Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Why Mr. Rogers is Wrong

I'm sick. So everything I write is being typed with a big ol' frowny pout on my face. Just a warning.

I've always held the belief that it is better not to know your neighbors. Their proximity makes me uncomfortable. Sure you have this superficial friendly attitude with them, but they see you every day...they can see into your back yard, sometimes through your windows...sometimes even hea
r you through a shared wall. They know you're not always that friendly/happy/chatty. They know it's a ruse. So it makes me uncomfortable to talk to my neighbors. They're all up in my business and I don't like it.

People say "But Kara, isn't it nice when you're friends with a neighbor and they pick up your mail for you while you're on vacation?"


No. The mail piles up just fine on it's own. And they steal the paper and the good magazines. Miscreants.


People say, "But Kara...isn't it nice when they see something shady going on at your abode when you're not hom
e and they call the police for you?"

No. If they call at all, chances are it's just me trying to break in because I forgot my key. No one notices the methhead trying to kick down the door.

People say, "But Kara, isn't it nice when they bring you a tray of cookies at Christmas time?"

No. They're always stingy with the rum balls. Always.

My parents' neighbor was arrested on suspicion of murder on Sunday. They were a couple across the street. Wendell and Mary. It was an interracial marriage and they had two adorable children. I put those two facts together as though they're being only white would make them ugly. Well, that could be true. Who's to say. Apparently she was having an affair. He went over to the guys
house and beat him to death. Bad Wendell. My step-dad was one of those "neighbors" being interviewed on the news (except more eloquent than these interviewees usually are) that are like "Well, he seemed like a nice enough guy...".

But that...that is my point. Seemed. Now that he's gone, my parents are finding out all sorts of dirt from the other neighbors. And another set of neighbors lit out of their house as soon as the cops came...causing further suspicion. Funny thing is...this is a nice neighborhood!
Anyway, I stand firm on my belief that getting to know your neighbors is bad. Remember when I was living below the Vampire? Introducing myself could've been the last thing I ever did. You have to keep this shit in mind. It's an urban survival tactic.
Bad Wendell

14 keep(s) me blogging:

Jen said...

Oh Wendell...shoulda just gotten a divorce and went to a strip club. Why do people go that far? So now his kids have no dad, and the poor dead guy has no life. Wendell Wendell Wendell...should introduced you to my neighbor...I don't like her very much.

AxAtlas said...

Looks like they arrested Wendell either before he was going to umpire a baseball game or before he was going to play lazer tag.

Sarah said...

Hey, we all warned you when you moved to NoPo, but nooooo, you wanted to get out of suburbia...safe little suburbia. The most we get out here is a bunch of domestics. Woohoo.

The Future said...

To say this picture isn't flattering is a gross understatement. I just can't imagine what was going through his head after all was said and done. He had to know things couldn't continue on as if nothing happened. As always, it's the kids who will suffer most. And you're right, they are adorable kids.

I have to disagree with you though Sarah. I was held up in my own driveway in Hillsboro when two guys tried to hijack my car. This was a classic lesson on why you need to drive a stick. The wanna be thieves couldn't drive it so it got left behind. Regardless, it scared the puddin' outta me.

I don't think you're "safe" anywhere. You just need to keep your eyes open.

Macoosh said...

when i was in nyc, there was no way in hell i was going to meet some of the whackos in my building. there was the crazy asian woman who kept her door open a crack and when you passed you'd see her eye staring at you...

she was freakin freaky.

kara, you have my full permission never to meet a neighbor again. :)

Kevin said...

I feel exactly the same way as you do about neighbors. My wife knows almost everyone on our street. I don't, and I don't care to. I DO know my next door neighbors, though...because they are friends of friends. But otherwise, I'll live my life, you live yours. Just because we live on the same street doesn't mean we have to be chums.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

If Mr. Rogers hadn't been on telly he'd have surely been arrested in any neighbourhood in the land for his utter creepiness. I can't think of a man I'd be less happy about my kids accepting cookies from. One day we'll find that all of society's darkest problems lead right back to Mr. Rogers and his freaky frickin' neighbourhood.

Sarah said...

Just to be clear, my last post was supposed to be sarcastic.

Jill said...

I don't need to be friends with my neighbors. Oh, I don't mind being on speaking terms. Waving if we pass each other in our cars. Feeling comfortable enough to knock on their door and tell them that there's a geyser shooting out of pipe attached to their water meter. That kind of thing. But I don't need anybody who feels like they can just "pop over" anytime they feel like it, asking to borrow cups of sugar or the hedge trimmer. Don't like that at all. And just to discourage them (along with the kids selling magazines), I rarely answer the door unless I'm expecting someone or I see a car in the driveway. I'm going to be one mean old lady in another 30 years....

Looks like Wendell just came off the set of the latest Star Trek series. That's clearly an alien warship uniform.

Orhan Kahn said...

I've never really given my nieghbours a chance. Generally if I don't know you I usually don't care, unless you need help. I tend not to get to know my nieghbours so that I can avoid having to be nice about telling them to shut the f*ck up! It also makes it alot easier if I start dating one of their come-of-age daughters. Hey, it happens. I'm just convering all bases :|

Emily said...

Okay Kara now I'm scared..... I am friendly with all of my neighbors - they've all been in my house and I've been in theres for dinner groups and everything.... now I must watch my back! Luckily I haven't ventured out to the "old folks" in the neighborhood - they seem to be the worst when it comes to sneaky behavior....

Kara said...

jen - well, you'll look much cuter in that blue vest thing

ax - prison laser tag is a whole new ball game. you know what i'm talking about.

sarah - whatevs...i know you done joined 12th street. word.

future - or you gotta sell your house and move to south east where there's only lollipops and rainbows.

macoosh - thank you! yeah, i'd love to live in NYC...crazies or no.

kevin - but if your wife does, you know them by default. to be truly unneighborly...it has to come from both of you. maybe you can reason with her...by offering her birthday gifts.

sam - no kidding. he had pedo written all over that sweater/sneaker set. and have you been having commenting issues? i will slap blogger for you.

sarah - i feel you...and now swamp mama feels you to.

jill - "speaking terms" is gateway behavior. before you know it, you'll be recieving christmas platters with exactly ONE rum ball. one.

orhan - that comment was wrong on so many different levels. and that's why you're fantastic.

emily - you bet the old folks are the worst. look at The Burbs. dead people in the basement, every time.

froelica said...

Its a good thing that Sarah retracted her "safe little suburbia" comment. I was about to go all "whhhaaaAAAAA?!?!?" on her. Looks like I did it anyway, though. Shucks.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I've been having trouble commenting everywhere. I think it's a problem on my end though. Someone called Wireless Jim (I don't think it's his real name) has set up a wireless network around here that is stronger than mine. Mine keeps cutting out whenever he's online. So we got a stronger wireless signal HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And it's working but now something else has gone wrong and all my settings have gone to buggery. Life would be easier if we just went back to smoke-signals. Or yodelling.