Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Tricksie Little Bloggerses

Blogger tricked me and now I'm in the new Beta one. I feel used. Cheated. And a little dirty, though that may be unrelated.

Yesterday it snowed for about a minute. And what a glorious minute it was. Now it's back to grey. Grey grey grey. I haven't taken any pictures of the city lately so I tried to find one online to show you all the grey. Apparently, people only take pictures of Portland when it's su
nny. So for 10 days a year...everyone breaks out the camera. Anyway, this was the best I could come up with. You can see the cloudy blehness. I work next to that tall tall rectangular building. You know, FYI.

I just went out to get a sandwich and buy some tights. While waiting for my turkey on wheat to go, I
looked around the room at the patrons of the Bagel Bistro. Most of them were heavy. Strange. No real point to that observation, but still. There was this rather large and homely woman reading a bodice-ripper over a mound of food leavings. This struck me as sad. You know the books I'm talking about...there's an example here on the right. A funny funny example.

Anyway, those novels make me irate. Have you ever read one? No? I'll tell you why, then. First of all, they're female porn. Yes they are. The lack of pictures doesn't make it any less pornographic, especially since women are cerebral and men are visual. AND they use words like "manroot" and "member". Which is just wrong. Any woman that scoffs at men for liking porn and then runs off to read such drivel is a hypocrite. Yes they are.


Anyway, my point was this: seeing large, homely women reading novels about being captured by shirtless buccaneers and whisked away to Barbados to be de-virginized (don't worry, she loves it) among the slaves who are too scared of the master and his dark, brooding-yet-hot temper to save the damsel but that's ok 'cause she fell in love with him when he called her a "tawdry wench who thickens his lust" - probab
ly sets an unrealistic expectation of romantic love. Don't you think?

Anyway, I pilfered the book covers from this site, if you haven't already, go to it. I know it's old news for some, but the two below had me practically peeing my pants. You know, in a good way.

14 keep(s) me blogging:

Kieran said...

Brilliant brilliant brilliant recommendation.

Everything is news to me.

Kieran said...

...and they all seem to be Scottish for no particular reason. Great.

Devon said...

LIES

...and you call yourself a scientist.

THIS
and
THIS
are some graphs of sunshine and rain averages over a year for Portland. The data CLEARLY shows, ladies and gentelmen of the jury, that there are in deed, more than 10 days of sunshine per year in the fair city of Portland, Or and THEREFORE Kara is mearly exagerating the claim that the weather is the cause of her sour dispossition.

I propose the REAL cause to be her perpetual proverty/ carless-ness or possibly her current boyfriendless-ness.

I rest my case.

...yes, this is how bored I am, that I am doing this. So what.

Kara said...

kieran - gee, thanks. glad i could amuse. oh...and yes...there's something distinctly inviting about a long haired scot with manboobs in a kilt

devina - when have i ever called myself a scientist? tard. and my poverty/carless-ness/boyfriendless-ness and sour disposition are some of my best selling points. so shut it

everyone - i looked at the pic wrong, i don't work near that building...my building isn't pictured.

AxAtlas said...

Gimme a bottle of anything...and a glazed turkey on wheat...TO GO! sorry. i had to.

apterix55 said...

Oregon and large people. Check out this fact for yourself: The next time you are in a airport making your connecting flight back to Portland (PDX), see if you can identify your gate by looking at the passengers. Stroll down the concourse until you find the gate with all the LARGE people in Goretex and Birkenstocks... you've just found your gate to the "Twinkie Zone".

Jill said...

A couple of friends and I used to read those girly porn books when we were in high school. My Mom probably thought we had ourselves a couple of Harlequin romance novels. If she had opened one of them, she would probably have fainted.

I still remember me and my friends reading one particular section out loud to each other, where the antagonist's penis was described as a "rotten stump." It cracked us up. Some things just always stay with you....

INAMINI said...

Is the grey getting to you? We've had snow and 28-degree weather here, which is actually hollydayish. This is the great Northwest!
Those novels disgust me. Give me "Postcards From The Brain Museum" anyday!

CamoBunny said...

blue rubber bulb.

sarah said...

I seem to remember reading those with you in high school... "throbbing gristle". Yeah baby. Ok, we were giggling and 15.

Kara said...

ax - glazed? i didn't get glazed. cheated again!!

apterix - i tried to argue that with Law Student...ages ago...and he says according to "the numbers he saw" oregonians aren't as fat as they used to be. i'd say he was right if it weren't for that burger with two onion rings on it that i ate last night.

jill - "rotten stump" is the girlie porn word for "syphilis"

inamini - what's getting to me is the rain when everywhere else is getting snow. it makes me want to stamp my foot and yell "not fair!!"

camobunny - see, you could totally write one of those

sarah - not only were we giggling...we were getting an education!

slaghammer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
slaghammer said...

I just inherited a two boxes of those from my grandmother, rest her soul. I'm going to scan to disk the covers of all of them, for reasons that I don't yet understand.

The Future said...

Are you sure those aren't murder mysteries or doctor's humor? They don't sound very romantic to me?