I got flowers from a boy yesterday. I've never gotten flowers from the boy. No, I refuse to count the grocery store carnations that my prom date took out of the trunk as he dropped me off at the end of the evening. I'm fairly certain his mom bought those. They were from the law student. They were on my bed when I got home from work. And the bed was made. I certainly hadn't made it. It must've been him. It's all about presentation when it comes to flowers. So they say.
This is a true conundrum. I don't get to use that word very often. Normally I'd be excited about having an opportunity to use it. But not this time...because of the conundrum, itself. Ooh, look, I got to use it twice. I'm extraordinarily torn. I can't like this guy too much. The situation is too volatile. But then, how the fuck am I supposed to deal with pretty pink flowers? I've already agreed to public transport myself down to Eugene once...but I can't do that too often. The hippies might get me. I don't have a cricket bat to beat their heads in with. I'll be helpless. A sitting duck. But the flowers, oh the flowers. Pretty pretty flowers. What do I do?
18 keep(s) me blogging:
Potpourri is a possibility; also dipping them in bronze to preserve them permanently. Feeding them to a goat gives them a purpose; putting the petals on the floor to do vacuum-cleaner testing. Oh, the possibilities!
So it took me more than a few minutes to realize that the love was spelled out in naked folks. How chic. What kind of flowers were they? Oh wait, I already asked you that and you said they were "pink and skinny". I need to get you a flower book, and then when this happens again you can point to a page in the book and grunt, and I'll know what kind they are. If the book is big enough you might also be able to use it to thwart nefarious hippie doings whilst you ride mass transit. See, I care.
You appreciate the flowers you ingrate! Sheesh.
You didn't tell me he MADE YOUR BED too! That's even better than the flowers, in my book. To have a guy make your bed for you, I dunno...that sounds like some serious shiat to me. Did you check to make sure he didn't also hide a ring inside your pillowcase or something?
As for how to defend yourself against the dirty Eugene hippies, I'd say the next best thing to a cricket bat would be to beat them back with a fun noodle. Fun noodles have a better range than cricket bats anyway.
Now I'm off to go beat my husband with a fun noodle till he gives me flowers and makes my bed too. Cause that's love.
inamini - if i bronze them, they won't be pink anymore. pretty pretty pink flowers (jesus, i sound like Gollum)
(jesus, I just made a Lord of the Rings reference)
jen - you should always just assume there are naked people somewhere in a picture of eugene.
amy - i do so appreciate them. i turned into a complete girl when i saw them...there might have been a squeal.
laura - stop pointing out how perfect he is, damnit! just stop it!
fun noodles won't stop hippies...those things are like waving around cheesy poofs.
exactly why can't you like this guy too much? if he's law student then it would stand to reason that he himself isn't a hippie. you probably wouldn't be dating him if he were anyway. he's not a republican is he?
and the eugene/ hippie argument just doesn't hold up anyway. although hippies smell like they are undead, they aren't killer zombies and are not a threat to one's life... they just aren't that motivated.
you should invite this guy to the housewarming party.
K - Hey, don't underestimate the deadliness of cheesy poofs...
You shouldn't beat the hippies. Hippies are awesome people. They're usually so strung out on... whatever it is hippies get strung out on these days.. that they.. are.. cool?
What I'm trying to say is, hippies = good. No beating of the hippies.
Also, flowers rule. And since hippies like flowers you should give them some flowers. Different ones of course; you don't want to give away pretty pink flowers.
i should get a cricket bat! thanks for the idea!!
flowers... hmmm... that's a tough one. up here in canada, we put them in water. and then we have lots of sex with the person (or people) who gave them to us.
Damn! Looks like somebody needs a weed wacking or a harvesting or maybe have that thing designated a wetland for migrating waterfowl. Where I’m from, if you are gonna show your hams in public, you tidy up a bit beforehand as a general courtesy.
devina - he is not a hippie, no...he wears suits on occasions, nice suits. And hippies CAN be that motivated if you were to, say, threaten to chop down a tree or some shit. He can't come to your party...he has a saturday litigation class...well, i don't know, maybe he can.
laura - I'll cheesy poof you my little hormonal hag
mycaelus - i'm not giving the stinky hippies my pretty pretty flowers. they can snort patchouli and suck rope. but i appreciate the advice.
d - they're probably easier to find in Canada, since Canada is practically England. Oh...and, um...they ARE in water. (insert monty python winking/nudging impression here)
hey, did you see my request in the last round of comments?? Probably not...selfish.
slag - I like just calling you slag'. Though I've heard that it's a fould word in Britain...but screw them. And yes, what you are looking at was what immediatly pulled up when I googled "Eugene, Oregon". You can see why I hate the place...not a razor to be found in the entire city.
yeah, i saw it. it would really be a lot less work and effort for me to just show you a picture of dog the bounty hunter. the nearest picture of me with that hair style is several hours away and you're already complaining about my complaints about gas stations and the price of gas and the shaved head gas station attendants who won't stop talking to me when i'm at the gas station.
fine. FINE!
http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0424627/iid_1026807.jpg
dog is the one on the left.
d - Now you've done it. I absolutely must see that hair on an 11 year old boy. I suggest utilizing the postal system. I'll wait.
HOORAY for naked people!
Kara, just do what we did in jr high. Remember the "bus behavior"? Just alter it a bit to fit "hippie behavior". Cover your self in patchouli stank and don't shave. You'll fit right in and no one will hurt you.
Kara, simply go with the flow, stop with the I can't do this and I can't do that; accept, enjoy and just see where this takes you...Speaking with the full weight of the '60's behind me, you need to be more open to the winds of fate! - Peace, daughter \/ As to the hippies, just take a shower and shave, they'll leave you alone.
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