Friday, August 25, 2006

It can only be attributable to human error.

So for a while we had the option of getting a temp dangling before us...before it was snatched out of reach yesterday. That's ok...who really needs a social life, right? Anyway, no one could find the job description to post on craigslist so I offered to write one. Sadly, it didn't make it past HR. Laura thinks it's funny so I'm including it below:

Position Title: Copy editor/QA for email marketing firm

We are looking for someone who can dress well and knows when “enough is enough” with the wearing of the perfumes.

Job Description:
a. copy edits and functionally tests email crap spam
b. is a slave to all who are higher on the corporate food chain

c. babysits account executives because they were never quite weened from the teet
d. is bitter, sarcastic, and condescending to anyone making requests of the department
e. has no outside life...because why bother

Qualifications:
- must have working knowledge of what is popular on HSN at all times
- must know how to spell “cowlick”
- must be able to convincingly warn us that there are “motherfuckin’ snakes on the motherfuckin plane”
- must have a college degree with enough student loan debt to pay back that they’ll not take sick days
- must enjoy hitting buttons

If you do not fit the above description, don’t bother applying. We mean it. Piss off.



Short and sweet. Yes...sweet.

I think I missed my calling...don't you?

18 keep(s) me blogging:

Mycaelus said...

"has no outside life...because why bother"

That's so totally me!

I may have a problem with that "must have a college degree..." part, though.

Laura said...

MOTHERFUCKIN'. SNAKES. ON. A. MOTHERFUCKIN'. PLANE!

I really have nothing else to add.

Carry on.

Ryan Loghry said...

You definitely missed your calling. You need your own morning show. And by morning, I mean taped at 2 p.m., when you stagger in to the studio, wearing dark glasses and a kerchiff. "Awright...let's roll tape."

sarah said...

Where do I send my resume? Do you have good dental?

AxAtlas said...

One qualification that needs to be added: must know the lyrics of Daisy Bell.

INAMINI said...

I'm there. Kara, I really love your blog. I check it several times a day to see if you've posted anything.
Keep making me laugh!

niall the spam free said...

Wow, Laura, I'm feeling a connection between us (sorry, Kara). I mean, that's exactly what I was going to say! '“motherfuckin’ snakes on the motherfuckin plane”' and whatnot. I saw it last night. Best show ever :)

On the happy side, I think I've made a way to get rid of 90% of my spam. Which leads to a happy Niall.

Should I send that spam towards your site, Kara? I mean, they may be interested in your job!

d said...

it's perfect. reminds me of the monster.com ad for ad agency jobs...

"when i grow up, i want to work in advertising. be forced to work 10 hours a day. 12 hours a day. 14 hours a day. i wanna work like a dog and bust my ass for a $1,500 raise..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaoIsPZAgck

Kara said...

mycaelus - yes, it's ridiculous that they require us to have a degree...a ten year old could do this job. but don't tell management...or we'll have a sweatshop here in no time

laura - motherfuckin' right!

ryan - you'll be my first guest...when you're a famous artist, that is. i only have NAMES on my show!

sarah - dental? ha! I haven't been to a dentist in 3 years

ax - it won't be a stylish marriage...I can't afford a carriage...

inamini - and you keep "motoring"...cause that makes me laugh!

niall - i'll never be spam free...it's like the blood on Lady Macbeth's hands

d - i can see you feel my pain

AxAtlas said...

d - i worked for an ad agency owned by Monster.

d said...

axatlas - did that suck as badly as my job? actually, my job doesn't suck. my clients do and the people working for me. so i'd like to rephrase my question as follows: am i allowed to ask other people questions on a blog that isn't mine?

Kara said...

d - why don't you and ax just get a room? Gawd.

AxAtlas said...

(ENTER SLAP BASS FUNK MUSIC)
the job wasn't that bad. we got cool little Monster toys to play around with and i scored a cool Monster shirt for giving a better presentation than the AEs. our clients sucked but the coworkers weren't bad. but when things did get rough, we would play the wav file of that monster commercial to remind us that we're golden.

oh and kara doesn't mind if you and i chat via her blog. she's all about the U.N.I.T.Y.

d said...

k2 - jealous?? someone's not talking to you and all of a sudden... hey! what was that? oooh, the crack whores are back in the empty lot across the street where their house used to be. what was i talking about?

Kara said...

d - i don't need to be jealous...i have boy toys...where are YOUR boy toys, hmmmm??? Ok, I can't smack talk anymore cause I want to know if the crack whores are pretending that the house is still there. This could be unsightly when they're in the "bathroom".

Niall said...

LadyMacbeth :: A little water clenses us from this deed (or something)

Mr.Macbeth :: Not with all Neptune's waters something something blood from my hands

d said...

boy toys? why the hell would i want boy toys? i'm not gay. not that there's anything wrong with that.

it kind of looked like they were pretending the house was still there. they were just sitting in the dirt like it was their crack-filled living room yelling at each other. but it was difficult to see exactly what they were doing. then the police showed up.

Anonymous said...

It's weaned. You Hippy.