Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Click Your Heels Three Times...

You people are pushy.

So, I'm back, but there's too much to tell, so it's going in list form with very little detail. And pictures:
This is where I was. Sadly, the water in Clearwater doesn't taste good. I have a feeling it goes from this orb on high straight to the faucets with maybe a stopover in an aquatic center.

After spending our first night in our separate rooms (well, Kansas in the living room...sucker), we got to drive two hours across a great deal of nothing to a place just outside of Sedan...where we had Thanksgiving lunch with Kansas' extended crazy country family...some of whom were missing teeth...and wearing full hunting camo.

I ate wild turkey. Couldn't taste a difference.

Friday, we went out with his friends and their family. Thankfully...they drink. A lot. They made me go to sushi despite my protests about eating raw fish in a landlocked state. Good news...I didn't die.

Then we went go-karting at this place below...that has designated smoking hours...and is called The Back Alley. I kid you not.

Then onto a redneck karaoke bar where I tried to ingratiate myself with the locals by singing What Condition My Condition Was In very poorly. Apparently I'm no Kenny Rogers. We closed the bar and wandered out into the hallway. A redneck fight broke out over how someone looked at someone else. There was shirt untucking and fist clenching...but it all came to naught. The hot-headed drunkards got behind their SUV steering wheels and sped away. People seem to have no ethical dilemmas concerning drunk driving in Kansas. Just an FYI.

Below is the empty lot by Kansas' mother's. It had snowed several inches whilst we were in the bar and at the request of his drunken friend...Kansas (who was driving non-inebriated) did a little off-roading. You know, a typical Friday night.

Saturday we went to see the sights. There are about 2,000 people in Clearwater. There are two restaurants (Pizza Hut and a burger joint), one small grocery store, a hardware store, a bar and two car washes. Yep.
Oh, and a museum...because why not.

I'm thinking of getting the angry chief tattooed on my left kidney. Well, the skin above it anyway. I'm fierce...and so is he.
Then a nighttime tour of Wichita. Below is "the keeper of the plains". He's a little ominous. Like...what if that axe falls while you're below it? His arms are going to get tired at some point. Imminent danger. That statue is flipping huge, by the way. And we went to gawk at it...in 20 degree weather. Morons. But here we're trying to appear unmiserable.

That picture is going on the Christmas card, by the way...despite my lack of make-up and Kansas' lack of expression. Lemme know if you want one sent to you.


Heh heh.

So all in all...don't go there. Ever. Not even to see the twine.

I love my boyfriend...so I'm going back.

But next time...I'm packing. (you know what I mean)

17 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

"But next time...I'm packing."

You're taking sandwiches? I wouldn't do that, they might think you don't like their home cooking. It sounds like a great success. You ate their turkey, you ate their sushi, you slept alone (so they think you're a good girl who'll be a perfect addition to the family). And Wichita is a famous place that even people outside the USA have heard of. Are there any witches there? There should be.

Orhan Kahn said...

LOL @ non-smoking times.

Mary Witzl said...

I have horrendous memories of Kansas: our family was packed into a car with poor airconditioning in the middle of summer, and we passed one of those utterly huge stockyards that stretched for miles. The heat made Southern California seem like an oasis of coolness, and the smell from the stockyard took some believing. I'd need a serious incentive to get me to go back there -- good thing you've got one!

Notice how I waited until after you'd gotten back to tell you this story?

Kevin said...

That sounds like the kind of trip I would absolutely LOVE....but only when it was over and only because of the stories I'd be able to tell about the place.

Jill said...

Hey, Clearwater sounds a lot like my home town, only flatter. Do they have a Dairy Queen? Every small town worth its salt has to have a Dairy Queen. I love me some Dilly bars.

Rachel said...

"I love my boyfriend. I'm going back"

The things we do for love...

You're so brave!

theWaif said...

What exactly is that inferno you two are both seemingly oblivious to in the background of your Christmas card photo? My guesses are as follows; a) You lit the World's Biggest Ball of Twine on fire; b) You took a day-trip to Baghdad; c) A low-flying crop duster had just collided with the Keeper of the Plains. So which is it, pray tell? My money's on "a".

Susie Q said...

Waif, the inferno clearly accured during the "non-non smoking hours"

Kara, so glad you made it back in one piece. 'Tis a fine, fine thing you did for the one you love.
Oh and the last pic and your comment made me giggle just a bit, I'm so ashamed...

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Well, now we know What's The Matter With Kansas?>

I really want that barrely thing in the yard/car photo to be a moonshine still. Don't be telling me it's an old wood burner or anything. I'm not having it.

Sarah said...

Man, I would have paid good money to see you "4 byin'" in Kansas.

I know you put up the "wood" windmill for me.

The Future said...

Only you could make Kansas amusing. And obviously your explanations were insufficient to prevent a great deal of supposition here, all the better. Oh, and I finished HP last night and I know for a fact he was never in Kansas although Godrics Hollow may have resembled it slightly.

Kara said...

goranas - yes there are witches. they have accents.

or - yeah, you can imagine how uncomfortable it is to be there at 3:30 PM.

mary - remind me to never ask you your honest opinion on something until it's too late for it to matter. harumph.

kevbo - you wanna go in my place next year???

jill - no dairy queen. i would have KILLED for a dairy queen.

rachel - i am brave, aren't i.

waif - it was the keeper of the plains' heating system

sue - never be ashamed. never.

sam - well, i'd say it was except these people don't drink. so i'm more inclined to say it's for bathing.

sarah - sometimes we don't even need words, you and i.

future - godric's hollow would be WAY cooler. and i bet you can drink there.

Anonymous said...

"...some of whom were missing teeth..." There are several ways to a man's heart. But I don't think they include insulting his family in a publicly viewed blog after enjoying their hospitality. Bravo my dear...bravo.

Kara said...

damnit, kansas! you're gonna git it.

ZenBoomer said...

Wonderful that you got to see the great state of Kansas with a light cover of snow... The alternative would have been to see it, you know, uh, without the snow. You know what I mean??

nic said...

DUDE
There are places like that in Michigan. And there are people who are just as ...hickish here. (sorry, Kansas.) I lived that life for a little while. Now I just stay home.

I was just thinking today of what a change it was to move from Kalamazoo, with a population of 240,000 to the place where I am now (with a very similar name to Clearwater), with a population of 11,000. Welcome to my world.

Jahooni said...

look how adorable you both are! Didn't Dorothy say "there is no place like home... no place like home" about Kansas?