Thursday, December 21, 2006

I Love Being A Girl

Peggy Lee said it, and I'm fairly certain she meant it...but then, she probably never had to get vaccinated against HPV.

I've never been scared of needles. I went through a strange period in my teens when cysts kept bursting on my ovaries and I'd have to be rushed to the hospital because the symptoms are identical to an appendicitis and they'd poke me will all sorts of needles, so I got fairly used to them.

Funny thing about that...no one ever actually found my appendix...you know, in ultrasounds or whatever...it's quite possible that I am a Darwinistic miracle.


Anyway, that's off the point. The point is that yesterday I was injected with the first of my three syringes full of Gardasil - the vaccine that is supposed to protect women from contracting the 4 main strains of HPV that are the leading cause of cervical cancer. I'm sure you've heard about this vaccine. There are masses of conservative fuckwits who are fighting against this vaccine, mainly because it can be given to girls as young as 9, and they think that once it is...said 9 year old girls will think they've been given a green light to run out into the world and have sex all OVER the place.

And to those who are concerned that this will be the result...well, how can I say this delicately...YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING MORONS. Apparently it's more acceptable for women to continue dying of cervical cancer than it is to protect them from it before they even start having sex. While we're at it, let's just bring back Polio. I mean, it wouldn't exist if it hadn't been deigned by God to exist, right? Besides, wheelchairs are fun. Especially the Rascal. Women who have sex out of wedlock DESERVE to get this virus, because, you know, they're sluts. Well here's the thing, my friendly Fuckwits...good, Christian people can get HPV TOO! There are a million different circumstances where HPV can be passed and the no one shows any symptoms. I've heard statistics that say up to 70% of all sexually active people have or have had HPV. Men may get genital warts, but that's about it for them. No death. No cancer. Pair that with not having to have periods, go through childbirth, or menopause...and, well, I pretty much think that they shouldn't even be allowed to HAVE an opinion on the existence of this vaccine. Oooh, my radical feminism is rearing it's ugly head.


So back to my point (yes, we took the long way), which is twofold:


1. The argument against the vaccine is irrelevant. I remember being around 9 and getting several vaccinations. I could not tell you what they were for if you paid me. Measles maybe, perhaps a tetanus...who knows. No one needs to inform the 9 year old as they're getting the shot that this means they're free to re-start the '69 summer of love.

2. The shot didn't hurt that badly but my left arm is all tingly like I'm gonna have a heart attack. I know I'm not gonna have a heart attack, but the tingliness is wacky and it's making me want chocolate. Or maybe I want chocolate because I like chocolate. Don't ask me to analyze these things.

Oh, and I forgot to add that the cut off age is 26. Yep, barely made it. I guess once you hit 27 you're too much of a whore to save. That should be an interesting birthday. I'll look forward to it.


Merry Christmas from me and my tingly left arm.

16 keep(s) me blogging:

Jennifer said...

K,my favorite parts of this rant are:
a)I am a Darwinistic miracle,
b)friendly Fuckwits; and
c)they're free to re-start the '69 summer of love.

Oh and the wheelchair part, they really are fun. As long as you can get out of them and walk away. When you can't it's kind of crappy.

Jennifer said...

Oh and this:

d)I guess once you hit 27 you're too much of a whore to save.

I am almost 10 years into my whoredom. I thought I'd get a gold watch by now, but apparently not.

At said...

jen - instead of a gold watch you get a golden artistic representation of what cervical cancer looks like under a microscope

Kevin said...

Ha! You said "69."

::immature snicker::

Devon said...

1967 was the summer of love sucka.

And I've never totally gotten this whole "don't be givig the HPV vaccination to young girls and saving their lives possibly" thing. Why again must religious crack pots fight against this? I mean, it's not nearly as hedonistic as, say, the morning after pill or even birth control. Why must every sexual encounter have terrible, or at least life ling consequences? I know there are some religious folks in crowd... please to explain.

oh, and I take your wishing me a "merry christmas" as a direct assault. You're obviously declaring a WAR ON HANUKKAH! You commie bastard!!!

Laura said...

I'll bet this blog entry will make Dad faint, what with him being trypanophobic and all (look it up).

And count me in the "too much of a whore to save" category. I want a golden artistic representation of what cervical cancer looks like under a microscope too! Do I have to send away for it?

Kara said...

jen again - i have no idea why i came out as "At". strangeness

kevin - how old ARE you?!?!

devon - that's right, i forgot you were there.

laura - they're backordered til after christmas

Anonymous said...

So, this must mean you are getting two more lovely shots in the next two months prior to that monumental 27th birthday. Hopefully your arm stops tingling by then. You need to know that I'm going to sign this Anon again because I can't get this stupid new Blogger to accept anything I put in (it used to know me as soon as I signed into your blog). Stinking new blogger...

The Future

apterix55 said...

What, me trypanophobic? (I did look it up, BTW). No, it's the DENTIST that strikes mortal terror within me. Don't ever Netflix "Marathon Man".

Here's the secret to getting shots.. get them in the butt! Nurses tell me that most people don't want to drop their pants so the nurses don't bother to even ask; they just shoot 'em in the arm. But the Butt has that critical mass of meat, [Intelligently] designed to absorb all those caustic pharmaceuticals. Unlike the arm, you don't need your butt to hail a cab or lift heavy objects. So stand up with pride and demand your doctor to give it to you in the Butt!

Jill said...

Hmmm, guess I'm WAY too big of a whore to save.

In all seriousness, I've had several friends end up with cancerous/precancerous cervical cells appearing in their pap smear results due to HPV. Get a pap smear every year, even if you're young enough to get the vaccine. If you catch the abnormalities quick, they're easy to treat.

apterix55, I've heard that the size of the average American ass has increased enough in the last few years that they're using longer needles for butt shots, in order to get to the muscle through all the fat. Scarey.

NWO said...

Good points, and well made. My rule of thumb: Anytime someone wants the government to tell anyone what they can or can't do with their bodies, it's time to push back.

A chuisle said...

great post...looks like i'll have to jump onto an insurance plan asap once done w/ college to make sure to get the vaccine before i turn the whorey 27.

slaghammer said...

Apparently, God wants you to get married to a jerk, have children that hate your guts, and then waste away and die before you test his capacity for hearing whiny prayers about bed sores and pneumonia. It’s in Deuteronomy dammit, deal with it.

Kara said...

future - i don't respond to anonymous comments...but since you gave me the most beautiful Nano in the world for Christmas...I'll make an exception

apterix - that is a mental picture I really really really don't need.

jill - catching them soon is the key, however, and for those of us who have little or no health insurance, it's hard to come up with the money to get checked. which is why i need to move to canada. and wear fur.

nwo - you're new to the blog, I'm thinking, but i LOVE your name...both for what it means and what it implies. comment ANYTIME!

macoosh - this is why i'm here...to educate the young'uns. tis me duty.

slag - i can't get any stupid jerks to marry me. stupid jerks.

AxAtlas said...

i love being a boy...i mean a man...did i just type in the word love???

INAMINI said...

Luckily, I'm too old and too much of a whore, and I had my appendix removed on Christmas Day. I'm gonna die.