Thursday, November 29, 2007

Why Should I Grow Up?

Did you know that existed? Neither did I. Kansas just sent the pic to me. I told him to buy me a six pack immediately.

Has anyone been to Goodwill lately? Those assholes want $1.00 for each ornament they sell. Ornaments so old and fugly, you couldn't give them away...they want $1.00 for them. And what's worse, they want WAY more for their tacky hand-me-down Christmas decor junkage. Keep in mind...all this shit is donated. They get it for free. If you stumbled upon some of this stuff at a garage sale, you'd maybe pay a nickel for it. Maybe a dime, but it has to really be special.

Anyway, my point is, Goodwill has become a rip off. I don't give a shit about their overhead costs...they make a crapload of money on shit they don't pay for. I bought a pair of pants not too long ago...spent $10 on them...only to get them home and discover they had a huge patch sewn onto the left ass cheek. And you can't return them! Bastards! Do gooding bastards!

I want to know where Mr. Goodwill is and what kind of rock 'n roll lifestyle he's livin' off the proceeds of me buying a pair of dress pants with a big ol' patch on the ass for $10. I bet he's rich and owns more than one car. How can he sleep at night? The evil in this world is too much to bear.

Oh Christmas. How will I inexpensively decorate my home in celebration of you? How can I deck my halls when so many forces in the world are fighting against it? We have an almost naked fake tree (yes, fake. bleh)...and there will be parties and entertaining and it simply will not do. As Kansas' brother stated (when looking at Kansas' fake tree in Christmases past), 'you could throw a bowling ball through those branches.' Blurgh.

On the upside...I'm thinking about trying to make a cocktail dress entirely out of garlands.

It's good to have goals.

22 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Hey, an ass-patch looks cute. It would be difficult for me to resist giving your butt a little pat if I saw you in those jeans.

Sarah said...

I hate goodwill too. The only thing it's good for is dropping off old shit you can't sell. In the middle of the night, no less.

Rachel said...

"hard creamer"?

Sounds like a title to a gay porn.

Kellie said...

It's because of the CEO salaries! From an article in 2005: Michael Miller, president of Goodwill Industries-Columbia Willamette chapter, makes $575,500 for overseeing $70 million in revenue and nearly 2,000 employees. That compares to $339,000 for the president of Goodwill in New York, which has comparable revenue and employees.

The Future said...

Perhaps you could drape your cocktail dress over the tree, without you in it.

ZenBoomer said...

I stopped giving stuff to GoodWill because they kept rejecting my crap.. like my old unused crap was not good enough for them. I had to plead with them to accept some bicycles because there was no air in the tires and they weren't mountain bikes. Like is anybody going to give away a mountain bike to GoodWill?

Now I just put my crap out on the driveway with a sign saying "Free, U-Haul" and within an hour it disappears. Beat that, Goodwill.

Jill said...

You could always opt for the decorating strategy we used in elementary school: string popcorn and make garland strands out of strips of construction paper. If you're feeling really creative, add some glitter. You'll be sweeping up gitter for the next five years.

Oh oh, or have a Christmas party and tell all your friends to bring an ornament for the tree. We did that one year and ended up with all sorts of interesting things, including an unopened condom edged in tinsel. Very festive.

Kevin said...

I'm not a fan of the Goodwill. It's just one big bargain bin of old shit, and there's no organization to any of it. You'll find a Gary Neuman vinyl album right next to a box of Hefty garbage bags which is next to a stained surge protector which is next to a BeDazzler.

Amber said...


where else can you buy lots of stuff for cheap?

you could probably even buy the fabric to make your garland dress.

post pictures (of the dress)

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Why you deck your halls with boughs of holly, naturally. Then, on you next your gay apparel and you're ready to falalalalala with the finest falaers (aka f&$*#ers)

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Don't forgo the glitter though. If the season isn't all about glitter and babies in troughs then i've been getting it wrong all these years.

Cindy said...

The old records at goodwill are like a dollar too if you find a record player :)

Mary Witzl said...

