Sunday, July 15, 2007

Crock Pots Are A Crock

Is no one else alarmed by the idea that something can take a full 8 hours to cook? Doesn't that seem like an exorbitant amount of time? For anything. And who figured this out before the whole invention of the crock pot? Who sat over a pot and stirred chicken on a low flame for 8 hours? Is that seriously what women did before earning the right to vote? Fuck. No wonder they were willing to march in corsets.

It was really quite stupid to try to cook in a crock pot on a Sunday in the heat of the summer. It's up there with baking cookies. Mmmm, cookies. What was I talking about? Oh...meat. freaks my shit out that these ingredients sit and stew in their own botchulistic juices. Of course that's a word. And then we eat them and don't die. Fascinating.

So I took the job. I'm moving into Account Management in a week. I'm officially a whore for money. All principles thrown out the window at the prospect of being able to afford a home of my own someday. What's happened to me? What happened to the girl who could pack up two suitcases and move across the country or throw on a backpack and hit Europe like she owned it? Well...I'll tell you one thing...the exchange rate happened. This war has been a bitch for tourism. Could that have sounded any more callous and selfish? Probably not.

What can I say, you know? I have needs. Footwear needs. Student Loan Repayment needs. Laptop needs. Paid PTO needs. I've sold out and become a fucking adult. Please don't read that as a verb. This promotion has been the hardest decision I've had to make in a long time. I've been with my company for almost 4 years and I hate who they are, what they do and what they stand for (which is not fucking much other than lining their own poorly dresses pockets). But I left teaching preschool because I couldn't make a living wage. And now I make a living wage and I can't seem to be satisfied with that. I want it to go up and up. I want to keep up with the Jones'...and I secretly despise myself for it. And yet, here I am. I bought $20 shampoo yesterday. Like my toddler hair is worth it.

Sorry for the mood. I've been listening to a lot of Jeff Buckley lately and Kansas has had to be away a lot for work. The two are a lethal combination for even the most high-spirited. I need a good long night out of dancing. Release some endorphins or some junk. It might feel good to get out and judge some people. It's always uplifting to point out those who are "not up to code". You know?

16 keep(s) me blogging:

Sarah said...

Can you send me your address? Pretty please?

Gorilla Bananas said...

I don't see what's wrong with managing accounts - their purpose is to stop fraud, so you are a kind of policewoman, like Angie Dickinson. Is Jeff Buckly a relative of William F?

AxAtlas said...

Welcome to the account side. I bet you're going to be the next Bill Brasky (looked that up if you don't know the reference).
Jeff Buckley rawks! He started to rawk even more after his death. He's a good example of the trend where after a musician dies he releases more albums and becomes even more popular than while alive. Similiar to 2Pac, E. Smith, Nick Drake, Elvis, Notorious B.I.G...when your talented friend dies, capitalize! Here's a link to a good mock of this trend...seriously, i'm not bitter or anything.

Macoosh said...

i so understand what you're going through. it's hard not to be a whore of the moneyworld when the world revolves around it. we're all just a bunch of skanky whores.

and crock pots freak me out too. i just don't see them being safe to leave cooking while i go out and spend my whoring money.

Jill said...

I totally understand your predicament. I hate what large corporations are doing to our world, but I suckle at the teat of one of the largest every day. Welcome to Chez Hypocrisy. I'm your hostess. May I take your coat and get you a drink?

Kara said...

sarah - done and done.

goranas - i do nothing so interesting. my job is to make sure they continue suckling at the email marketing teat.

ax - thank goodness...i was in a totally different phase when he cam out in the nineties.

macoosh - well shoot...i didn't think i had crossed the line into skanky...but i guess you're right. i guess i'll just go stick my head in the ol' crock pot and turn it on.

jill - yes tonic with a splash of lime. i'll wait for it here.

Susie Q said...

Mmmmm, I likka me some crocked roast. Yeah baby.

Oh and sorry about the whoring job. ((Good grief, that sounds nasty!))

nic said...

Sounds like you and I should trade places... kind of. (read my blog to find out why) All you have to do is pretend you're me, come to michigan and teach in a cute small town kindergarten class. I'll do your job. I'll even swap you paychecks. I'll send you what I earn in your place and you vice versa. You can pretend Kansas is the short and he can go back to first grade. It can't fail!!

And houses here are supercheap- 130 for an old two story farmhouse from ..I'd guess turn of the century, absolutely beautiful.

Crockpotting in summertime is ...well, I haven't done it. But I have made a blueberry buckle and 2 dozen banana muffins in about 4 days. I have a very old oven that heats my entire house, much like my fridge does.

Blah. I'm sorry for the crap you're going through.

And I love Jeff.. I like "Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk." Such a creative title for an album.

Hang in. :)

Kara said...

sue - it IS nasty! and my new cube is yellow! YELLOW! mustard, no less! how am i to function? i ask you!

nic - such kind words you say. sometimes kansas acts like he's the short's age. it's good birth control. i can't believe how cheap houses are in michigan. do you live in a forest? and what is berry buckle? food or an accessory? i have so many questions.

AxAtlas said...

Hello. My name is Ax...are you ever going to do another CondiCast episode?

Orhan Kahn said...

A good piece of steak can take up to six ours to be cooked to perfection in some resturants over here. Suffice to say a booking in advance helps.

nic said...

I live in a small town of about 11 thousand people. There are trees, but not enough trees to constitute a forest. Not a whole lot going on here other than a small town being cute.

Blueberry Buckle is heaven's answer to what you do with too many blueberries. This is the recipe I used.


nic said...

That url won't work...

here's this one-- it'll take you to the same place.

NOW enjoy!

Kara said...

ax - i don't know that anyone wants to hear another CondiCast episode. they were pretty rank.

or - um...i think maybe your country might just suck, dear boy.

nic - i haven't experienced the whole "small town being cute" phenomenon...usually i just see the "small town being racist and close-minded with nowhere to shop" bit. but maybe michigan is different.

and i will be checking out this blueberry buckle business.

Sarah said...

I'm checking out the blueberry buckle business too, as I'm going blueberry picking this very afternoon! I plan to GORGE myself on the little morsels.

Sarah said...

I'm checking out the blueberry buckle business too, as I'm going blueberry picking this very afternoon! I plan to GORGE myself on the little morsels.