Friday, September 08, 2006

Hagar and I...A Love Affair

I can't post what I wanted to post because I can't upload the picture. And so instead, dear friends, I'm going to tell you the tale of the love affair between Hagar and I. Pictured to your left is me...after several pints of pansy girl beer.

That hot stud I'm trying to make out with is Hagar. Hagar was only in my life for one night which is fairly standard behavior for a pirate (which he is) AND a fake tattoo (which he also is).


I met Hagar in a dining room. He gave me this rakish grin and I couldn't say or do anything but invite him out for the night. I was going to the Rock Bottom Brewery anyway to play wingman to my friend. We were there to see hotjosh perform. Normally we'd never go to such a place...the polo shirts and hair streaks are out in full force in that place...it's scary...but we needed to hear hotjosh play so my friend could decide whether or not she should sing with him...or do him. He turned out to be fucktardjosh so she'll do neither.

Anyway, Hagar and I were just disgusting to behold. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. It was so unlike me to be so hung up on a guy that wingman #2 decided to immortalize our love with her picture phone.


Now it's all I have left of him. When I woke up the next morning...and not thinking...took a shower...he was gone.


Yo ho.

12 keep(s) me blogging:

Jen said...

Stupid fucktardjosh. All the way to Rock Bottom. Literally, rock bottom. But that aside, Hagar was a rogue and one with the sea. Is it any wonder that he disappeared with the water? Thank God wingman #2 took a pic.

INAMINI said...

Was poor Hagar Danish? Was he taller than 5'2", and therefore smart? At least Hagar had a few drinks with you!

apterix55 said...

When I was in college, one of the guys in the dorm, an artist, drew a "tatoo" on my arm with black, blue and red felt pens. It was an awesome piece of art; a screaming eagle holding a waving American flag in it's talons. It was so cool I didn't shower for two days! By the third day, art finally had to yield to personal hygiene. It didn't last very long, but at least it didn't hurt!!

AxAtlas said...

Good grub at Rock Bottom Brewery.
Playing wingman is fun.
That's all I can say on this splendid S.A.T.U.R.D.A.Y morning at 8am CST.

yer pal,

axatlas (aka "snoot snooty hog")

sarah said...

Speaking of pirates...I hear there's a Pirate festival in St. Johns on Sept 23rd. I will be there. I will have an eye patch. I will sing and swashbuckle. (not a clue what swashbuckle means) The point? You should go. Maybe that's where Hagar went.

slaghammer said...

What rule did Josh infract to earn the title "fucktard"?

d said...

i remember when i thought i wanted to be a pirate. but then there was the whole sea-sickness thing i couldn't get over. and it really never sounds right when i call someone "matey"

god. what the hell was i thinking? i should have been a bounty hunter. bounty hunters are like pirates of the land. except they don't rape and pillage. or was that the vikings? pirates are more of a swashbuckling bunch, aren't they. i should open a swashbuckling school.

Kara said...

jen - there's nothing more to say...you put it perfectly

inamini - we never got to origins...it wasn't that kind of night, you know what I mean? Yes, he had drinks...but guess who had to pay for them???

apterix - I must say, I'm glad to know hygiene won out

ax - you LIKED the Rock Bottom? tourist.

sarah - That sounds rad...I'd totally go to that. I think I have to be in seattle...but I'm not sure...so I might be in touch about that.

slag - the worst of them all...saying he'll call...and not doing it...fucktard! That's like, rule ONE.

d - but you WERE a bounty hunter! You told me so...or at least you told me you looked like one. Did you lie? Hmmm, guess you'll need some sort of prooooof.

Amy said...

My new love affair is with Wikipedia... the stores of crap on the site are incredible!

Anyway, to answer Sarah's quandry: "The term 'swashbuckler' is used to denote a particular type of character and is usually applied to fictional characters. A swashbuckler will display a strong sense of justice, an aptitude for and enjoyment of fighting, and calmness, class, and wit even during combat." -- Wikipedia

So you don't even have to be a pirate to be a swashbuckler. Though I am not sure what other circumstances in life call for sword fighting, but I digress.

Laura said...

Yeah, Hagar's quite a looker, but did he ever make your bed? Hmm? Well, did he?

Hagar 0
Eugene Boy 1

Orhan Kahn said...

Just like a pirate. Up and leave after a scurvy affair.

d said...

i'll see what i can do. going to be in the vicinity of my childhood pictures this weekend. maybe i'll make the extra effort to pick up a picture.