Friday, March 30, 2007

Workin' For The Man Every Night And Day

The official form to request additional help by employing either a temp or a new-hire is called...wait for it...

REQUISITION TO SPEND SHAREHOLDER'S MONEY

That's it. That's what the form is called. I kid you not. Fucktards.

Welcome to Corporate America.

I hate this place.

17 keep(s) me blogging:

apterix55 said...

You simply need to integrate real-time efficiencies which seemlessly leverage the vertical growth potential of established personnel resources from the existing supply chain market. So, get busy and initialize your plan before YOU are invited to join the existing personnel supply pool.

Niall said...

Kara, we can't have you being like this. Your unresponsive lack of morale will extirpate the general staff blitheness of your workplace thence rendering it inefficacious. It will be catastrophic with consequences stretching far beyond your field's abode. Instead, consider the possibility of making a better name.

Is that seriously what they called it? It's very catchy. I'm not sure what it means. Somewhat unclear. I mean, surely they could spend the shareholders' money more efficiently by coming up with a different and more meaningful name?

AxAtlas said...

um. initech's logo. neat colors.

Macoosh said...

well, it's the truth. lol. maybe they thought they were being ironic and witty.

it failed, but we with the power of wit and irony can acknowledge their attempt.

slaghammer said...

Do they have a “Requisition to Smoke Shareholders Weed” or a “Requisition to Borrow Shareholders Astroglide?” Please get me an ETD on that info? If that is not possible, let me know an I’ll attach and STD to the DIK and run the request though the back door.

Orhan Kahn said...

That is just so fucking stupid.

Laura said...

Wonder if the CEO had to fill one of those out to request additional strippers to man the crew of his ginormous yacht?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Is this an anti-shareholder post? If it is, I don't approve. Gorilla Bananas put his balls on the line in 2003 when other investors were shitting bricks.

The Future said...

This movie rocks. Just throw on your Hawaiian shirt, kick back and take over; no worries!

Kara said...

apterix and niall - i don't even know what you two are saying. really.

ax - those are the colors of integrity dying.

macoosh - these people don't even know the definition of "ironic" and "witty". it's just sad sad sad truthiness([C)stephencolbert].

slag - that was as disgusting as it was hilarious.

orhan - and you thought YOUR job was bad. come on over to my side of the ocean, mate, i'll show you bad.

laura - don't forget, it's an all female crew.

goranas - you rarely approve of me...you square.

future - AFTER i burn down the office.

AxAtlas said...

Colors of integrity dying? Since when did corporations have integrity? I mean they're legally defined as "legal persons" based on the 14th Amendment. Synergistic collaborative metrics model strategic vortals my backend!
(Insert quote from "The Arrival" episode from The Prisoner here)

AxAtlas said...

OH sorry. I forgot. I really meant to answer you. The answer is Chicago. I declined a job offer in Chicago.

Kara said...

ax - ahhh The Prisoner...I am not a number, I am a FREE MAN!

Kevin said...

Initech's logo reminds me of the video game Q-bert.

Kav said...

The worst bit is, it sucks you in, and some day you'll find yourself saying "going forward".

AxAtlas said...

I just noticed that the title of the section that presents your previous postings is "The Brilliance You've Missed". Obviously you don't lack self-esteem. Perhaps you should pursue a new career in motivational speaking...or to be even more daring "motivational typer"...ohhh "motivational blogger". Kara, your motivational blogger!
Your followers can be called the "Kara Kan-Doers".

Jill said...

You have GOT to be freaking kidding me! "Requisition to Spend Shareholders Money"??

Oh, I am so indignant now! I may just have to go destroy some shareholder's office supplies, just to make a show of solidarity. Or maybe I'll steal some shareholder's toilet paper. The possibilities are endless.