Advice As Only Condi Can Give It

And how is that, you ask? Well that's easy! With as little pertinent information as she can! Yay!

Ok, so this week's (only) question was submitted by Orhan Kahn. Orhan, who I will most likely forget to link here, lives in my sidebar to your left. And also Australia. Where everything is backwards and upside down. Like in horror movies.

So here's Orhan's question:
Why am I so much more awesomer than you?

Ten words or less. Actually, make that a hundred words or less.

Ahhh, kids. Aren't they cute? Now let me advise you on a few things here, little Orhan. After all...this is an advice column of sorts, is it not? First - you should never use Times New Roman for an email. It's unprofessional and has about it an essence of spam. Second - there is a saying that goes 'there are no stupid questions'. The unfortunate thing about such sayings is that they're untrue. There are stupid questions, and the one above...well, you get the idea.

Let me elaborate on why it falls into that category. First - there's no way to answer this honestly without severely wounding your preciously constructed ego. I'll have to bandy about words like 'delusions' and 'of grandeur' and it just makes everything go all awkward. I know you don't want that. Second - you try to limit my response to a number of words. This request...if I'm not mistaken...is not in the form of a question and must therefore be ignored. Rules are rules, my friend.

So...in summary...you want to know why you are so much awsomer than me. The answer, my dear young man, is that you're not. But I heart your little soul tres beacoup. And I thank you for playing. Hopefully I've helped you on your path to greater knowledge. Well, I know I have. That's why I have an advice column.


Well, friends. That's it for this week's smattering of extraordinarily useful advice. Don't forget to keep those questions rolling in. The address is "jivecooky at yahoo.com". Until next time...I'm going to go shop for shoes online.

Word.