ended up checking it.

The wife finally figured out the "lug" in luggage derived from lacking wheels... so we relented and went with rolling.

But yes, it is indeed more difficult to recognize it on the airport carousel, being "generic blue" and all. But what the hell... if she can roll it, I don't have to carry it.

Aloha from the Big Island. BTW "the Face" LOVES the ocean. He's going to be one of those blond surfer dudes when he hits puberty. I know it!

Aku said...

Excellent choice!

I have a light blue Samsonite suitcase which is great for adult trips (work) but I would never go anywhere on a holiday with a suitcase. I need my backpack! Taking a suitcase on a holiday would be like giving up to adulthood. I think you've got the balance right with your dotty new suitcase.

Sarah said...

Well done. I approve of the polka dots.
I have one of those I can fit myself in. Not a good choice for a packrack. I had to pay an extra $25when we went to Disneyland for 4 days. Stooooopid. It wasn't that I packed so much for me, but that I could fit mine, Josh's and Kate's stuff in ONE bag. Yeah, real helpful that turned out to be.

The Future said...

Nothing else would have "suited" you. If you have been traveling for work for the last 20 years like I have, you would have gotten to this point long ago. When you're lugging laptops, briefcases and luggage, the lugging becomes overwhelming and you thank God for the invention of wheels. And of course, polka dotted wheels are the best of the best, well, they would be if they were red at least.

I hope New York has welcomed you with open arms, in a manner of speaking. See you in a couple.

Mary Witzl said...

I'll never forget buying my first suitcase -- it was such a weird feeling. You get dissed less by passport control with a suitcase, though; people my age with backpacks are just asking to have them searched, as it's a known fact that old guys with backpacks must be ageing potheads in denial. And you're so right about backpacks with wheels. Pathetic.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Voting day!!!

Rachel said...

Hey, its Teusday the 20th!! YA know what that MEANS?

Whoo! Flag-waving, sign-holding, exercize-your-citizenship DAY!

Not to pressure you or anything...


cathy said...

I too graduated to a suitcase last year, and then regressed back to the backpack. I think a discerning ladygirl in her 30s can pick and choose between the two. It's merely a matter of context.

My suitcase is purple. It stands out like nothing else on the luggage carousel. And clashes with any and every outfit. I didn't think it through properly.

Kara said...

s'up y'all!

guess who voted. GUESS?!