Why?
Because I have an early ass meeting in the morning.
Whenever I have to get up earlier than I normally do, I can't sleep the night before. This has always been the case for me. As a kid, the night before the first day of school was torture. Crack of dawn appointments have me staring at the mean red digital numbers at least once an hour. And when it comes to a good night's sleep...an early AM flight is the kiss of death. Does this happen to anyone else? Even if it does, I don't see how it would help me get to sleep. You should realize that. Selfish.
I need a bedtime story. Feel free to take it upon yourselves, dear readers, and send me one. A good one. No fairytales. Those just set unrealistic expectations.
Ugh. Don't mind me. I'm just grumpy. I'm sleepy and bored and uninspired. A trifecta of dissatisfaction. And I've already seen this Family Guy episode.
21 keep(s) me blogging:
What you need is a boring lecture. There's a noble institution called The Open University that makes TV lectures for its students. I'm sure you could buy their introductory physics course on DVD. You'll either fall asleep or learn a lot of physics. It a win/win scenario.
I can't top Gorana's suggestion. That's one intelligent banana-eater. I confess a certian suspicion regarding said ape, but I'll keep that to myself.
I was all set to launch into a comforting bedtime story (the mother in me just couldn't resist this challenge), when I read GB's comment, and damned if he hasn't come up with a far better idea, once again.
Let me just say that you are not alone. I am a life-long insomniac, and if I have to get up early in the morning, I have exactly the same problem you have, I CANNOT sleep. My husband has never had trouble sleeping in his life. I've watched him drop off in the midst of crises, when suffering from an excruciating toothache -- even when our eldest had thrown up over 13 times and had a fever of 104. He can even sleep standing up, and yes, I've really witnessed this.
He loves studying math and physics and computer stuff and I love the illusion of being able to understand these, so once in a while I get him to try and explain something a little abstruse. And I give you my honest assurances that NOTHING I've found has come close to beating the hexidecimal representation of color. That has sent me off in less time than any pill. Seriously: get someone to record this for you and give it a go. If it has worked for me, it ought to work for anyone.
My grandma used to tell me to just stay in bed. "Resting is better than nothing". She was right. If you just stay in bed and don't try to fall asleep, you will.
Another thing that keeps me up is the stuff that's so obviously unimportant during waking hours, but will give me an anxiety attack in the middle of the night. Such as, "did I start the dishwasher" or "I need to get gas in the morning" or "I need to remember to paint my toenails". Anyway, write it down on a pad next to your bed. I've heard this one a million times and laughed it off, until I started doing it. It really does work though.
And if all else fails, just drink an insane amount of vodka with a tylenol chaser and you'll pass out and wake up with a dulled hangover.
PS. Thought you'd appreciate that Sesame Street has a bunch of grouch muppets singing "Spamalot", only it's "Scramalot". They just said, "shrubbery".
I'm the same way on so many points! Not even funny, actually it's kindda scary! Hopefully sleep did come and you're not too grumpy...
The Future said...
Well, considering our history together, I'd have to say listen to "Chicken Soup With Rice" on tape, over and over, as recorded by say, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt or maybe even your very own Kansas. The trick would be to tune out whose voice it is so you can focus on the lilting, rhythmic pattern of the story instead of any other lascivious thoughts creeping in and making it even harder to nod off.
Then, once it works for you, maybe you can market it, become fabulously wealthy and keep your closest relatives in mind as you're rolling in the lap of luxury.
1970s microwave instruction booklets.
Or
Embark on a midnight quest to learn the basics of C++ before the morning.
Or
Some sort of dull object brought quickly upside the head. Repeat until asleep.
Well, Goodnight Moon always worked for us around the Mac House. It's a good start anyway.
your invitation was the first sent out.
I can't imagine what happened to it.
awh, how sweet is this. We can read bed time stories to kara. Gosh, that is exactly what i want to do while i am lying there not be able to sleep as well...
they say a couple shots in warm tea helps! ;-)
Change the channel. Stop watching Family Guy and start watching PBS. That'll put you to sleep.
Lack of sleep totally blows. I was right there with ya last night. Supposed to have my annual review at work today, but the principal never showed. So I wasted a night fretting and freaking for nothin'! Gggrrr...
And you are right, cable sucks. I am by lonesome tonight and looking for some digital company and all that was offered was terrible re-runs and Music and Lyrics on HBO. You can see why I chose Guitar Hero and checkin' out blogs instead!
Kudos to Gorilla Bananas for the great idea! Flippin' sweet!
First off, TV has been ruined by advertisers. They are going to screw up the Internet before long also, so you can write that off. Convert to Basic Cable.
I know that feeling of the night before the first day of the new school year. I used to sit in the bath tub and grieve about that one. Then it eventually became the night before the first day back at work after vacation.
The consolation is that it does eventually come to an end; where every night is Saturday and every next day is a Sunday when you can sleep in late. Of course, the "cost" of that privilege is that you are old by the time you earn it. If you are lucky, you don't end up being TOO old.
As far as the dreaded meeting; The beauty of it will be, by the next afternoon, that meeting you dreaded will be history.
And the insomnia... well, wear your dark glasses to that meeting and sit in the back. Just hope you don't snore!
Watch Golf...wish I could do that right now but I'm still at work.
i posted these comments yesterday, but they didn't take:
goranas - the idea is to lull me to sleep, not kill me with boredom. for shame.
rachel - i wanna know! i wanna know!
mary - it's usually only a problem when i know i have to wake up early. i play mind games with myself apparently.
sarah - interesting advice. i'll take it. oh...and i'm loving these daily tidbits. they really do make my day.
mum - i had to repost your comment for you. naughty usage of given names. i blame your left hand.
stinky - i ended up with about 5 hours of sleep, which isn't too bad. but there was some snappage. poor workmates.
sam - lovely options. you and goranas think alike.
mac - except i don't actually own it. alas alack.
amber - um hmmm. sure.
jahooni - that'll just make me have to pee.
thinker - see...i've gotten to an age where i get sucked into shit on PBS. i know, i should just end it all now, right?
bananatoo - what's with that stupid ass movie being on hbo all the time?!! that is NOT what we're paying the ridiculously high monthly fee for. i hate hugh grant and his stupid face.
zenboomer - yes yes. you're retired and you just got back from mexico. don't rub it in.
ax - good call 'cept they don't play it at night.
I followed the link from GB- I have some boring ass stories on my blog.
I suffer from lack of sleep as well but it is due to chronic pain. I once was according to my wife;" A Cute" pain now after all these years just a " Chronic Pain."
Hope your weekend is better.
Whenever I have to get up earlier than I normally do, I can't sleep the night before.
That makes two of us.
I suffer the same infuriating condition. And yet when I can sleep in til noon I pass ass-out on the couch like I just ran a marathon. Go fig.
Side note- Figs are kinda icky.
Post a Comment