Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Things I Do For People I Don't Know

This might be the second meme request from Mary in which I'm forced to give details about myself. I'm convinced it's because she wants to gather what info she can and then steal my identity to open a crapload of credit cards and max them out at some place really lame, like JC Penney's. Sneaky.

This time, it's in the form of an award. I don't know how this is an award really, since it comes with conditions. But I'm still at "work" and it's New Years Eve and I've watched ENTIRELY too many Twilight Zone episodes in a 7 hour period, so here we go.

This will be my special Last Day of 2008 version of the meme where I will give you 10 honest little nuggets from this special, special - flew by like it was on speed laced with coke - year. Yes, that was an extra "special". I'm serious about things. Here they are in the order of when I thought of them.

10. I saw Baby Mama. In the theater. And not the cheap, second-run theater. But in my defense, Mum and I took Grandma, and her laughing at it made it worth every second of my life lost. (What's worse is that I thought it was a fairly amusing)

9. Due to happy-relationship weight-gain, I purchased and wore one of those hideous beige spanx-type girdle undergarment things. I felt...confined.

8. I had a sex dream about a faceless hermaphrodite. The actual dream wasn't as perverse as that sentence makes it out to be, but damn, I woke up uncomfortable.

7. I called my sister fat. Several times. Recently. I'll probably do it again tomorrow. And every time I do it, I feel better about myself. I'm not sure why since she's still a smaller size than me at 6 months of pregnasty. Funny, that.

6. I didn't see a dead body that I saw.

5. I found a way to blog from Romania. Awesome. And sad.

4. I went to my 10-year high school reunion. And came back from it.

3. I fell out of love.

2. I became David Cross' best friend. I know it, even if he doesn't.

1. I fell in love.

Now you know it all. Don't ask me for anything ever again.

Merry New Year. Merry merry.

13 keep(s) me blogging:

Rachel said...

The Face looks like a rapscallion hell-hound in that picture. His poor mother.

Stop encouraging him.

and number 1 made my heart go *twang*.

Woozie said...

Romania, spandex, and death.

This post has it all!

Mandy's Kidding said...

Whenever I slip on a foundation undergarment I think of Steel Magnolias (which is not a frequent occurence) in which one of the characters comments that any woman who was "raised right" would do so.

Orhan Kahn said...

All of this and still no specific mention of ME! You should be ashamed.

Happy new year, Kara :)

It has been an interesting 12 months with you. Thats for sure.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Don't worry about the hermaphrodite dream, your subconscious was just trying to have the best of both world (tits and dick), and no face is better than someone you know. Falling in love with the house boy is worrying, though, these mistress-servant things rarely work out.

Mary Witzl said...

Boy, you did this proud, Kara -- I knew I wouldn't be disappointed!

I've never had a hermaphrodite dream, but I have had several in which I had a full beard and was very, very proud of it. And because I'm not on my own blog, I can tell you that I have owned a girdle. God knows why; the stuff a girdle is supposed to redistribute just finds another place to spill over. Guys who design and market lingerie make a killing off of us gullible sorts.

Off to open an account at J C Penny's -- you got that right too! I don't patronize them, but if I had the money, believe me, they'd be my first stop.

Sarah said...

I had a dream last night where Josh was trying to fit into my hot pink "Frankie Says Relax" t-shirt.

Jill said...

Oh my gawd! I bought one of those spandex things too! I haven't actually had the courage to try it on yet though. Maybe in 2009.

The Future said...

From the sublime to the ridiculous to the saddest ever to the happily ever after. What more can you ask for? But can you blog from Cancun?

Wow, that was awkward said...

Geez, no link to the only really interesting one (#8). Ok, they are all somewhat interesting, but #8 rocks. Blog it.

EmmaK said...

ha ha...I was going to buy one of those spanx-type girdle thingies but I get the feeling that when you sit down you feel like you are being constricted by an anaconda...do you?

Robert the Skeptic said...

If I were to wrap up 2008 with notable events, there would have been a lot of visits to the doctor and.. ummmm, I am sure I did something else interesting. Oh yes... I released our documentary. Then I went to the doctor again, I think.

Kara said...

rachel - please teach me 'twang' in sign language. i must know it.

woozie - i live my life fully, young sir.

mandy - i've never seen it. but i know who dies!

or - what? are you COMPLAINING? who neglected to name yours truly as someone who's changed his life this year for the better, eh? you know what you did.

goranas - awwww. he'll win your blessing yet.

mary - it's a good idea, they should have some fantastic sales at this time of year.

sarah - don't you ever let him...that's YOUR t-shirt. your dream josh has got some nerve.

jill - oh how you've been missed.

mum - alas, i cannot. miss me!!!

wow - it happened to recently. i hadn't blogged about it yet.

emma - yes, but it's kind of like pressing on a bruise. painful but in a thrillingly good way.

dad - that office should know your by your first name, i'm thinking.