Monday, October 01, 2007

Advice As Only Condi Can Give It

And how is that, you ask? Well that's easy! With as little pertinent information as she can! Yay!

Ok, so this week's (only) question was submitted by Orhan Kahn. Orhan, who I will most likely forget to link here, lives in my sidebar to your left. And also Australia. Where everything is backwards and upside down. Like in horror movies.

So here's Orhan's question:
Why am I so much more awesomer than you?
Ten words or less. Actually, make that a hundred words or less.

Ahhh, kids. Aren't they cute? Now let me advise you on a few things here, little Orhan. After all...this is an advice column of sorts, is it not? First - you should never use Times New Roman for an email. It's unprofessional and has about it an essence of spam. Second - there is a saying that goes 'there are no stupid questions'. The unfortunate thing about such sayings is that they're untrue. There are stupid questions, and the one above...well, you get the idea.

Let me elaborate on why it falls into that category. First - there's no way to answer this honestly without severely wounding your preciously constructed ego. I'll have to bandy about words like 'delusions' and 'of grandeur' and it just makes everything go all awkward. I know you don't want that. Second - you try to limit my response to a number of words. This request...if I'm not not in the form of a question and must therefore be ignored. Rules are rules, my friend. want to know why you are so much awsomer than me. The answer, my dear young man, is that you're not. But I heart your little soul tres beacoup. And I thank you for playing. Hopefully I've helped you on your path to greater knowledge. Well, I know I have. That's why I have an advice column.

Well, friends. That's it for this week's smattering of extraordinarily useful advice. Don't forget to keep those questions rolling in. The address is "jivecooky at". Until next time...I'm going to go shop for shoes online.


18 keep(s) me blogging:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I see I'm going to have to send you a few annoying questions.

Macoosh said...

um i have to agree with you. in that i believe no one is awesomer than you.

silly australian.

i am so going to have to meditate and be lead to the best question i can ask... ohmmmmmmm ohmmmm.....

Kara said...

goranas - you don't have to. but, you're gonna need advice from me at some point. we both know it.

macoosh - meditation is nerdy. how about you ponder over a box of wine. franzia anyone?

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Condaleeza Rice is a klingon! Look at her forehead! She's not even raising her eyebrows. How does she do that?

Kara is more awesome than Orhan in the same way that I am related to my father's sister's daughter: just cuz.

Laura said...

Orhan schmoron. Answer MY question. Now, dammit!

(No offense, Orhan.)

Orhan Kahn said...

No offense taken.

Thank you muchly, Kara. That brightened my terrible fevourish morning and made me laugh when my body was telling me not to. You know I'd have some kind of whimsikle response (or the ability to spell) but my brain and body are on fragile terms at the moment, due to illness.

You're a champion. Still, sometimes it sucks to be more awesomer than you simply because I was expecting ten words or more. You gave me paragraphs and italics. WTF is that shit.

Peace oot.

Sarah said...

I like this. I mean I like your other posts too, but this could get goooood.
PS I just ate 3 cookies. I'm going in for a 4th.

Rachel said...


I love seeing arrogant upstarts get put in their place. VERY good, Mistress of All that is Bloggy.

I'll try to come up with a question for you. I might have to make something up, cuz I'm so smart, and I know everything. ;)

Kara said...

sam - worst joke ever, but the point is a valid one. and i'm fairly convinced the forehead stays in place by the power of botox.

laura - you're question is horrible and i'm only doing one a week.

or - hey, don't start getting nitpicky. i'll throw your feverish ass OUT. i mean, if you were here.

sarah - but what KIND of cookies?

rachel - even if you know everything, sometimes, i can advise you on how that's not what matters. see how good i am?

Susie Q said...

Condi Rice scares me. I believe she only eats through the space in her teeth and this is bothersome.

Sarah said...

Trader Joes Joe Joes, vanilla cream.

froelica said...

I want Sarah's cookies.

Sue- you are correct. Its through a straw.

Jahooni said...

Hop over to my blog... the post I did yesterday was for you!

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

"worst joke ever"

Thanks. It was nothing. One day I'll show you my best worst joke work.

Kara said...

sue - yes, yes that's exactly how she eats. even corn on the cob. she is, in all things, unnatural.

sarah - ooooh, i don't know them, but i want to.

fro - i want the cookies you just took from sarah.

jahooni - awwww shucks!

sam - i will consider myself unfulfilled until then.

C said...

The rest of the post was brilliance, but the part that really struck me was the part about SHOPPING ONLINE FOR SHOES. You make me feel so good about my vices and you didn't even give me any advice. You have the gift woman.

Rachel said...

I have question! I am drunk!
I wonder,,,I am easy drunk, but I never get hungover...(See my new blog post for details) much booze should a Rachel drink before she shouldnt drink no more?

The Future said...

And the pic of Condi is included why? Because you idolize her, because you love her clothes, her hair, her shoes, her fingernail polish, why?