Monday, August 21, 2006

Forget Condi's...

I know there are important things going on in the world (such as Israel agreeing to a cease-fire and then killing people anyway...bullies), and I know that I just got all holier-than-thou on AOL chattering on about Paris Hilton's new album instead of the bedlam that IS Iraq. But this is serious. I'm going crazy. It's about my hair. I can't stand it anymore. I could really benefit from a wig, I'm telling you. Every day is a bad hair day with me. Why you ask? I have toddler hair. Always have. My hair just never matured past the age of 4. Is that the right word for hair? "Mature"? Probably not but I double dare anyone to show me up with a better one. Don't you dare.

Anyway, back to my hair. It's fine and strange shades of blond and doesn't have enough decency to be stick straight...it's stick straight with weird directional issues at the ends. Some of it turns under, some of it turns out...some of it goes both ways at once...it's like black magic. And then there was the whole falling down stairs at age two and breaking my head open, causing a funky shaped scar on the top of the head creating this cowlick incident. So flat pony tails are impossible. I've had to just bide my time til messy hair is "in". Thank yahweh that time seems to be now.


When I was in college I was too poor/cheap to get it cut and it ended up down to my waist. I'm not sure how I managed that without shivving myself but it was up all the time. Then I graduated, got a job, and chopped that shit OFF. It was glorious, but high-maintenance. Yes, to me having to own a hairdryer is high-maintenance. I don't want to take one to Morocco so I've been growing it back out this year and it's in that AWFUL purgatory where it just brushes the shoulders in sometimes goes IN the collar, and sometimes sticks "OUT" of it. ARGH!

Maybe I should just pull a Natalie Portman and be done with it. But then everyone would see the scar. Jesus, it's a quagmire. I need a doughnut.

11 keep(s) me blogging:

Nial said...

You found the solution in the picture - wigs. They are the way of the future, low maintenance, high return, not like that real stuff that people are mad about.

INAMINI said...

I'm thinking wigs also. My hair is just as immature as yours!

Mycaelus said...

I have a hair problem as well! My hair is unruly no matter what I do. Perhaps if all of us with hair problems started wearing wigs, it would become the new fashion! We could be the start of a revolution! Or perhaps I should go the easier route and just cut my hair?

A chuisle said...

i say go with a wig. plus wigs are more fun...they involve regular change. you can be a brunette one day and the next a blonde w/ blue highlights! the possibilities are endless!

Kara said...

So you all pick a wig over a shaved head? Wow..don't those things itch? Well, I suppose a shaved head does too.

AxAtlas said...

You should bring a Princess Vespa hairdryer to Morocco.

Sad Niall said...

Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I was being slightly sarcastic.

My site's getting spammed :( I'm going to put image verification for non-members :( I'm going to hate myself because of it :( Sad Niall

Kevin said...

My vote is for a cut. Not a Natalie Portman buzz, but something short.

sad Niall said...

I got my hair cut yesterday, now that I think of it.

AxAtlas said...

I don't think you should get a wig or shave it. I think you should get a puppet. A puppet that you can carry around with you that sports the type of hair that ya dig. This puppet will distract people from noticing and examining your hair...plus, you can make more money on the side as a street entertainer...presenting a puppet show is what I mean. People will throw money at ya for interacting with your puppet.

Laura said...

I'll take your hair and you can have mine. Oh wait, that won't work, we have the same hair type. Damn our parents' lousy hair!!!