Friday, November 10, 2006

Other People's Dumbass Bike Stories (w/update)

First...read this post from Jen. You'll pee your pants. In a good way.

And now...these tickled me all sorts of pink (yes, I know I already said so), so I'm posting them here in an attempt to amuse on this rainy, windy, all around CRAPPY Friday.


We'll see if I feel like posting again later, but you know, I think I'd rather drink.


And here they are, fresh from the comments...other people's dumbass bike stories:

eccentric recluse said...
my first bike was equipped with what I refered to as inertial braking, one stopped pedalling and applied reverse pressure. I always felt that it worked better than the disc style brakes on my later velocipedes, better control and less liklihood of going over the handlebars.

d said...
i remember an accident i had with a bike. (yes, a story about me... haven't we been through this? it's not always about you). anyway, i was on my brother's old beater of a bike... it had the banana seat and the high handle bars. (it too, i believe, was from the 60's). anyway, i was going pretty fast down a steep hill and saw a big rock ahead of me. so i turned the handle bars to the right and nothing happened. i end up hitting the rock and go flying head-first over the handle bars and land on my head. after that, people started calling me "special". i like that. and i like candy. oooooh! look! a bird...


Jillybean said...
OK Kara, I have a bike related story for you.....when I was about 10 years old, my family stopped at a Garage Sale near our home where we purchased a beautiful Schwinn bicycle. Somebody had to ride it home, so I volunteered, I was so excited for this 'new' bike. I was especially excited to watch the pedals go round and round. I was watching the pedals go round and round,(and not watching the road)going full speed rammed my brand 'new' bike in to the back side of a parked bus. As I flew over the handlebars and hit the ground, I realized a passing car witnessed the entire fiasco. They stopped the car and ran to my rescue. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, these nice people helped my get the rest of the way home,(the bike no longer worked). Does this make you feel any better?? Your former babysitter...Jill


Mycaelus said...
I want to tell a story now.

Once upon a time, I had a bike. It was bike-shaped and had two wheels. I rode it around sometimes. But eventually I stopped. The bike stayed in my basement, feeling lonely. Then I gave it away to a poor kid who wanted a bike. The end.

It's a very exciting and humorous story, I know. It's almost as exciting as my story about the mailbox on my corner.

Word.


And More!

Devon said...
I've got that shit beat.

So Karl and I were riding around Rock creek area. We stopped by at Mike Lain's and all decided since it was a nice day, to go for a little ride.

We came across a sort of half assed construction site next to a church and what looked like the perfect bicycle jump (a pile of firmly packed dirt about 5 feet high, smooth ramp, clear landing area.) So Karl goes and get's a head start to jump it but chickens out at the last minute.

I, being the supreme genius that I am, took this as a challenge. I went 3 blocks up the street and peddled like crazy to get enough speed to jump it. I passed a car going my way and i must've been going about 20-22mph when i hit the dirt mound.

I hit the jump and went flying into the air. My feet weren't attached to my peddles in any way so they immediately flew off and i ended up in the "supperman" position when i hit the ground.

Like I said, this was all right next to a church parking lot that was full of people who ALL saw it.

sarah said...
My bike story sounds very much like Mycaelus only I didn't GIVE my bike to a poor kid. He stole it from my garage, along with a steamcleaner.

Niall said...
When I was about 8 I went cycling around the place, and on my way back the chain came off, so I stopped to put it on. In the darkness behind me an Irish wolfhound sneaks up behind me, and barked its mellow growl. I freaked out cause this dog was about four times as tall as me, so I got on my bike and tried to cycle away, but the dog catches up to me and knocks me off the bike and tries to bite my head off (lick my face), so I kick and scream and the dog calls for his backup crew and another dog comes over and as far as I can tell it tried to sit on me. Anyways, eventually they decided I could use a few more years growing before I get eaten and they left me go home, but they didn't let me take my bike and when I got back someone had taken the handle bar, seat and tyres.

apterix55 said...
I saw Jesus riding a bicycle once.. but that's another story entirely.

