Friday, January 11, 2008

Skinny Jeans Are Not Even A Privilege

So yes. I own a pair...but in my defense, they didn't start out as skinny jeans. I just got fatter. And now they're tight. Shut up. But my beef is with these women actually buying spandex leggings in the form of denim. This trend has gone on for well over a year now and it just needs to halt. I can't look at it anymore. It offends my very nature. And I'm not that easy to offend (see the post on Crocs...and nau).

There are two things I'd like to comment on today. Both of which just fell in my lap, so to speak:

How to Stop Terrorism? Begin in School
Maryland High School Offers Homeland Security Courses

Sixty-one Joppatowne 10th-graders enrolled this year to spend three years learning about protecting the country against terrorism.

*Bullshit. How about we focus on bringing art back into schools. Can we do that? Please? Oh sorry, does that point of view make me a terrorist? Fuck you!

Unknowing Twins Marry Each Other

LONDON, England (CNN) -- British twins who had been separated at birth learned they were related only after they had become husband and wife, a senior British lawmaker said. The marriage has been annulled.

*Ew. Double ew. That being have to wonder at the couple. What went on there that allowed them to get all the way to marriage...and SEX...before they realized something just wasn't right. Were there obvious signs? Did they finish each other's sentences? Share a secret language? LOOK ALIKE? Maybe it was the sex that was the clue. Maybe they both got grossed out during the actual act and went to seek therapy and the shrink was all "Hmmmmm. Maybe you're related".

The end.

Kansas is currently cheating on me with a video game. It's called something silly like Mass Effect. I'd assume it was about global warming, except I know it's about space. I know this because I happened into the living room just as some weird alien woman with large breasts asks MY boyfriend if he had feelings for her. Well, the goatee'd fighter dude that is being controlled by the thumbs of my boyfriend. After I laughed for, like, minutes about the cheesiness of it all...I started realizing that I should not be amused. I should be indignant. And that I should fight that alien bitch.

But then I reminded myself that it's only a video game and went to eat some pretzels.

All in good fun. Only if you think of video games as "fun". Which I don't. But of course this sparked a convo concerning those sad sad types of folks out there who don't actually know that it's just a video game. You know the ones I'm talking about. You know. I'm thankful I'm not dating one of those. Well, "those" don't date much, do they. Poor "those".

My, this is getting wordy. Next time, I'll talk about the book that I had me laughing so hard on the bus, people thought I was crying. Which I was.

14 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but if brothers and sisters are not raised together they have a major sexual hots for each other when they meet as adults. There's a technical term for it that I forget. Having the same birthday should have made them suspicious, but lust disables the frontal lobes.

I suggest you have a quiet chat with your parents about any unknown brother given up for adoption. Also check whether the alien chick and Kansas might be siblings. But be discreet about it.

C said...

I don't like skinny jeans because they're so tight around the ankles, but since I'm short and the inseams for skinny jeans appear to be particularly long, they're tight around my heels. They're like heel sleeves tucked into my shoes. So they mights as well cut the material away and make them stirrups, you know designers want to. Stirrup pants will be on the runways before you know it and that will cause me traumatic flashbacks to puberty when my booty developed overnight and I didn't realize it until I went to school in stirrup pants. I didn't wear fitted pants again until I was about 19 so you can guess how that day of school was. Now that I've relived the wolf whistling and goosing, I think skinny pants have to go lest they induce more painful memories.

Rachel said...

wow. talk about awkward family reunions.

"oh. um hi sis!" He chuckles and waves nervously.

she darts her eyes at the food and the screaming toddlers running around, avoiding eye contact with her unfortunate ex.

"Yeah, um, hi."

silence reigns.

theWaif said...

Yeah, that is going to make for some awkward family reunions. It's almost too ludicrous as to be unbelievable, like something out of a sci-fi trilogy starring Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher.

Let's hear the bus story. Laughing till you cry is the best. I like to call it "craughing".

Mac said...

I'm with you on the Bring Art Back to School thing.
And Kara, you crack me up.
Keep up the glorious blogs.

Kara said...

goranas - well wouldn't you think it was possible that they didn't know their exact birthdays, being that they came from an orphanage an all. haven't you ever seen Annie? these things happen. And Kansas and i are most certainly not related. We have the least in common of any couple i know. i don't understand it either.

c - i'm sorry the post brought up bad memories for you, my dear. for people of my shape, skinny jeans just make my legs look like sausages. not even yummy ones.

rachel - now that you mention it, i wonder if their parents are like "hmm, i guess that teaches us to only adopt one".

waif - your at fault for my embarrassing bus incident. you'll see.

mac - why thankee sir. i'd like to think that some of my sense of humor was picked up at your and sue's house during some of the kagillion hours i spent there growing up. so, well done.

Orhan Kahn said...

Wtf, twins? That raises so many questions I don't really want to ask or have answered.

As for Mass Effect, although I've never played it I have seen it reviewed on Zero Puncuation. Check this out.

Jahooni said...

i wish i could live in your head for a day.. that would be cool.

twins having sex, that is just a big EWWWWW! i got goose bumps just reading about tit.

thank gawd my husband doesn't play video games... oh wait he sometimes does but it's all about shooting people up. should i be scared? hymn....

skinny jeans: do they make those in a size 10? i doubt tit.

Mac said...

Are you kidding? Your blogs are a mainstay in the Mac household.
Keep 'em comin'.

Mary Witzl said...

I agree with Gorilla Bananas: you have to squabble over bathroom privileges, engage in occasional fisticuffs, and see each other in pajamas a whole lot before you are thoroughly turned off enough to keep from being tempted by lustful thoughts. (That said, this often works for married couples, too...) Those poor twins never had any of those experiences, so this isn't really so awful. Shame about the genetics, though.

Mary Witzl said...

Oh -- and we once visited my in-laws down south and watched in horror as my nephew, whom we hadn't seen for years, took out a video game and proceeded to play with it in front of us for the next few hours. He was, at the time, in his mid twenties. I still can't get over it. We were hicks in my family, but at least we had manners.

The Future said...

Do you remember when you were going through your 2-year "Annie" phase, how upset you were because you weren't an orphan? Then you saw "Cider House Rules" and got over it. Life's full of little disappointments.

Kara said...

or - you know you want to ask them. and you know you want them answered.

jahooni - you don't want this head. first of all, no hats fit...that makes the inside cramped for all the thoughts floating about, and whatnot. ok, i forgot what i was talking about.

mac - shucks.

mary - the fisticuffs tend to keep the spice, methinks. but maybe i'm just a violent person.

future - i'm thankful now that i'm not an orphan. but i do wish i had red curly hair.

Susie Q said...

Skinny pants will always be a bad idea. They look ridiculous on the thin adolescent-looking folks , especially the guys with their straightened hair hanging in their eyes. (You know them by their permanent head jerking to avoid running into stuff) Gawd, I hope THAT look is a thing of the past! And skinny pants look even worse on those of us with curvy shapes, aka chubby.
Don't even get me started on stirrup pants, wore them for YEARS! Good Grief, what was I thinking? (((shudder)))