I know it's hokey, but we did a living Christmas tree when I was a kid and we had a blast. You have to collect the berries off trees like mountain ash, etc, and pop up a big bunch of stale popcorn, then you thread it all on a long length of thread (or string! Like that big ball of it!) and wrap it around the tree. The idea is that birds and squirrels come and feast, and you've got a little bit of Walt Disney charm right there to behold. Of course, you do need to have a conifer around somewhere to do this, but it is virtually free. You're only out the labor and the sore fingertips.

Mary Witzl said...

And I'm a very discriminating and picky thrift shop; only really cheap crap is good enough for me. Accept only the VERY cheapest -- and if you have to, barter!

Susie Q said...

Our old dog used to eat the tinsel and shortly after he'd poo tinsel. Every now and then, he'd even have a tinsel hanging out his bum-hole. True story.

Anonymous said...

You seem to be missing the point of Goodwill. If you want cheap, go to a garage sale. Goodwill is trying to raise money to help folks in need, and by paying more you are making a donation to their cause. Don't be so cheap.

froelica said...

Ooooooo! Burn, Kara!

Some crank-poo-pants doesn't understand the point of unsubstantiated rants. It's about how they make you feeeeel. Inside.

Kara said...

goranas - and kansas prolly couldn't resist giving you a sucka punch up the jaw. which would prolly inspire you to maul him...since you are a beast of the jungle. and i wouldn't know what to do with myself so i'd just sit there with my mouth agape.

sarah - illegal dumping! it should be an olympic sport.

rachel - all we can hope is that it actually is.

kellie - that's a shitload of money to be making with absolutely no manufacturing costs.

future - don't rain on my parade.

zenboomer - well that works for getting rid of things...doesn't help me get my christmas decor fix, though.

jill - the cat would destroy that stuff. but we used to do the same when we were chillens. As for the homemade ornament idea...glorious.

kevbo - you can't even imagine how much i would be willing to pay for a BeDazzler.

amber - well that's the thing, chica...some of the stuff they're selling you can get new at places like target or forever 21 for a few dollars more. it didn't used to be like that. therefore, they now suck.

sam - oh there will be glitter...yes indeed.

cindy - THAT is true...and i very much already own a record player. it is well loved.

mary - i'd have to wait around all day for the woodland creatures to gather around my tree. by then it would prolly be night and i'd be cold. oh...and i tried bartering...they wouldn't let me!

sue - i miss martin.

anonymous - actually, no...YOU seem to be missing the point of goodwill...there are lot of low income people in this country that count on places like goodwill to clothe their families and stock their homes...and when the prices are so jacked up that they can't even afford the broken, torn, resewn, etc. JUNK...who is it benefiting? and don't bother posting your uninformed opinions on my blog if you can't summon the gumption to use your name.

fro - i KNOW huh?

Anonymous said...

Goodwill's mission is not to provide a cheap place to shop for needy people. The donations and sales part of their operation raises money for their mission of preparing people for the workplace. You can read about it on their website:

I realize you may think you're poor enough to shop at Goodwill, but please - you are hardly the type of person that needs to benefit from Goodwill industries.

Ride your little yuppie scooter to a garage sale if you want to find stuff on the cheap.


Kara said...

anonymous - uh, actually no...i never stated that their mission was to provide a place for needy people to shop...nor did i ever state that i was poor or relied on it to clothe MY family or fill MY home...but if you've ever BEEN in one, you'd know that there are a lot of people who do. it's bullshit that things are so expensive...not because i'm cheap (which i've been known to be, but i'm sure you'd scoff at paying $8 for a broken christmas angel)...but because all the stuff they sell is DONATED.

and i'll thank you to keep my scooter out of this unless you don't own a car, only use public transportation or utilize biodiesel.


Anonymous said...

Anonymous one and two...

Those of you bashing Goodwill have never had a person from your family WORK for Goodwill and get absolutely shafted. They pay a substandard wage to individuals with disabilities, all the while demeaning them for the people that they are. Regardless of what their website says, they are not the haven of goodness you believe them to be.

As a person working with individuals with disabilities and having individuals with disabilities in their family, I would never again give to or purchase from Goodwill. Sad, but true. I find other charities that work with resale that gain more from my gently used household goods (such as ARC).

Who am I? said...

Sorry that my above post went in as anonymous... signed in with my blogger name but it didn't take.