Friday, October 26, 2007

Friday Night Tomfoolery

Life lessons learned in a corn maze.
(Please note that all pics were taken in total darkness. Hence the dazed looks)


1. After dark, the corn maze is no longer a "family environment". If you don't want your children to hear the word "fuck"...then you need to keep banker's hours.


2. Flasks have more than one use. But one is all you'll ever need.


3. Tearing baby corn off the stalk and throwing it at people cannot be considered as "liberating it".


4. Trying to get out of a corn maze is the surest way to end up deeper inside it.


5. Teenagers do not deem it necessary to designate sacred areas for relieving themselves or making out. Avoid those locations at all costs.


6. Corn duels never end happily.


7. Giving up is the only way to find out that what you're looking for is sitting at the exit.


I think all of these translate into every day life. Go forth with the knowledge I have given you and conquer the world. Or at least attempt to live peaceably amongst the riffraff.


14 keep(s) me blogging:

thethinker said...

Okay, so help me understand.

You were in a corn maze at night because...?

Susie Q said...

Who, pray tell, is the chick in the blue hair?

Sarah said...

I like that someone, presumably Amy G, was liberating baby corn.

froelica said...

Baby corns need freedom too. This is supposed to be the land of equal opportunity.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Man, that had everything: blue hair, red hat, big ass... The American cornfield is a deeply spiritual place.

Kara said...

thinker - what? i need a reason? fine, ok. in the dark, a maze is more interesting in the dark, alcohol can be concealed in the dark...I can't go on...there are just too many reasons.

sue - she's a chick i work with. and boy is SHE a hoot. it was cold, so she wore the wig for warmth.

sarah - oh yes. "liberating" it and then beating me with it screeching like a banshee. why do we like her?

fro - there's no equality in the corn maze. it's every man for himself?

goranas - HEY! you're not allowed to call our asses big. only we are.

Macoosh said...

i love cornmazes! i went to a haunted one once and got hit in the leg by a chainsaw being weilded by michael meyers. never been so scared in my life. i LOOOVED it. :)

Jahooni said...

Only one flask? Shameful.
So now you can offically be called "children of the corn"?

Kara said...

macoosh - i don't do haunted things. i have this kicking reflex when i get startled. i'm afraid i'll get sued.

jahooni - no, silly...several flasks with only ONE pertinent use.

Che said...

Is Dookie Corn traded fairly? If not I want no part of it. Vive La Bebe Maize!!!

Mary Witzl said...

My daughter would be so envious of that hair. She was aiming for that color; sadly, she now looks as though she has a blue rinse.

Mary Witzl said...

And by the way: WHAT big ass? I couldn't see one there at all.

Orhan Kahn said...

Blue hair wig? There is always one in the crowd.

Jackie said...

i don't need a corn maze to be haunted, they scare me on their own. all those kernels... shudder.