The Future said...
You know, bike accidents wouldn't be so funny if they didn't happen at a very unfortunate time. Mine was on a bike trail in Sunriver when all of a sudden my bike went off the trail (it definitely had a mind of its own)and I ended up off it and under it. Of course, I couldn't get up and back on it fast enough to prevent the hundreds of bikers behind me and those coming from the other direction from seeing it all (you included).

slaghammer said...
My bike crashes were all run-of-the-mill knee knockers and elbow scrapers. It was the bikes themselves that were the story. They were mismatched amalgamations of old junkyard castaways with rusted out bearings, bent pedals and cobbled together chains. The craziest one I ever put together was a road bike with a tiger stripped banana seat, race bike handlebars, a tiny front wheel, and an embarrassingly oversized rear wheel. It took a while to find two pedals that fit so I made due for a while with just one. I eventually found some brake cable and some old pads but not before I plowed headlong into a few stationary objects including a large prickly pear cactus.

Thanks for sharing in the wackiness, oh my wonderful commentors!

(if anyone feels left out of the dumbass loop...they can still comment with their stories and I'll update the post)


9 keep(s) me blogging:

Anonymous said...

I've got that shit beat.

So Karl and I were riding around Rock creek area. We stopped by at Mike Lain's and all decided since it was a nice day, to go for a little ride.

We came across a sort of half assed construction site next to a church and what looked like the perfect bicycle jump (a pile of firmly packed dirt about 5 feet high, smooth ramp, clear landing area.) So Karl goes and get's a head start to jump it but chickens out at the last minute.

I, being the supreme genius that I am, took this as a challenge. I went 3 blocks up the street and peddled like crazy to get enough speed to jump it. I passed a car going my way and i must've been going about 20-22mph when i hit the dirt mound.

I hit the jump and went flying into the air. My feet weren't attached to my peddles in any way so they immediately flew off and i ended up in the "supperman" position when i hit the ground.

Like I said, this was all right next to a church parking lot that was full of people who ALL saw it.

I ended up spraining my elbow and wrist really badly and had to wear a brace for the next 6 weeks, which wouldn't have been so bad but i worked in a place that required me to wear latex gloves during work. the gloves didn't fit over the brace very well so i hade to just make a fist and put the gloves on with the fingers dangling about unfilled. Needless to say, it was a fairly light dating season that summer.

sarah said...

Oh my, I like this post much better than yesterday's.

I have been laughing since I opened the page to your blog. Jen's blog is hilarious. Then your blog is hilarious. Then devon's comment made me spit though my nose. Yeah, that hurt.

My bike story sounds very much like Mycaelus only I didn't GIVE my bike to a poor kid. He stole it from my garage, along with a steamcleaner.

Mycaelus said...

You're welcome. :)

Niall said...

I thought I told ye my bike incident, but I didn't.

When I was about 8 I went cycling around the place, and on my way back the chain came off, so I stopped to put it on. In the darkness behind me an Irish wolfhound sneaks up behind me, and barked its mellow growl. I freaked out cause this dog was about four times as tall as me, so I got on my bike and tried to cycle away, but the dog catches up to me and knocks me off the bike and tries to bite my head off (lick my face), so I kick and scream and the dog calls for his backup crew and another dog comes over and as far as I can tell it tried to sit on me. Anyways, eventually they decided I could use a few more years growing before I get eaten and they left me go home, but they didn't let me take my bike and when I got back someone had taken the handle bar, seat and tyres.

apterix55 said...

I saw Jesus riding a bicycle once.. but that's another story entirely.

The Future said...

You know, bike accidents wouldn't be so funny if they didn't happen at a very unfortunate time. Mine was on a bike trail in Sunriver when all of a sudden my bike went off the trail (it definitely had a mind of its own)and I ended up off it and under it. Of course, I couldn't get up and back on it fast enough to prevent the hundreds of bikers behind me and those coming from the other direction from seeing it all (you included).

NWO said...

LOL, it's like watching slapstick!

slaghammer said...

My bike crashes were all run-of-the-mill knee knockers and elbow scrapers. It was the bikes themselves that were the story. They were mismatched amalgamations of old junkyard castaways with rusted out bearings, bent pedals and cobbled together chains. The craziest one I ever put together was a road bike with a tiger stripped banana seat, race bike handlebars, a tiny front wheel, and an embarrassingly oversized rear wheel. It took a while to find two pedals that fit so I made due for a while with just one. I eventually found some brake cable and some old pads but not before I plowed headlong into a few stationary objects including a large prickly pear cactus.

Orhan Kahn said...

I hate watching bike accidents. I recall walking through the city with a friend once and seeing a biker go flying over the hood of a tax which had suddenly turned in its path. He was fine, but seriously, it looked painful. Didn't stop my friend from laughing her arse off. Apprently it was right out of a movie, or something.