Monday, November 13, 2006

I'm All Grows Up

I have good news friends...I've finally taken that flying leap into the wonderful world of adultdome. I know some of you might say that I've taken it already with my grown up job and my grown up high heels and my grown up propensity to drink heavily on any given occasion; or maybe I took it upon entry of my first Spartacus-esque establishment. Or my first presidential vote. Or the first time I paid taxes. But you'd all be wrong. The truth is, friends...I've FINALLY begun to floss. Daily, as a matter of fact...not just the hour before I have to visit the dentist. That being said, I haven't visited the dentist in several years...which is what makes the flossing DAILY even MORE awe-inspiring. I'll give you all a moment to be deeply and profoundly impressed.

In other news...there are creatures crawling under my floor. Yep. The night I carved my idiotic looking pumpkin I could hear something creeping beneath me. Scared the SHIOT out of me, cause I was of a Halloween mind then. I got off the floor and put my feet up on the couch, you know, to protect them from the Tremors, just in case they broke through. It's happened a couple times since. They could be cats...they could be possums...they could be The Vampire's minions. I really don't know. Well, I do know, mostly they're cats. Two of them had a fight under there on Saturday. I met my neighbor outside (not the Vampire, the one who smokes a pipe but looks way too young to be smoking a pipe, but that's ok because it smells good so I don't mock him until he's out of earshot). And we're like "woah, did you hear that?", only neither of us actually talk like Bill and Ted. It's a funny mental image, though...Bill or Ted smoking a pipe.

Boy do I know how to get off topic. What was my point? Oh yes...flossing kind of hurts. But that's what being an adult is all about, right? Withstanding horrible physical pain on a regular basis.

I guess one may infer that not a lot went down this weekend. So maybe you're right. Oh no wait! I had my first slice of pumpkin pie for the season. And then a second one a day later. The third probably won't be til Thanksgiving, but you know, I can wait, or whatever.

I know you all wish you had my life. But really, it's not as glamorous as it appears. I mean, I have problems too. Like, I lost my hat on Friday, and I was really sad because it was an impulse buy from London that I'm extraordinarily happy with and I thought it was lost forever...but I had just left it at the office. So maybe I don't have problems. But it felt like one for a while. I'm okay now, though. Disaster averted.

This post sucks rope.

18 keep(s) me blogging:

Jen said...

I don't think sad quit covers how you were feeling about the loss of your beloved cap; hysterical may be a better descriptor. I am so glad you found your hat. I didn't want to have to have some sort of ceremony marking its demise. Oh and the flossing? It gets less painful over time. I too recently grew up, according to the floss gospel. I brush, floss AND use mouth wash. I should be knighted. Perhaps even canonized. Saint Jennie From the Block? No, wouldn't work, nobody is allowed to call me Jennie. Ever.

Mycaelus said...

Bill and Ted are excellent.

Also, this post does not suck rope. It sucks.. something that tastes slightly better. Elastics, perhaps?

Anonymous said...

trust me... you have problems.

That said, i can sympathize (or is in empathize) with your whole dentist/flossing thing. I went to the dentist for the first time in like 6 or 7 years a few weeks ago and had to have a root canal last saturday. They of course got on my case for not flossing regularly so I've been trying to, sort of.

The best part is, they fucked up the first root canal and I get to go back this saturday and get it fixed. luckily they wont be charging me for their fuck up but it's another uncomfortable hour that i will never get back. That's an hour I could have spent torturing cats or making babies cry... oh well.

Mycaelus said...

By the way, I love the dentist. Just so you know.

froelica said...

The loss of a cap can be truly devastating. I know I still haven't recovered from losing my green beanie.

INAMINI said...

Just remember that when you finally make it to the dentist, INSIST that you need nitrous oxide. Might as well have an hour of having your feet tingle.

Orhan Kahn said...

Two things. (1) I hate flossing, so much so that I honestly can't recall the last time I did it, or visted a dentist. Thankfully my teeth are fine for now. (2) You could go the Homer Simpson approach to ridding your underfloors of vermin by randomly unloading a shotgun into the ground.

apterix55 said...

A wise man said that both love and flossing should never hurt when practiced regularly.

sarah said...

That entire post sounded like what goes on in my head all day, only slightly more coherent.
I commend you for flossing. I still haven't convinced myself that fillings are all that bad.
Oh, and the word verification on this post is "oytac".

Anonymous said...

Flossing does automaticly turn us into adults. Welcome to the next stage of life wee one.

AxAtlas said...

I can’t floss my teeth, man. I can’t get into the flossing thing. People who smoke say, “Man, you don’t know how hard it is to stop smoking.” Yes, I do—it’s as hard as it is to start flossing… “You seem jittery.” “Yeah, I’m about to floss!”

-M. Hedberg

Congrats K.

Kara said...

jen - i was NOT hysterical

devon - sorry to hear about the canal...hopefully you won't have to get anything pulled.

mycaelus - you are off your nut, my friend

froelica - my sympathies to you, dear girl...if you want to stage a Viking burial, you let me know.

inamini - my dear lady, i have NO such plans of visiting the dentist. the very idea makes me want to hiss.

orhan - 1. well jesus, feel a bit strongly about it, don't you? 2. sweet!

apterix - i'm gonna give one eventually

sarah - i like the mercury fillings for the halluncinations

anonymous - stop hiding behind that facade, amy g.!

ax - word

froelica said...

Do they have alcohol at these Viking funerals? If so, I'm in. There's nothing worse than a sober Viking.

Anonymous said...

you ARE an adult; flossing is totally the gateway. i have not crossed it yet; i can't deal w/ the annoying pain. apparently i have sensitive gums b/c i'm on birth control...weird...the dentist says it's normal. i think it's odd.

also, elastics soooo don't taste better than rope. rope over elastic any day!!!

Jill said...

As a former non-flosser who now flosses daily, I can say regular flossing greatly reduces time and discomfort of a professional teeth cleaning. Of course, if you never go to the dentist, that's not a consideration.

Something funny that I noticed. When I never flossed, the dentist would always ask me if I flossed, and I would always lie and say yes. Then he'd be like, "Well, you should try to do it a little more often." Now that I do floss every day, nobody asks. I wanted to be able to say yes without it being a lie.

The Future said...

I'm thinking a well-positioned shotgun blast into the floor of your place as a "parting shot" would be giving your landlord loser his just desserts, if only it wouldn't cost you way too much.

Kara said...

froelica - a viking burial would involve putting the dead thing on a boat, setting it on fire...and pushing it out to sea. and THEN drinking

macoosh - that is fucking odd. I went off the BC...that shit made me crazy. And now I'm perfectly normal except for the one time of the month I become crazy religious and I pray and pray that I'm not knocked up.

jill - that sounds like Catholic guilt to me. the kind of permeating guilt that even extends to oral hygiene.

future - what does THAT have to do with my post? you're on crack, lady.

The Future said...

It doesn't, it has to do with a prior comment suggestion. Sorry, I guess those are off limits.