Monday, November 06, 2006

Brakes Don't Work in the Rain and Other Stories


So Ms. Inamini posted a post (that's fun to say out loud) about the stupid things she's done. I commented with the stupid thing I'd done THAT DAY, which was WAY worse than any of her stupid things. I'm including the story below:

Kara said...

Today I was riding my bike. The light changed and I tried to brake to a stop. It was pouring rain. My original 1960s English Raleigh's brake pads don't work in the rain so I had to use my feet as I slid into the intersection. My shoes slipped and my nether regions came crashing down on the bar. 4 different lines of traffic were watching. I am now on a couch with an ice pack on my bleeding, swollen lady bits with the Ex Sys. Admin changing my brake pads. Why am I telling you this??? Well, I refused to replace the brake pads earlier because they said "Made in England" and I thought that was cool. You're a brain surgeon compared to me.

It occurs to me now (since the pain has lessened a bit...though just a bit) that the story is a tad humorous. I mean, how stupid is it that bike brakes don't work in the rain? How'd people stop in the 60s? I wonder if that's why platform shoes were invented. You know, to allow for all the wear on the soles of your shoes that stopping with your feet results in. Too bad no one from the 60s is still alive to answer these important anthropological questions. If only there was a way to get through to one of them...you know, like a seance of something. Anyway...it's my generation's loss. My bike is getting a modernizing overhaul.

2 weeks til I move. I sent the letter to my landlord stating that I was gonna leave his crap heap because he never responded to ANY of my repair requests (which were ALWAYS very polite in nature) and because now my front door doesn't even fucking close. If you know what Portland's been like lately (pouring rain all day every day) you'll sympathize with a girl who can't fully close her front door. And if you can't...you're a heartless bastard and I'm going to call
PETA and tell them that you torture kittens.

Besides, I have to move because a month ago my Dad and Step-mom came to visit and I had my windows open and my upstairs neighbor was coming down the stairs and my Dad was like "Hey, is that The Vampire?" REALLY not-quietly. Let me repeat...my windows were open. The Vampire didn't ACT like he'd heard...but I'm fairly certain that when this rain lets up, I'm first in line for a draining.

Anyway, I'm gonna have a roommate again. I hope he doesn't hate my
cat. Lots of people hate my cat. She's needy. But I think she's nice, so they can all go to hell. Jebus, and so can this post.

(PS: The picture above isn't actually my bike but it's pretty damn close. My bike is better, though cause I've bling'd it up with some streamers and sparkly handles. Word.)

10 keep(s) me blogging:

Anonymous said...

Old stuff sucks... and and the UK do just about as well on teeth as they do on bikes. There is a reason that old stuff is no longer used. "Better living through modern technology" is what i always say... I'm sure you've heard me say it before.

THIS is the bike you need. It even has the right name.

eccentric recluse said...

my first bike was equipped with what I refered to as inertial braking, one stopped pedalling and applied reverse pressure. I always felt that it worked better than the disc style brakes on my later velocipedes, better control and less liklihood of going over the handlebars.

Anyhow, I hope that you get to feeling a bit better in time to move all your stuff.

I too, hope your new roomie likes the cat. If not, et rid of him, (the roomie, not the cat...).

The Future said...

What do you mean too bad there's no one left from the '60's, what am I, chopped liver? Not that I would or could give you any advice, not that I would ever suggest you do something about your bike and its inability to stop or riding in the rain at night or anything silly like that. So good luck with this. Perhaps body armor would be in order?

d said...

i remember an accident i had with a bike. (yes, a story about me... haven't we been through this? it's not always about you). anyway, i was on my brother's old beater of a bike... it had the banana seat and the high handle bars. (it too, i believe, was from the 60's). anyway, i was going pretty fast down a steep hill and saw a big rock ahead of me. so i turned the handle bars to the right and nothing happened. i end up hitting the rock and go flying head-first over the handle bars and land on my head. after that, people started calling me "special". i like that. and i like candy. oooooh! look! a bird...

Jillybean said...

OK Kara, I have a bike related story for you.....when I was about 10 years old, my family stopped at a Garage Sale near our home where we purchased a beautiful Schwinn bicycle. Somebody had to ride it home, so I volunteered, I was so excited for this 'new' bike. I was especially excited to watch the pedals go round and round. I was watching the pedals go round and round,(and not watching the road)going full speed rammed my brand 'new' bike in to the back side of a parked bus. As I flew over the handlebars and hit the ground, I realized a passing car witnessed the entire fiasco. They stopped the car and ran to my rescue. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, these nice people helped my get the rest of the way home,(the bike was no longer worked). Does this make you feel any better?? Your former babysitter...Jill

Jillybean said...

PS - I was born in the 60's and I'm still alive, so the next time you have a 60's related question, give me a call.

Kara said...

devon - i have NOT heard you say that before, but I DO know you have a deeply embedded hatred of all things european

recluse - noted and noted

future & jillybean - you're both gooses cause i was being sarcastic! of course i know there are people from the 60s still alive. but i'm very good at pretend.

d - your mission...find yourself a bird made of candy...take a picture of it...post it on your blog...and then eat it

everyone else - ok, these stories are tickling me all sorts of pink. I want more of them...and then i shall devote a post to all of your stupid bike moments!

Mycaelus said...

I want to tell a story now.

Once upon a time, I had a bike. It was bike-shaped and had two wheels. I rode it around sometimes. But eventually I stopped. The bike stayed in my basement, feeling lonely. Then I gave it away to a poor kid who wanted a bike. The end.

It's a very exciting and humorous story, I know. It's almost as exciting as my story about the mailbox on my corner.

Word.

apterix55 said...

I inquired about "The Vampire" in a NORMAL voice.. you didn't have any glass in your window. What kind of apartment doesn't have any glass in the windows? Anyway, If I had spoken in a NORMAL voice (and you had NORMAL windows) "The Vampire" wouldn't have heard a bloody thing. But, just to be on the safe side, I'll send you a steak; Do you need to borrow my mallet or do you already have one? - (Sorry) Dad

INAMINI said...

Thanks for generating all the bike tales. Almost as fun as your blog! After learning about your English bike, I am now yearning to rehab my Dutch bike that is at my mother's house. I'll do something stupid and write about it, just for you!