Monday, July 09, 2007

We've Finally Found Him

I just got this text message, well...it was actually two text messages because it was too long for one, but still...I just got this:

From: Kansas (971-xxx-xxxx)
I hate to say it honey, but this bedroom is a nightmare straight from hell.
I was digging around and found not only long lost clothing but also a skeleton that I am convinced is Jimmy Hoffa. We must tag-team it some day. The room, that is.
July 9, 11:32am

You see, of course, why I love him.


So I'm not a neat-nick...who cares! None of the great ones ever are! Cleanliness asphyxiates creativity! It cuts it off, right at the vocal cords. That's a lot of pain. Clean, boring, mundane stick-people drawing pain. If I have to get busy cleaning...I'll run out of time for the really important things, like writing in my blog and drinking! Drinking! You can't drink and clean! What if you get confused due to lightheadedness from the chemicals and you take a swig from the bleach instead of the beer? There's very little difference between and glass and a plastic bottle, people! Very little!

I'm not dirty, though. I'm messy. What he's referring to in that text message are mountains of CLEAN laundry that I can't be bothered putting away because I might want to wear it at ANY MINUTE and piles and piles of papers and whatnot. I cannot seem to keep the paper that infiltrates my life in any sort of organized containment unit. I used to use a filing thingy on my dresser but it started overflowing, so I put some of it in a drawer. But now the drawer is full and I'm relatively sure there's a bill somewhere in there that I haven't paid and now I can't find it for all the envelopes screaming at me every time I try to open the drawer. So now I use the floor. It has mingled well with the clothing and has somehow avoided be thrown up on by the cat (this is her latest thing...I think she WANTS me to kill her). So it was all settled.

Or, at least it was 'til I got this text. Bless his little heart.

10 keep(s) me blogging:

AxAtlas said...

I use the ole' "I have a system" too. Screw "rank and file". It's more like "rank and pile"...whoa! I really gots to stop daydreaming about Matlock shows and bingo nights...um...go Oden! (i'm a buckeye fan).
Yeah. i'm all over the place. I know this.

nic said...

Here's to scattered randomness that only makes sense to the scattered randomness maker. ...does that make sense?

I have a milk crate half full of things that need to be gone through. My philosophy seems to have become "put it in the pile and if it's really important, then it'll get taken care of. The rest eventually gets to be outdated and therefore garbage. Wait till it's garbage and throw it all in the recycle bin."

Because I'm an environmentally friendly procrastinating scattered randomness maker.

I don't think that makes any sense, either. Anyway, I think the point is that I get you point. Get it? :)

Macoosh said...

i am a crazy clean person with organization systems and all that. if i have muss and fuss going on, i can't focus. so, i cant really understand your glorified piling system, but i do wish i did because then maybe i wouldn't be so damned uptight. and, i'd get to find jimmy hoffa. that's always a good time.

Orhan Kahn said...

We must tag-team it some day. The room, that is.

I'm still laughing.

Kara said...

ax - i'll leave the blazer fanness to transplants like you

nic - i've always wanted to steal a milk crate from, like, the back of a restaurant or something. i never have. i'm sure that the second i finally decide to do it...i'll get caught and chased down the street by a guy named Manuel brandishing a cheese slicer. no thanks.

macoosh - Jimmy Hoffa can only be found once. more than that is just morbid.

or - i know...you want to date him too, don't you.

Old Knudsen said...

To answer yer question as you don't have an e-mail addy listed. Yer one is a different one.

The Future said...

Maybe I'm reading his message wrong, Kara, but I think what I'm reading is, "this is your first warning, I can't live like this anymore". Not the first time you've heard something like this from those who have lived with you over the years. I think that means it's gone from cute to not so. If I were you, I'd opt for cleaning it up one night soon without the beer. Boring but it keeps the peace.

Kara said...

future - you're TOTALLY reading it wrong because half the shit on the floor is HIS! And so...you can only imagine what kind of additional piling this does to the piles. so basically...IT'S STILL CUTE!

Gorilla Bananas said...

You could be right, but a shrewd girlfriend would take care of his stuff just to be on the safe side.

Sarah said...

THANK YOU!!